


Growth

by Absolute_Fool



Series: Two Old Friends, and Another. [4]
Category: Merrily We Roll Along - Sondheim/Furth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 13:36:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20408614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Absolute_Fool/pseuds/Absolute_Fool
Summary: Mary, Charley, and Frank learn that growth is possible.





	1. Surely

"There was a time in my life that I felt good." Charley scribbled down on the napkin, "I'm sure of it."  
He folded the napkin up and put it in his pocket. He'd been waiting at this little bar for almost two hours, still sipping at his first vodka soda. Frank, who sat next to him, was glancing over his shoulder, mindlessly rubbing his thumb around the rim of his glass.

Charley felt trapped. He wasn't, he could leave at any time. He was wearing clothing much too heavy for being inside to obscure his face and identity from any cameras. The cameras that followed Frank around whenever they were seen outside. The press had been extra rabid lately. The clothing and the hats had the unfortunate extra of obscuring his peripheral vision, he had to turn his head to see anything around him.

"She's not coming." Charley said, adjusting slightly in his seat.

"She might still." Frank said.

A slight ache had been crawling up his leg all day, the formally ankle had developed the arthritis that he knew it would. He gripped onto the table and stood up, using his other hand to balance himself.

"I'm going home." Charley said, "I'll call her."

"What are you going to do? Walk?" Frank said, dangling his keys out on his finger.

Charley rolled his eyes, "Fine."

"Its your idea, you have to be here for it." Frank said.

"She might just be messing with me." Charley said. "I think it's rather fair if she doesn't want to see me ever again. I think it's fair if no one wants to see me ever again."

"If you're so dead-set on leaving, that's fine, but I'm not staying." Frank said. "I don't have anything to apologize for."

"Of course not." Charley said, taking the pen out and scribbling on his hand.

"I don't. We agreed that I don't, Charley. Everything that happened is really your fault and we're keeping it at that." Frank said, "If you want to say otherwise, you can give me your key and then walk to your brother's."

Frank's bluntness, which Charley had decided he'd live with considering all the trouble he'd caused for him, reminded him of Evelyn. Someone passed by the table and Charley looked up, hoping to meet Mary's eyes. It wasn't Mary.

He looked over at Frank, who was no longer running his finger along the rim of the glass, but instead tapping the glass mindlessly with his nail. Charley tapped the pen in sync. Frank glanced at him and chuckled, then looked back down. Charley stopped tapping and wrote on his hand again. "Excess" all in capital letters, going down his wrist.

"Are you in junior high?" Frank said, "Geez."

"If it's in my mind it must be in there for a reason." Charley mumbled, slipping the pen back in his pocket and bringing his hand to his side.

He'd grown use to the bouts of dizziness that hit him occasionally, but this time he had to close his eyes and lean his head back to keep from falling over.

That hint of concern hit Frank's voice, "Are you alright?"

"Dizzy." Charley said, "Like usual."

"You should go to a doctor." Frank mumbled, looking away.

"I saw one back in LA." Charley said," I don't remember what he said about because I was drugged up like a horse but I don't think he said much."

"Was it a doctor Gussie sent you to?" Frank said.

"Yes." Charley said.

"He probably said nothing then." Frank said, "Her doctors are her friends and her friends are her puppets."

"That's a lot of words that I'm not sure go together in context." Charley said.

Charley looked up. Mary had entered and was standing nearby, looking. Frank waved her over and she took a seat closer to Charley, but not as close as she usually sat.

"Mary." Frank said in greeting.

"I didn't know he'd be here." Mary said.

"I can't drive, it's hard to walk, and you wanted to meet quite far from where we live." Charley said.

She laughed and grabbed Charley's drink, taking a sip.

"Vodka and soda?" Mary said, "Weird for you."

"Its all yours." Charley said.

Mary laughed and glanced over, "What is this? Are we trying to reconcile- I saw your play, Kringas, it was horrific."

Charley smiled, "The bad press is having an effect of the opposite, isn't that funny? Its been sold out for a while. They extended the run."

"I wrote an editorial defending you." Mary said.

"I read it." Charley said.

"I did like it." Mary said, "I wasn't lying- did you see it, Frank?"

"No." Frank said.

Mary cackled, "That's a good thing. Weird to see you showing your face in public, Charley."

"The same to you." Charley said.

Mary giggled, "of course."

Charley sighed and took out the envelope. Thick thing. He laid in down in front of Mary and gestured for her to open it. She brought it to her and ripped it open. She shuffled her hand inside and took out the papers, then looked at Charley.

"What's this?"

Charley stood up, Frank too, and the two left. She did not come after them nor did she call after them.


	2. Overlapping

Not being in love with Frank had a few perks. Charley could see him without feeling a sudden kick of emotions now. There were problems too. He was weirdly not in love and weirdly didn't feel much. He knew this feeling well, not feeling much, but he wasn't used to not having Frank to fall back on. Even after Frank left, he could still think of him. It usually made things worse. He was probably making things worse. 

He'd put the napkin up on the wall, taped with the only tape he'd been able to find. It was right over the desk. He looked at it a lot. He wasn't sure anymore.

A new play wasn't brewing in his head. Words were surrounding him, under his nails and behind his eyes, but they weren't a play. He wasn't sure what they were words to. He'd find out soon enough, when they evened out. He'd write them down the moment they became clear. They were stacked upon eachother, overlapping, overflowing. Day and night.

"Mary hasn't called." Frank said.

He was in the doorway.

"Its her right." Charley said.

"Big waste of all that money."

"I'll pay you back, Frank." Charley said, "What does it matter what she does with it?"

"I guess." Frank said.

"I want a sledgehammer." Charley said.

"Why?"

"I want to smash that desk." Charley said.

"Don't do that."

"Alright." Charley said, crossing the room and sitting at the desk.

Frank felt like nothing. He looked like nothing. Frank was nothing. He was completely irrevlant.

"I need to go to LA soon." Frank said, "There's someone I need to see there."

"Gussie?" Charley said.

"No." Frank said.

"I need to see Gussie." Charley said.

"No you don't."

"I do." Charley said.

"You're not staying with me." Frank said.

"I didn't plan to." Charley said.

"Then why bring it up?" Frank said.

"Tangential." Charley said.

"I swear, you're getting crazier by the day." Frank said, leaving.

Mary still hadn't called when Charley got around to thinking. Not about Mary, he didn't want to think about Mary. He wanted to think about his family. He missed his kids. He missed being able to recall their faces. He'd completely forgotten them. No. That wasn't true. He could recall them. But they didn't feel right when he pictured them. 

That night he decided to go see them. It was very warm outside, it felt like midday. It was humid. It was gross. As he walked, the arthritis in his ankle was acting up and he regularly would have to lean to keep it from overtaking him. 

He missed Evelyn.

He could recall lying on the bed of their studio, years ago, right after they got married. And Evelyn running her hands through his hair. They were both upset over something. He couldn't recall what. It was something else for each. He felt sick. He was probably upset over Frank. He couldn't recall what she was upset over. He was so narcissistic.

Just like Frank.

Respect him. I'm begging you, Evelyn. Act like he's a friend of the family and not just my friend. I deal with your friends, why can't you just pretend you can stand the most important person in my life

Yes he is, he IS! You have NO IDEA, Evelyn. No one can ever be as important as he is. 

He's a genius to the medium! 

When they fought, Charley would never come out a winner. She was right, usually. And even when she wasn't, the guilt would hit him. Raising his voice was unethical.

Charley wished he was on medication still.

When he got there, Evelyn let him in but only a step.

"They're not here, Charley." Evelyn said, "All with friends." 

Charley sighed.

"I don't think they want you here." Evelyn said, "You keep leaving like this. I don't give a shit where you go, Charley. I don't, but they do."

Charley wasn't listening to her much.

"I'll tell them to call you." Evelyn said, "But only if they want to."

"Don't force them." Charley said, "In fact--" Charley took out his wallet and pulled all the cash he had out and handed it to Evelyn, "Encourage them to their change their names. Encourage them to never talk to me again. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Oh, okay. Another night of you being fucking nuts." Evelyn said, "Why don't you leave, Charley? I don't want to deal with this-"

"That was the plan." Charley said, "That was always the plan."

Evelyn turned away.

"I have no idea how I dealt with this." She said. 

Charley stepped toward her and she turned back around, meeting his eyes. He heard the door open behind him.

"I don't know how you dealt with it much either." Charley said, "You don't have to anymore. Don't worry. This is the last time."

"Thank you." Evelyn said.

Charley turned to face who had entered. All of his kids, and one of their friends, stood there. He looked at his son and tried to focus on his face. It remained unprocessed.

"I hate to put this on you. But you're all old enough now to decide." Charley said, "Do you want me to leave?"

His son suddenly burst, swinging at him and screaming, "I never want to see you again! I don't want a dad! I don't want a dad!"

Charley nodded, "What about the rest of you?"

They didn't reply. 

Evelyn stepped forward and grabbed her son, holding him against her, "Charley, don't do this to them."

"What do you want me to do?" Charley said.

"Act like their father-"

Charley looked at Evelyn, "Evelyn. I am sorry. I cannot do that with so little prompting."

"you used to be our dad." His son said, "Now you're just you."

"William, I was always just me." Charley said, "I tried to be your dad, I did everything I could. But I could never be that. Not to you. Not to them, but especially not to you. I'm sorry for that. The choice I'm giving you is geniune, but you can change your answer anytime you like."

His son didn't reply.

"You wouldn't even remember it." Charley said, "The first time we sent you away to be with your grandmother? You were too young. Your sisters might." Charley stepped forward and kneeled by his son, "You were a little baby."

Evelyn stepped away, her son staying in his place, sobbing. He lowered to his knees and Charley held him.

"Well, you were too young to remember it. They might be too. But anyways, a week prior I'd had an awful reaction to the medication I was on, a TCA I think, and I remember that one night I was sobbing to a psych nurse. I've sobbed in the company of a lot of psych nurses in my time, don't get me wrong, but I remember this one because I was crying over you. I was going to be such a bad father. I'm hardly a father, aren't I? I am a caregiver and I'm a dad, but a father? Doesn't that seem a little too big of a title for me? I was just so afraid that you were going to end up like me, and really? I was an awful child. I was a lot of awful things, but I was an awful child. I ran away a few times. I drank till I puked as often as I could. I never told anyone how I felt. I never looked my mother in the eyes, because she was a lot like I am now, and I never told her that I didn't want to see her again. I didn't, I DESPISED her! A lot of kids hate their parents, I was no different. And even if I later recanted it, even if I regretted it, even if it wasn't her fault, I should've said it. Its better to be harsh and honest and open then it is to keep it in and keep so silent. You can always apologize, but you can't go back in time and change things."

Evelyn shook her head and motioned for the girls to go back to their rooms. They snuck by and Evelyn kneeled down by her son.

"Don't leave again, stop leaving." He cried.

Charley shook his head, "I have to leave sometimes, that's how it is."

"Not tonight."

Evelyn nodded, "Will, why don't we all go sit in the kitchen? Dad can cook you something and we can talk about what he's missed, being away as he was."

"He's going to leave again."

"No, I'm not." Charley said, "Not if you want me to stay."

"I don't know what I want."

"Do you want to think about it?" Charley said. "I'll stay where I am, then you can tell me what you want and I'll do whatever it is."

He nodded, then stood up.

"I'm going to sleep." He said, walking off.

Charley sighed, sitting down on the floor. He brought his hands to his head, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes. 

"I'm out of practice." Charley said, "Knowing how to talk."

Evelyn stood up, "I don't know how to do it much either."

"I used to try to be a good dad."

"But you weren't."

"I wasn't." Charley said. 

"Did you really cry to a psych nurse about him?" Evelyn said.

"well, it was about a lot of things. The nurse stared at me like he had never seen a person cry before." Charley said, "Offer me a hand. I have awful arthritis in my ankle."

Evelyn stood up and offered him a hand, which he took and stood.

"Do you want an aspirin?" Evelyn said.

"No." Charley said, turning to the door, "I shouldn't have come without calling."

"Don't you dare leave." Evelyn said.

"By the time he wakes up he'll be over it." Charley said, "he'll want me gone. As is reasonable."

"No, Charley. You're the one who wants to leave. But if you leave, you will ruin this kid's life. Doesn't matter if he wants you gone, if you leave before he answers, you can NEVER come back. There are no other options."

Charley stopped, "I don't know what to do."

"Listen to me." Evelyn said, "You cannot fix the past, you cannot go back and not marry me. You can't go back and leave me when you first wanted to. You can't do anything to fix the past, but you can try to fix the future. You can grow beyond all the fucked up shit you put our children through, you can be their father."

Charley placed his hand on the doorknob. 

Evelyn said nothing else.

"You don't happen to have a guest bedroom?" Charley said. 

"Your old office." Evelyn said, "it's late. He's probably going to sleep through the night. You might as well stay."

Charley nodded.

"Would you like to share a glass of wine?" She said.

"No." Charley said. "No, I wouldn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u w u


	3. Mysterious figures

It was early morning when Charley got back. Frank was at the door, just about to leave, when it opened and Charley came in. He looked tired, with big bags under his eyes and a dull, vague, look. It was like he wasn't there.

"Where did you go?" Frank said, closing the door as Charles entered, "Not that I care much."

"My son had his first Kringas brand breakdown, I stayed over night to make sure he was alright." Charley said.

"you look like you haven't slept in a few days." Frank said.

"Just overnight." Charley said, "Not much for me. I'm going to sleep though, I guess."

Frank sighed, "I have to leave."

"good for you." Charley said, walking off.

Frank followed, "In a bit. Come lay with me."

Charley sighed, "Fine."

It seemed that the moment Charley laid down, he was already asleep. Curled up on Frank's bed, one arm sorta touching Frank's chest, he was completely out within minutes. Frank shifted slightly, grabbing Charley's arm and holding it closer. The movement, must've woken him up a bit, because he adjusted slightly and pulled his arm away.

"I usually can go at least two days..." Charley mumbled.

Frank reached over and slid Charley's glasses off his face. Charley half-heartedly tried to grab them back.

"I need those to see." Charley said.

"Not if you're sleeping."

"Well, I guess that's true." Charley said.

"I'll be back tonight." Frank said, sitting up.

"Not going to LA yet?" Charley said.

"Not till the Monday after next." Frank said, "Just business stuff."

"Have fun with that."

"Maybe I will." Frank said, standing up, "white or blue?"

"What?"

Frank reached into the closet and took out two shirts, "I have a blue shirt and a white shirt in my hands. Which one."

"White." Charley said.

Frank placed the white one back in the closet, "Thank you."

"Good luck on.. whatever it is.." Charley said, trailing off.

Frank nodded, "Thanks."

Charley'd fallen back asleep. Frank sorta chuckled, turned away, and left.

When Frank returned. Charley wasn't in the living room. The apartment was how it had been left. Frank hung up his jacket, clearing his throat, then crossed into the living room.

Untouched.

It had been a good 6 hours since Frank left, yet Charley was still asleep. Frank entered and stood at the door, watching.

"Mary called last night." Frank said.

Charley didn't respond.

Frank crossed over to the bed and sat down, "She's doing it. She wanted to talk to you, but I said you weren't feeling well so she wouldn't think that you didn't care."

Charley was definitely asleep.

"Its a good facility." Frank said, "I hope she's alright."

Frank laid down on his side, facing Charley.

"Yeah, well she left. She left to do that. Its gonna be just you and me for a while." Frank said, "And I'm going to call Frankie and apologize to him and uhm.. I'm going to go back to LA and visit my daughter. I haven't told you about her, but she's Meg's little girl. I'll get you a photo. Not the healthiest baby, but she's getting better. I wish I could ask you for help, because I think you could give her some good advice."

Frank reached over and grabbed Charley's arm, shaking him a bit.

"Wake up." Frank said.

He reached out and put a hand on Frank's shoulder, "stop shaking me."

Frank let go of him and watched as he woke up, blinking away tiredness and yawning.

"Did you hear what I said?" Frank said.

"I was asleep." Charley said, sitting up.

"Mary called last night. She's doing it."

Charley nodded, "That's very good."

"Yes it is." Frank said.

Charley laid back down, facing Frank.

"What do you want out of me?" Charley said.

"Right now?" Frank said.

"Yes." Charley said.

"I just want to look at you."

Charley laughed, "I'm probably not much of a sight."

Frank shook his head, "You're pleasing to look at."

Charley rolled into his back, "Good to know."

Frank reached over and ran his hands through Charley's hair. Charley glanced over at him.

"What's this?" Charley said. "What are you doing?"

"Why do you care?" Frank said.

"I guess that's fair." Charley said, closing his eyes, "What did you do? I remember you said you were leaving."

"Work." Frank said, "I had to meet with my publicist."

"Oh." Charley said.

"We need to finish take a left."

"Its almost all done." Charley said, "But I'm not writing."

"Last time you said that, you fell back on it." Frank said.

"I'm serious." Charley said, "I don't have anything left to write. I'm all written-out."

"Good to know." Frank said. "So what you're saying is that we can finish it next week?"

"No." Charley said, "No more writing. I'm just going to... Be. "

Frank chuckled, "If that's what you think."

Charley rolled over and put his arms around Frank, resting his head by Frank's.

"I love you, Charley." Frank said.

"Okay." Charley said, "what cologne are you wearing? Its nice."

"Pricy stuff." Frank said, "Don't remember the brand."

"Of course it's pricy." Charley said, closing his eyes, "If it was cheap, I'd be calling you a shrink."

Frank laughed, "I do need to call my therapist."

"That's a good idea." Charley said, "I don't think my shrink will want me back. I'm a very bad paitent."

"you're a challenge." Frank said.

"To you or the shrink?"

"Yes." Frank said.

"my daughters had to hold my son down as I left today." Charley said, "He was a crying mess. He thought I was gonna leave forever. Evelyn kept saying 'no, no, he's not. He's gonna be 25 minutes away and you're gonna be able to see him whenever you want' Poor kid."

"He's almost 16, isn't he?" Frank said.

"Yeah." Charley said, "But he's like me when I was sixteen, sorta a late bloomer."

"Is he okay?" Frank said.

"Yeah." Charley said, "He's more like his mother."

Frank nodded, "Do you still hate me?"

"I told you that I don't care much anymore." Charley said, "I'm somewhere else."

"If you say so." Frank said, "I can see the lights in your eyes."

"I can't feel anything." Charley mumbled, "You're seeing something else."

"Okay." Frank said. "What's something else?"

"Something else."

\---

Charley had broken many a bone before. It was a trend. He could recall one of the earliest times he had, he couldn't even remember which one it was, that he had been extra lethargic. Apparently, at least according to the possibly-quack of a doctor he had at the time, the extra lethargy was because his "body was healing"  
It was probably true, but at the time he'd seen it as bullshit and had used it as a reason to push himself more.

He didn't have a broken bone anymore. At least if gussie's doctor friend wasn't a complete back. But yet, he was met with intense exhaustion.

Something else must've been broken, heeling.

"We can discuss long term-" Charley's shrink said

"You know, my 45 minutes is over and I want to go home." Charley said.

"You are scheduled last today for a reason, Mr. Kringas." He said.

"What good is it going to do? Long term, short term? Outpatient. Inpaitent. Psychotherapy... Support groups. I've done it all."

"Charley, you keep almost being there. Almost reaching that point where you are stable again. You obviously want to try, I think you're even interested in committing, you just keep slipping."

Charley stood up, "Yup. I do. And if I keep slipping that means-"

"Charley, do you live alone?" He said. Blunt, cold. Charley wasn't used to being interuppted.

"No." Charley said.

"Who do you live with?"

"My friend Frank." Charley said.

"How about, next week. You bring him with you-"

"There isn't going to be a next week. I'm done with psychiatry."

"Do you want to get better?"

"Yes, but it has been proven time and time again that that isn't going to happen."

"Can you try one more time?"

"I'm always trying one more time!"

"Charley, you have four kids, correct?"

Charley looked down, "Yes."

"Do you want to be there for them? Be around for them for as long as you possibly can be? See your grandchildren?"

"Yes, I do." Charley said, "That's why I keep trying but maybe I need to look at it from a new way and realize that maybe not getting help is the help I need."

"But you've done that before." He said. "Its never worked, has it?"

Charley sat back down, "No."

"How do you want to approach this? What has worked in the past?"

"Ignoring it." Charley said, laughing, "That kept me perfect for ages 19 to 39."

"Not perfect." He said.

"Not even close." Charley said, "But J wasn't so tired for one thing."

"Are you tired?"

"Exhausted." Charley said, "I slept for 12 hours last night, still just absolutely exhausted. I need to reset my clock, stay awake for a day or two."

"That's been your default for a while, hasn't it?"

"yes." Charley said, "It's reversed now. All I want to do is sleep- I'm not depressed either, I know how that feels. I'm just tired."

"What sticks out as different to you in this?"

"I don't feel bad. I usually feel bad, unmotivated and bad, this time I don't. I feel unmotivated. I fell out of love with a partner and now I feel nothing."

"Are you stressed?"

"No." Charley said, "I'm not restless either. I don't have anything to do, though. I'm done with writing, I wrote the last thing I'll ever write. I don't want a new hobby. Time is marching on at a perfect pace and I don't know what to do with it. Everything I can do, I do. Then there's nothing else. Fufillment is a lie, it's something you chase. I'm not burnt out either. I can do things, it doesn't make it worse. There's just no reason to."

"Why don't you think there's a reason to?"

"There just isn't." Charley said, "Its not hopeless, if you're gonna write that down. Its.. not cynicism either, it just feels like I'm living in a new world. In new time. Its a new world and I don't really like that, because it's so sudden- Everything is wonderful, I think, but dull. But usually when that happens, I crave something new! I take a plane to LA and get drugged up to write a career ruining play, or I fill an apartment up with plants, or I sleep with a stranger, or I go to kill my friend's dad... This time, it's just what it is. I'm not miserable, I'm just done. I'm content with it. I'm complacent in my own misery, or I have been, and I'm now complacent in my own mediocrity. I'm fine with it. Neutrality is a better even."

"So, you're okay with this? You're fine with current state?"

"It's great." Charley said, "I would like to be on medication again, though. Precautionary."

The shrink nodded, "I'm going to call your physician, recommend it."

"Not prescribing it this time?" Charley said.

"If you are emotionally content with this neutrality, as you call it, then your exhaustion might be physical. You had a nasty break in your ankle, didn't you? Have arthritis in it?"

Charley nodded.

"Bring that up to him."

"Thank you." Charley said.

"I'm going to recommend your doctor to give you a lower dose of your medications than last time, but not to hesitate if you ask for higher doses."

Charley nodded, "Sounds like a plan."

"As for Frank, I would like to talk to him." He said, "Do you know if he'll be free this time next week?"

"He'd better be." Charley said, "I'll make him come."

"Is he supportive?"

"I want to go home." Charley said, "It's half pass 7, your receptionist has already left, I live 40 minutes from here. I'm tired."

"Alright, Charley. We just needed to s  
Get that much of a plan down."

Charley nodded, "I get that." He stretched, stood up, and left.

As Charley turned the corner and began walking down the large stretch of hall he lived at the end of, he noticed a group figures at the door. Speeding his pace, he tried to focus his eyes the figures then stopped, mid-step, as he realized who they were. He hadn't seen them all together in many years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who could these people be?


	4. Family

Flakes of snow got caught in the wind and blew across the night sky, only visible due to the street lamp sitting halfway down the road. Light, fluffy, cold. Charley hated the snow, he always had. It was only associated with bad memories. Like, when he was maybe 16 or 17, getting pinned down in the snow, right as it started to refreeze, by his classmates, and being kicked until he couldn't see, left to freeze to death. Frank made it better of course. Back then it was always him who put his coat around Charley and walked him home or to a friend's house. And now it was gaining a little bit of positivity back to it, since Charley hadn't had the shit kicked out of him in the middle of a Chicago blizzard in a few years.

The front porch of his childhood house had once been his most dreaded place. Sitting there when he forgot his key, freezing cold, for hours because Dad wasn't home and Mom didn't think it was him who was at the door, had been a normal experience just a few years prior.

Now it was alright. 

Charley had made the conscious choice to sit outside this time, that was nice too. He was getting really cold and he sorta wanted to light up a cigarette, though he knew he shouldn't. He didn't smoke much, never had, yet sometimes it came back to him. The look of smoke against the night sky, against the snow, had always been nice to him. That was another thing snow was good at, looking cool. It was cool.

He could sorta hear the faint sound of piano coming from inside. Typical. Frank loved pleasing the Kringas family, that would never change. He couldn't make out what Frank was playing, probably something beautiful. But he could make out that they were all singing along, though he couldn't get any lyrics out, so it was probably something that Frank had learned just for tonight. How he wanted to please. 

Charley enjoyed it, the solitude with the faint reminder of the people he loved. That was what he wanted to write about.

The door opened behind him and for a moment he could almost hear what they saying, but the door closed and it went near mute again. Beth, cradling the baby in her arms, stepped down and sat next to him, wrapping the baby under the folds of her coat.

"Being anti-social, Charley?" She said.

"A bit." Charley said, "And you?"

"Yeah." Beth said, "I’d sing alone but I don't know that song. I don't even know what language it's in."

Charley laughed, "Frank probably doesn't either. My father speaks five languages, Frank just numbred them and rolled a die.”

Beth laughed, "No doubt about it. Is your--?"

"Is my what?" Charley said.

"Nevermind." Beth said, "It rude to pry."

"Thank you." Charley said. He yawned and looked up at the sky. 

Beth leaned her head on his shoulder, letting out a sigh, "I wish I could meet Frank's father. I love your family, Charley, they're real nice, but they're not Frankie's."

"Well, Frank the first or.. second I think, he's not very good. He tried to hit me with his car once." Charley said, "Or twice.. or three times."

"Frank always talks about you two together when you were young like it was the best time of his life." Beth said.

"It wasn't. Don't get me wrong, there were good times, but it was usually bad. At least for me, I think." Charley laughed, gesturing to Frankie, "It's just nostalgia-- may I?"

Beth nodded and adjusted back up, handing him the baby, "Support the head."

Charley did so, holding the little thing out for a moment before bringing him back in close. He was asleep.

"He probably shouldn't be out here in the cold." Charley said.

"Its okay for a second, I think." Beth said, "I hope."

"I'd bet so too." Charley said, "Oh, he looks like you, Beth."

"I'm not bald and fat." Beth said.

"True.. I might need to get new glasses." Charley said.

She laughed, "you're like the brother I never had, Charley..Oh, Evelyn is so lucky. Your kids are gonna have the strangest dad."

Charley chuckled, handing Frankie back to Beth, "Well, we hope so."

"Yes, Evelyn told me."

"It runs in her family. We're hoping we're lucky." Charley said, "I love children."

"Well, if you and Evelyn can't, then you two can take Frankie when Frank and I are too burned out on the screaming." Beth said.

"Oh, we gladly will." Charley said.

Beth laughed, "I sound like such an awful mom."

"No you don't." Charley said, "You're stressed, it's alright."

"Thank you." Beth said.

The door opened again, this time no glimpse of music coming out. Frank stepped down on the step, between Beth and Charley.

"Your folks remain a powerful duo, Charley, I oughta say." Frank said.

"I'm so surprised they were so fine with this." Beth said, "As if Frankie's their grandson."

"They're good people." Frank said, putting an arm around Charley and kissing him on the cheek, then pulling away and looking at Beth.

"They think of Frank as their son." Charley said.

"It's just weird to me. We're.. so different from them." Beth said.

"They love you three already." Charley said. "I assure you that."

"I'd swear your dad was more excited when I told him I was married than he was when you told him you were." Frank said.

Charley laughed, "Okay, but to be fair... "

"Do they like Evelyn?" Beth said.

"They've not really met her." Charley said, "They probably would like her."

"You should've brought her." Frank said.

"She hates flying and we weren't gonna drive all the way down here AND she has work." Charley said. 

"Is she even real?" Frank said, taking Frankie from Beth and holding him.

Charley nodded, "Least I'd hope so."

"You should call her." Frank said.

Charley stood up, "Probably a good idea."

Beth stood up too, "Frank, can you hold Frankie for a bit?"

Frank stood up, Frankie still in his hands, and followed them in.

It took a few tries to get Evelyn to answer the phone. Beth stood off to rhe side, Frank next to her. The two weren't Listening to Charley, quietly bickering amongst themselves. A cousin or something was on the piano the room over, playing something.

"Evelyn Kringas speaking." 

"Hi Eva." Charley said, "Can you hear me? Its a little loud in here."

"Ohh, Charley where are you?"

"just with my family." Charley said, "Thought I'd call to see how you-"

"I got the test back." Evelyn said.

Charley stopped to think for a second, "Really?"

"I'm pregnant." Evelyn said. 

All words left Charley's head. He stood there, silent, gripping the phone.

"I'll call you tomorrow, alright?" Charley said, hanging up.

Frank had left the room. Beth looked up at Charley.

"What's wrong?" She said.

"The opposite of wrong." Charley said, "not even close to wrong."


	5. Sleep well

Oh that exact group of people brought up bad memories. Frank could handle Beth, maybe, alone. He could handle Frankie, alone. He could handle Charley's parents, alone. But together? It was a force of faux-concern and bitchiness with no end.

They'd been banging at the door a while ago, demanding he let them in and let them talk to charley. He told them he wasn't there.

They wouldn't listen.

Charley showed up, and Frank found himself eavesdropping through the door.

"Well- No. No." Charley said, "Why would I be dead?"

"That's what-" Charley's father said.

"If I was dead don't you think you'd know? And if I was dead why would it take you this long to come down here?" Charley said, "And those two have nothing to do with this matter."

Beth blurted out, "I TOLD you, I wouldn't ever want to see you again, but- but I couldn't do that. Frankie and I are here completely separately- it's a coincidence!"

"Coincidence or not, you're nuts." Charley said, "If Frank was going to murder me, he'd done done so years ago!"

"It's not just that, uncle Charley." Frankie said, "I saw how it is- how he treats you- he's-"

"Frankie, you-" Charley said.

"Just give us an explanation." Charley's mother said.

Charley unlocked the door and Frank backed up, going down the hall and back to the room. Another door to listen through.

"I don't know WHAT you four have in your mind!" He heard Charley said, he was getting annoyed.

"You're thin." Charley's mother said.

"That's because he's sick." Frankie said, "I'm sure of it."

"He's on drugs." Beth said.

"No-"

"that's why he's so thin." Charley's father said.

"No-" Charley grumbled, "I WAS on stimulants, WAS, when I was working on my last play-"

"That would be why you're so thin-"

"Yes, I know how drugs work." Charley said. "There you go. Your good explanation for my behavior as of late-"

"Why are you so frantic to get us out of here?" Beth said.

"Why are you so frantic to be here?" Charley said, "You have a husband- does he know you're here? In the living room of your ex-husband?"

She's remarried...

"He knows that I cannot, if I have a conscience, let you die-"

"I'm not- I'm not dying-"

"You are hardly a friend, but you're still a friend! Doesn't matter how long ago-"

There was a period of silence then: loud, bold, weeping. Charley's mother. It was a familiar sound. Frank heard it often when he was young, lying in Charley's closet. Charley would always stop whatever he was doing, make Frank stop whatever he was doing, and listen. Charley'd freeze up for a while, listening to it for a couple minutes, then he'd returned like it wasn't happening.

This time though, the room just got loud.

"OH, DON'T CRY-" Beth said.

"DON'T TOUCH HER!" Charley said, "MY- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GIVING HER?"

Then, silence again. Frank ran his hands through his hair and exited out into the doorway, watching.

Charley was kneeled down by his mother, talking to her. Beth and Frankie stood nearby. Charley's father was sitting, head in his hands, on the sofa.

For a second, Charley looked up and caught Frank's eyes. Catching the call, Frank stepped forward.

"Is everything alright?" Frank said.

All eyes went to him, except Beth. Beth's eyes went down to the floor and she grabbed Frankie's hand, squeezing it right.

No one said anything, but Charley stood up, helping his mother up with him. Leading his mother to the sofa, he sat her down and then returned to Frank's side.

"As shocking as it siunds," Charley said, "My life is fine. It has been hard, that is no secret. But that's just because I am me, and that is what I do, I make thinks hard. I don't mean to scare you, didn't mean to. I apologize for that. I don't think Frank meant to scare you either-"

"You don't tell us that our son is dead if you-" Charley's father said.

"People make mistakes, dad." Charley said, "Even Frank, especially Frank. Danny cleared it up for you, you knew I wasn't dead. No need to get all bothered by this."

"It wasn't a mistake!" Beth said, quiet.

"Pardon?" Charley said.

Beth looked up, looking Frank right in the eyes, then she shakily rose.

"It wasn't a mistake, Charley!" Beth said, "You're smart, Charley. You know what he's doing! I can't let him do it to you, I can't let you do this to yourself-"

"Elizabeth, he didn't kill him." Charley's father said.

"He is going to do worse than kill him." Beth said, "I mean LOOK at him! Divorced? Living here without his kids? That isn't Charley! Charley, I know you- I KNOW YOU! you were like my brother, I know you aren't like this- You shouldn't have to live like this. The common denominator isn't you, Charley, it's Frank."

"Beth, that's unfair." Charley's dad said.

Charley grabbed Frank's wrist.

"No one listens to me!" Beth laughed, "Charley, you're not- you're not stupid! I'm begging you to-"

"Mom." Frankie said, "Leave it be."

Beth turned and left, tears running down her face. Frankie rose, nodded at Charley's parents, then walked off after her.

Charley was turning white, digging his nails into Frank's arm.

"I am an old man." Charley's father said, "And I got this far, despite knowing that my youngest son was going to die before me. It was something we accepted, Something we learned to deal with. And now, I am SO close. I am so so close, to that not being true. Don't make it true, that's why we're here. Don't make it true."

"stop drugging her up." Charley said, " Retire. You have money, retire. Don't worry about me, I'll make sure you never know if I die."

"That's very graceful of you." Frank mumbled.

"We're here for a week." Charley's father said, "Our last trip to New York, Probably."

"Ah." Charley said.

"Danny's getting married, again." He grumbled, "5 times the charm, that's what they say."

"That is it." Charley said.

"If you get remarried, do it in Chicago. Or after we're dead." He laughed, "All this walking, awful on my legs."

"I won't marry again." Charley said, "I can promise you that."

"Certain like always, Charles."

"Of course." Charley said.

"How would you two like to come over for dinner tomorrow?" Frank said, "If you're here anyways."

"Sure, Mr. Shepard." He said, "Its always good to be around you."

He stood up, helped his wife up, and then walked out. The moment they were gone, Charley turned to Frank.

"You told them I was dead!?" Charley said.

"You went to see Beth while high?"

Charley went silent, then let go of Frank's hand and grabbed his shoulder.

"I'll drop it if you drop it." Charley said.

"That's a deal." Frank said.

Charley leaned on Frank, taking his glasses off and sighing.

"I can't stand people." Charley said.

"I can tell." Frank said.

"Let me sleep for the next 18 hours." Charley said, opening his eyes and looking at him, "It's what I need to process that."

Frank wanted to be in love with him so bad.

"Don't let yourself sleep all the time." Frank said, "You'll get in a loop."

"I'm well familiar with that loop." Charley said, "I crave it."

The two sat, a while later, on the sofa. Charley was laying down, next to him but not touching him. Shoes off, hair pulled back, half-asleep. Frank had seen the scar on Charley's ankle a few times now, but he was fixed on it tonight. It was an oddity to him, that Charley had just casually destroyed his ankle forever. How little there was to it, one second Charley's fine and next second his ankle is destroyed forever and he walks with a limp. Pathetic.

Frank reached over and put his hands on Charley's shoulders. Charley mumbled something. Frank rubbed Charley's shoulders, silently, until charley sat up and looked at him, narrowing his eyes.

"Why are you doing that?" He said, yawning.

"I don't know." Frank said.  
  
Charley laid back down, this time with his head on Frank's leg. Frank went back to what he was doing and Charley relaxed.

"If I die." Charley said, "Before my dad.. don't let him know."

"Do you plan to die before your father?" Frank laughed.

"Who are you? My shrink?" Charley said. "It just feels likely."

Frank laughed again, adjusting his position so that Charley's head was in his lap, legs crossed.

"You're not allowed to die." Frank said, "Not till we finish everything we need to finish."

"Well, of course." Charley said, cold as ever.

"Yup." Frank said.

He didn't want this. He didn't want it to be so cold and so cruel. He wanted to be in love with Charley.

"Frank." Charley said.

"Yes?" Frank said.

"I miss Mary." Charley said, "She was fun."

"You talk about her like she's dead." Frank said.

"No." Charley said, "I'm just lonely."

"I love you." Frank said.

"I wish that mattered." Charley said, " I know what you want from me. In every way, I know what it is that you want. And I'd give you some of what you'd want now, but I'm just.. really tired. So let me sleep."

"Okay, Charley." Frank said, "Let me pick you up, bring you in there-"

"Don't touch me." Charley said, "Just leave me be."

"But, I don't think I-"

"please." Charley said.

"Okay." Frank said, moving away from him, "Sleep well, Charley."


	6. Anything

Charley didn't know if he'd really fallen out of love with Frank, like he thought, or if he'd fallen out of love with the world. Back in his twenties, he hated the world, all the injustice, but fighting against said injustice implied that he really loved the world too much. Then of course, as he got older he got more self absorbed, fighting for himself instead. He cared about himself, his well-being, and his family. Could he even say he cared about that? 

Charley'd showered but he hadn't gotten around to shaving yet. He should've shaved right out of the shower and before getting dressed, but standing for so long on his ankle was too much and he needed to sit down. Or maybe it was a sign he needed to grow his facial hair out. Probably not, but maybe that would just be how it had to go.

Frank was busy looking through his closet, taking out shirts then mumbling a quick "no" before putting them back. The repetition of it all was quite mesmerizing, or perhaps it was ridiculous.

Frank finally settled on one and put it on, turning to Charley and frowning.

"All the dress shirts I own are gross, aren't they?" Frank mumbled.

"You've gained weight." Charley said, "They're a little tighter."

"I guess I'll have to get some new ones then." Frank grumbled. "Or lose 10 pounds. I think that. I want to look professional."

"Well, then you should reconnect with Gussie, she can hook you up with some wonderful amphetamines." Charley said.

Frank chuckled, "I'll give her a call."

"So, are you obsessed with looking good to eat dinner with my family who last night thought you killed me? Or are you just dealing?" Charley said.

"Who defended me." Frank said, then his eyes caught the window and he walked over to it, "Weird to see Beth again."

"I can't recall the exact words she said to me last I saw her, but it was definitely closer to 'never talk to me again' than 'I could never let a friend like you die'"

"She's irrational." Frank said, "That's what I always said, you just never believed me."

"I don't think she's irrational." Charley said.

"No one should ever fly all the way to New York to see you." Frank said.

Charley rolled his eyes, "Of course not."

"I think your whole family's a little nutty." Frank said.

"Still better than yours." Charley said.

"Leaps and bounds." Frank said, "They're all a middle ground. Crazy as you on one end, sane as Mary on the other."

"But surely they lean toward me?" Charley said.

"Of course."

Charley stood up, wincing at the pain, and limped over to Frank, "Where are you on this scale?"

"I want to say I'm right next to Mary, but I'm still right here after everything you've done and what you're doing now."

"Absolutely crazy." Charley said. "Frank, are you actually in love with me?"

"I am." Frank said, "I've told you that."

"Funny how that goes." Charley said.

"You're so dull." Frank said.

"Well, if I could sleep for 18 hours I would." Charley said.

"10 wasn't enough?" Frank said.

"8700 wouldn't be enough." Charley said. 

"Well, when you die we can all be pleased to know your need for rest will be fufilled." Frank said.

"I'm waiting for that day, Frank, I'm waiting for."

Frank laughed then turned to face him, "Mind if I kiss you?"

"I couldn't care less."

Frank did so, then pulled away and looked back at the window. Charley sat back down on the bed.

"Passionate." Charley mumbled.

"It's all we have left." Frank said. "can you believe Beth's remarried? I still can't believe that. I thought Frankie was just being cruel-"

"She has another son too." Charley said.

"I know." Frank said. 

"does that upset you?" Charley said, "You got married at 21, you can't expect a relationship like that to be so impactful that 20 years later she wouldn't have started a family again."

"you got married at 19." Frank said.

"And look where that got me." Charley said. "maybe it's just the world telling you to start another family."

Frank went silent, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Find some 35 year old desperate to have kids." Charley yawned, laying down, "Start a new little family, happily in early retirement, since you surely have enough money."

Frank went to the bed and sat next to Charley, putting a hand on his thigh. Charley pushed himself up and looked at Frank. Half-expecting for Frank to slam him down onto the bed and half-expecting Frank to start crying, Charley shifted toward him slightly.

"Charley, I have a daughter." Frank said.

"Frankie??" Charley said.

"what?" Frank said, "No. I have a daughter. You know that woman you met in LA? Meg?"

Charley felt all emotions return in that split second, bubble up into his skull, then sink down into his stomach and disappear.

"I have a baby girl back in LA." Frank said, "I'm not.. legally her father. I didn't sign the birth certificate. Meg's husband, it's a fake marriage to begin with, is knowingly raising her. I'm just... Uncle Frank. I guess. She was born a few months early, but she's doing good. So is Meg."

The only response Charley could bring himself to do was a laugh, which he did. Then, he reached over and pat Frank's shoulder. 

"Fantastic." Charley said, "Fantastic. I'm sure that's great for that poor 23 year old coke-head actress at the top of her career. I'm sure you made her life so much easier."

"Hollywood has ways of hiding this stuff." Frank said.

"Of course they do Frank, of course!" Charley said. "That poor girl.. "

"You can't change the past, Charley. Only the future." Frank said.

"Yet in 20-something years from Beth, you still haven't learned how to use a fucking rubber." Charley laughed. "would you like a standing ovation, Franklin? Would you like a Tony for 'best life ruiner'? Move over Sweet Sorrow, Frank Shepard has a new show to pull at the heart strings, his own pathetic life!"

"Why are you so upset about this?" Frank said. "Its not your life."

"Everything you do ends up in my life, Franklin." Charley said, "And if you're going to be in love me, that's double time."

"I don't even know what you want half the time." Frank said.

"Neither do I!" Charley laughed. 

Frank smirked, "This is how I like you."

"Angry with you?!"

"Passionately sanctimonious." Frank said. "Do you want to come to LA and meet her?"

"Your daughter? Sure. Of course. Why wouldn't I! Of course."

"why not?" Frank said.

Charley froze, took a deep breath and nodded, "Sure, I'd love to meet your daughter." 

"Thank you." Frank said.

"I'm not good with planes." Charley mumbled, "That's them only caveat, and this is geniune, I need you to be at my side as much as you can."

"That's reasonable." Frank said. 

Charley nodded, "Thank you."

Frank leaned his head on Charley's shoulder. Charley felt every and all emotion at once, fighting to escape from his brain and in the process getting stuck in one gigantic ball. Emotional dullness was one thing, but this was another. 

As he cooked dinner, more than he'd cooked in a while, Charley pulled a chair from the dining room into the kitchen and sat down. Frank stood nearby, sipping on a glass of water, and watching Charley.

"If you're in so much pain why don't you use those crutches?" Frank said.

"I have to get used to it." Charley said, "the arthritis isn't going to go away."

"Uh-huh." Frank said, "You limp like a stray cat who was hit by a car."

"Have you considered, perhaps, that is exactly what I want to be?"

"A stray cat hit by a car?"

"Yes."

"From playwright to stray cat hit by a car. I support you." Frank said. 

"Thank you." Charley said.

The phone rang and Frank answered it, then he gestured for Charley and Charley took the receiver.

"Charles Kringas-"

It was his agent.

"CHARLEY. Oh thank god-- you're finally answering the- Whatever. Whatever. That play of yours down in LA? where's my cut buddy-- I'm joking. Anyways. I need to meet with you about it, bunch of producers in-- whatever. WHATEVER. I'll call you back, alright. Can I stop by tomorrow?"

"Of course." Charley said.

"7:30." He said.

"yup." Charley said, and before he could reply he hung up and went back to his seat. 

"What was that?" Frank said.

"Nothing." Charley said, "Don't invite any guests over tomorrow at 7:30."

"Noted." Frank said.

The oven dinged and there was knocking on the door. Frank exited out to get the door, Charley got the food out of tbe oven.

\---

To no one but Frank's surprise, Charley's parents weren't the only people at the door. Danny and who frankt presumed was his new wife, were right next to them. 

Danny, the brother he'd beat up. How nice. 

Frank had always wondered about that, why Charley and Danny had such typical names while Charley's older brothers didn't. Frank didn't know. Frank had never found the time to ask. 

Playing host was Frank's very favorite. It was like he slipped into a different body entirely, confident, cool, funny. It was great. He took their coats and hung them up and led them to the dining room.

Charley, in typical Charley fashion, greeted without looking up and without a word, simply adjusting the chairs and waving. Frank cleared his throat and Charley looked up, spotting the two extra guests and sighing. He went into the kitchen and returned with two extra plates. The guests all sat down. Charley returned to the kitchen, and Frank followed him.

"I should've known." Charley said, quiet, as he took out silverware.

"Did you make enough?" Frank said.

"I won't eat and hopefully no one will take more than their share." Charley laughed, "Grab a bottle of wine will you? I think I'll need it."

"Don't drink on an empty stomach." Frank said.

Charley froze for a second and nodded, reaching over to the bread box, taking a slice out and stuffing it in his mouth, giving Frank a thumbs up. Frank laughed and took a bottle of wine down, going back into the dining room. Charley followed soon afterwards.

There was a weird intensity at the table, beyond the typical intensity tha followed Charley. Maybe it was how no one seemed to be talking to or about Charley, or how he was subtly glaring at Danny's wife, or occasionally at Danny. She was half his age.

"I believe you forgot to introduce yourself." Charley said, halfway through the dinner.

The woman smiled, "Oh, yes. I'm Eleanor."

Danny laughed, "And for reference, dear, that is, in fact, Charley."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Charley said, absolutely no joy in his voice.

"I was quite excited to meet you too." She said. 

"The same to you." Charley mumbled, then he mumbled something under his breath.

"How are your kids, Charley?" Danny said.

"the girls are all headed for top colleges. My son won't call me his father." Charley said, smiling, "What everyone expected."

"They were at the wedding, nice kids." Charley's dad said.

"They are." Charley said, "Smart, well raised. Good kids."

"like their mother." Frank said.

"Definitely like their mother." Charley laughed.

"They have that Kringas charm to them." Charley said.

"what's the "Kringas charm", Charles?" Charley's dad said.

"Intense anxiety." Charley said.

"Of course." Danny and Charley's dad said in unison. 

Frank pretended to understand, nodding.

The room went silent for a second, then Danny sighed and cleared his throat.

"Me and Mackenzie are moving to Chicago." He said.

"Good for you." Charley said.

Silence.

"I thought you'd want to know-- Ever since the bridge incident, I have been trying to be closer to you but I can tell that you are not a fan of it."

"'the bridge incident'" Charley simply echoed, he didn't seem upset.

Danny sighed, "This is good food."

"'the bridge incident'" Charley repeated, distant.

"What's the bridge incident?" Charley's mother said.

"nothing, mother, inside joke." Charley said.

Danny nodded. The room went silent again.

Frank stood up, "I'm going to see if we have.. anything sweet, you know? Charley, you'd know where it would be."

Charley rose and the two exited into the kitchen.

Charley leaned on the counter as Frank sorted through the freezer, both silent. Frank must've searched for ten minutes, before declaring it a lost cause and standing up. Charley had already taken out a premade pound cake and put it on a plate.

"Did you just find that--"

"I picked it up at the store early today." Charley said, "I just needed a break from them."

Frank rolled his eyes, "Of course."

The group ate in silence, neither or Frank or Charley taking a slice. 

"This place is very nice." Charley's mom said.

"Isn't it?" Frank said. "Very expensive, but I'm getting the chance to buy it soon and I just might."

"Geez, the apartment or the whole building?" Charley said.

"Don't test me, Charley." Frank said, "I'll become what you hate most."

"You already are-"

"A landlord!" Frank said. 

Charley's face dulled, "Please don't. we don't need more people exploiting the working class."

"No one in this building is working class." Frank said, smiling.

"Just don't." Charley said.

"I think he's joking, Charley." Danny said.

"I never know with him." Charley said, shaking his head, "Hand me your plates-"

"I got 'em." Frank said, standing up and taking the plates, "If your ankle is acting up maybe it's not best to carry a stack of breakable ceramic."

Frank collected the plates and brought them back to the kitchen, putting them into the sink. He stood there for a moment, debating washing them to avoid going back into the dining room. He could hear them talking.

"What does that mean? Your ankle?" Charley's mom said.

"He- he broke it." Charley's dad said, "Remember?"

"Yes but how did it happen?" 

Danny said: "He fell off a balcony."

Charley's dad said: "He was hit by a car."

Charley said: "Sailing accident."

Frank sighed, adjusted his blazer, and exited out into the dining room. In the few seconds it took him to get there, the family had already burst into arguing.

"Why are you LYING?!" Charley's mother said.

"I think you should tell her the truth." McKenzie said.

"You have no say in this matter." Charley said, "It's a long story, ma-"

"You're all being cruel to her. Just because she's not well.. "

"excuse me?!" Charley said, "Did you forget you're in a room of two psychiatrists?! I assure you that they know how to treat-"

Danny slammed his hand down on the table, "Don't speak to her that way, Charley!"

"She shouldn't even be here!" Charley hissed, "Neither should you! I invite two people over and I get four, just how typical is that-"

"He jumped off a bridge, Mrs. Kringas." McKenzie said.

The room went silent. Charley's mother covered her face. Danny sighed. Charley's father grumbled.

"Why do you even know that?" Charley said, "Danny, are you just telling my entire history to every Girlfriend you get nowadays?"

"she's my wife-"

"Yeah, this year's model!"

Danny lunged forward and grabbed Charley by the shirt collar. Frank watched, unsure of what to do.

"You sure run your mouth a lot about other's relationships for being such a fucking-"

"Get out before I call the police!" Frank shouted, trying to find the words.

The room went silent and Danny let go of Charley. Danny and McKenzie walked off. Charley's father stood up, taking Charley's mother, whose face had drained off all color, by the arm.

"It was good to see you two." He said, "Please call, when we're back in Chicago. I wanted to catch up with my son... "

He left. 

Frank was certain that Charley was going to start crying, or that he was going to throw a glass on the ground and scream, but instead he laid his head on the table.

"Jesus.." Frank said.

"I bring out the worst in them." Charley said. 

"you stress them out." Frank said. "I think that's always been the case.. usually they don't take it out on you."

"natural evolution." Charley said, "Most people stop being the most stressful member of the family."

"that's true." Frank said.

Charley sat up, "I'm.. just floored. I love my family and they've always been good, they've always been good. They'd continue being good if I stopped... Having problems."

"I think having problems is just who you are." Frank said.

"Exactly." Charley said. "Frank, come here."

Frank stepped over, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going to request something of you." Charley said, "Make me feel things, I don't care what."

"What do you mean?"

"Anything." Charley said. 


	7. Boring

Frank tried. He really did. He thought, occasionally, that he made Charley feel something, but Charley would claim it was only fleeting. Frank wasn't sure why he was doing it, it was hopeless. 

The next evening, Charley had spent most the day in bed, not sleeping necessarily, just curled up in bed. Frank had entered in a few times, just looking at him. On one of these lookings, Charley looked back. The two made eye contact and Frank sighed.

"Are.. you alright?" Frank said.

"I don't know." Charley replied. "I'm thinking."

"About what?"

"I can't explain it."

"It's almost 7:30 by the way." Frank said.

"ah.. " Charley said, "I lost track of time."

"Is someone coming?" Frank said.

"my agent." Charley said.

"Want me to tell him that you're not here?" Frank said.

"that would be nice." Charley said, closing his eyes.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later, he showed up. Frank didn't let him in, instead just stepped into the hall, closing the door behind him.

"Ah.." he said, "Hi, Mr. Shepard."

"He's not here." Frank said.

"Not feeling well, eh?" He said.

Frank just smiled.

"I know how he is." He said, "Tell him to call me. When he's.. better."

Frank nodded, "Will do."

//  
Psychiatry... He and Charley had been arguing about that for years. It was Charley's fix for everything.

Frank was aware, throughout most their lives, that Charley'd been seeing psychiatrists for a while, but Frank never cared to discuss it with him. It wasn't on his list of "interesting things to ask Charley about." Because if Charley was still like this... Well they were probably quacks.   
Charley's openness about the subject was faux, he was only open one on one with Frank, and occasionally when Mary was with them. Frank, of course, had learned to spot his eccentricities. Back in their 20s, he and Mary had their own words to describe how Charley was at any time. And of course, Evelyn and Mary would occasionally refer to any of Charley's many breaks as "moods"

When they'd happen at social events, or when Charley would miss a social event to be miserable at home, Frank had another list of terms. Always, of course, behind his back.  
\- Sorry, Gussie, he's having issues tonight. So many people! He can't handle it, his achiles heel.  
\- He's not doing good, don't take it personally.

Frank tried to understand, best he could, especially now, but if he was supposed to be able to just conjure up the proper sympathy from thin air, it wasn't happening.

Frank had seen a therapist and been to support groups when he first got to New York, and he'd told himself he'd go back. Charley wasn't wrong, it worked. But Frank felt fine without it, he didn't need it. No need to talk about your troubles when you barely have any troubles. Frank's life was pretty good, despite it all. No wife, no big house, his son seemed to hate him, but he still had his career and he had Charley. Though Charley wasn't really there. 

Beth had been in Frank's dreams every night since she was there. The dreams were never about her, but she was there. In the background or sitting at a table, Beth was watching. Tonight, she was in the corner of the room while various acquaintances shouted at Frank. He was standing at a podium and there was a script on the podium and the words kept changing and everytime Frank would try to say the words they'd change and the acquaintances would continue to shout.  
Frank woke up, arms wrapped around Charley, who was facing away from him the room silent. He shifted and nudged Charley a bit. Charley rolled over and looked at him. Frank pulled the duvet closer to both of them and then laid his head on Charley's shoulder. 

"My psychiatrist wants to see you today." Charley mumbled.

"I'm sure you can find a photo of me somewhere." Frank said.

"Well, he's not looking to jerk off to you, he's looking to talk to you."

"Mmm, no.." Frank said. 

"Please." Charley said, "It'll be quick and easy, just say I'm crazy and a hell to live with.."

"Okay.." Frank said, touching Charley's face, "So, have you just decided to grow a beard?"

"Shaving is an effort." Charley said.

Frank closed his eyes and moved closer to Charley. 

\--

Charley wanted to go back to sleep, he was tired. It was too early. But Frank had decided to hold him, pressing his head into Charley's neck and shoulder. What was it with Frank and necks? It was like he was being strangled. Charley played along, rubbing his shoulder as Frank really woke up and began kissing his neck, as expected. It was boring, he was bored. Frank was predictable, Charley was bored. Charley was going to have to wear a turtleneck to the appointment. Did he have any? He couldn't recall. Charley wasn't sure if he should bother to care.

It was like this with Evelyn, but never with Frank, not until recently. 

Evelyn was smarter than Frank, of course, she'd get upset and back away.

"What's wrong with you?" She'd said, once when they were on the floor of some acquaintance's party, "I swear, it's like kissing a wall."

Charley would blame the drugs and then kiss her back before simply pulling her close and making up something that would impress her. Usually it would be about the world or the faults of capitalism. She'd laugh and pull away and Charley would feel calm because they'd be sitting a foot apart and away from everyone else, but close enough that people would believe them. It felt good to be believed, to not be nervous.

With Frank, it was less nerves and more stress. Frank was stressful. Charley could check out with Frank. He could stare at the ceiling and or Frank's face and think about, whatever. There wasn't much to think about. But it was still stressful. Charley touched Frank's back.

At least it's something.

After a boring ten minutes of nothing much, Frank sat up and stretched, one hand unbuttoning his top button, still sorta leaning on Charley's legs. That hurt, his ankle hurt.

"I like the beard," Frank said, "Have you gotten that I like the beard?" 

Charley propped himself up with his elbows, pulling his legs up to his chest, "I got it."

Frank laid back, breathing heavily. "What am I supposed to say to your shrink?" 

Charley reached over and grabbed his glasses, "Geez, Frank, you're winded? You barely-"

"I'm- I don't know. It's early, I'm-" Frank said, "What do I say?"

"You'll know in the moment." Charley said, "Can I go back to sleep-- or?"

"I can't stop you." Frank said, "We had a good thing... happening, I think. I'm just.. "

"It's up to you... " Charley said, "I feel somewhere else."

\--

"I feel somewhere else." Charley mumbled, sitting back.

Frank, feeling a bit light-headed, sat up, "What does that mean?"

"I'm just somewhere else." Charley said.

"I'm somewhere else" Frank had heard that one before, many times, usually as the two stood in some crowd. Charley would almost be swaying and Frank would put a hand on his shoulder. But it had been Charley was for a week or so now. It was odd, almost surreal, to hear Charley say it so bluntly. Frank returned to his side, wrapping an arm around him. Charley sorta laughed, closing his eyes. 

Frank didn't go back to sleep, but Charley slept in like he'd been doing a lot lately. The two didn't speak again till they went to see the psychiatrist. 

Charley was dull, dressed in a turtle neck that really made his pointy shoulders obvious, his hair was still wet and tied up. He still hadn't shaved, which Frank liked. Charley and the psychiatrist exchanged greetings, then the psychiatrist lifted a hand to Frank. Frank shook the hand and the trio sat down. 

"So, I see you convinced him?" The psychiatrist laughed.

"No, he's here by choice." Charley said.

"No, I'm glad to be here." Frank said.

"That's good to know." The psychiatrist said. "I have some quick questions, both of you may answer."

"okay." Frank said.

"How long have you lived together?"

"On and off for... What two years?" Frank said, "Sorta."

"Stable for the past few months." Charley said.

"And why do you live together?"

"We're friends." Frank said, "I don't like living alone and my kid is grown and I'm divorced and Charley's wife has his children and they're divorced. It's natural."

"Of course. How long have you known eachother? Just for those two years?"

"Oh, no." Frank said.

"You Probably should know this." Charley said, "We've been all over the papers as of late."

"I don't read about my clients, but yes I do know who you are. I want to hear it from your mouths."

"Since we were 13 or 14 up until 73' and then we didn't reconnect till '79." Frank said.

"where did you meet?"

"School. We lived right by eachother, really." Frank said, "We moved to New York together."

"And what happened in '73?"

"Our friendship ended and I moved to L.A." Frank said.

"How was the friendship ruined? Distance?"

"No." Charley said, "I embarrassed him on live TV."

"Which we've moved past- I've forgiven him." Frank said.

"Not what I'm asking for, Mr. Shepard- And what caused you two to reconnect?"

"I.. don't know." Charley said.

"It's a long story." Frank said.

"Well, I'd like to hear it. You're my last clients of the day for a reason, right, Charley?"

"Well I can definitely afford it." Charley mumbled.

"Go on." The psychiatrist said.

Frank took a deep breath and grabbed Charley's wrist, "Well, my second wife and... My second wife left me and I was very lonely back in LA, and I wasn't doing well, so I needed to see someone who I knew would listen, so I got on a plane to LA and went Charley's apartment-- But, Charley wasn't there and he wasn't in a relationship with his wife anymore and she sent to his actual apartment and I found him and he convinced me to go back to LA."

"And you went back to LA?"

"Yes." Frank said, "And then a few months later... Charley showed up at my home, or rather my now ex-wife's home and asked to see-"

"I had an episode and was convinced that Frank had killed himself so I went to go check on him, walking all around LA till I figured out where Gussie lived and there she called Frank to come grab me before I went to find him himself, which would've probably killed me." Charley said.

"And I let him stay with me for a while." Frank said, "Cus he wasn't well.. and I realized that I had to stop hating him and we decided to write together again.

"and eventually I went back to New York." Charley said, "And we went back and forth from here to LA, you know, and uhm.. eventually his divorce was finalized, just like mine, and we settled in Manhattan full time."

"And uhh.. " Frank stopped, trying to recall what happened right before Charley left.

Charley was silent.

"Yes?" The psychiatrist said.

"I can't recall what I was going to say." Frank said.

The psychiatrist nodded, tapping a pen on paper and looked at Frank, "So, originally, why did you go to Charley? Did you not a social circle in LA?"

"I did. " Frank said, "But Charley's someone else entirely. I knew he'd be there for me."

"Even after 6 years of absence?" 

"Yes." Frank said.

"And, Charley, when you went after Frank? Do you consider that your reconciliation?"

"I guess." Charley said.

"Do you both feel that your reconciliation was genuine?"

Charley was silent.

"I do." Frank said, "I- I saw that Charley wasn't.. good. God, he walked around Southern California with nothing but his wallet and his own head and I realized that I had to come back, it was proof.. I couldn't just leave him like that."

"isn't that similar to what you said, Charley? That you were worried about his wellbeing?"

"no." Charley said, "That's different Because I wasn't well, I was convinced he was dead."

"Mutual concern." Frank said.

"It's different!" Charley said. "I didn't have any reason to be concerned for Frank."

"Yes you did!" Frank said, "I showed up at your apartment at-- what? 3 am?! I cried to you about my wife and then left without really saying goodbye!"

Charley took his glasses off, put his hands over his eyes and shook his head, "Can we change the subject?"

"Of course-"

"Just like that?" Frank asked, "We'll just stop talking about that-"

"I don't want to discuss it, Frank!" Charley said.

"There is no need to yell. We will drop the subject if you're uncomfortable-"

"Do you want to feel like we all think you're crazy? Because I don't think you're crazy but you obviously want me to go 'yeaah it's so irrational that you were concerned'!"

"Frank, STOP!" Charley said.

Frank almost said more but made eye contact with the psychiatrist and frowned, "Okay."

"Thank you." Charley said.

The psychiatrist cleared his throat and adjusted his seat, "What about recently? What's your day to day life? What do you work as, Frank?"

"I am a producer down in LA, but recently I've been handling the production remotely, phone calls and meetings." Frank said.

"Are you home together a lot?"

Charley nodded, still not looking up. 

"Do you fight?"

"Recently?" Frank said, "Bicker."

"Did you.. fight in the past?"

"often." Frank said. "Most of the time it didn't mean much."

"What do you mean by that?"

"We worked together, we had a lot in common and a lot not in common." Frank said, "That causes trouble, Sometimes. I think we never hated eachother."

"Do you agree with that, Charley?"

Charley nodded. Frank reached over and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Charley, you are aware that you have to be open in order for this to work."

Charley sighed and looked up, putting his glasses on, "What do want me to say? What he's saying is right."

"It's good to have a presence." 

Silence.

"How about recently? Have you two been bickering lately?"

"Not really." Frank said.

"I had family over last week." Charley said. "They like Frank."

"Was there fighting with them?"

"Definitely." Frank laughed.

"My brother's new wife.." Charley said, "I never get along with the wives of my brothers."

Frank laughed, "She was 25."

Charley nodded, "My mother is... My father is a psychiatrist, he doesn't treat her well."

"When we were teenagers, she'd sit and cry about how scared she was that he was going to lobotomize her, didn't she?" Frank said. 

"Constantly." Charley said, "My father wouldn't. My father wouldn't even when he could've, I like to think that-- No, but I brought that up because.. we all lie to my mother, constantly, to keep her calm. My mother doesn't have memory loss, she's always been this way, or at least since I've been around. Apparently, my older brothers remember when she was... She isn't connected to reality. And I look at her, and I see how everyone around her treats her, and I think of all the things that we keep from her and how we treat her and- isn't it funny how that goes? My family forever compared me to her, as they should, and I realize now that I wouldn't know if.. they were treating me like that. And I know people CAN do it, and would do it. And I like to think that Frank wouldn't ever, but... I don't think that's true."

Frank didn't know what to say.

"Charley--"

"No. I'm not finished yet." Charley said, eyes sparking with terror, "I KNOW it's not true, people do it to me all the time, it's inevitable. I just want to learn how to deal with it, accept it."

"Charley, that's not- I wouldn't do that to you." Frank said.

"Yes, you would." Charley said, making a rare bit of eye contact, "And its okay. I want it to be okay." 

"Charley, I'm struggling to understand what you mean-"

"I've told you all I can." Charley said.

Frank looked at the psychiatrist, "I think he's saying that he is.. slowly uhh, losing his mind.. and that people are going to start treating him as such whether or not he wants to or not."

Charley nodded, "Exactly."

"Why do you think that you're losing your mind?"

"I'm somewhere else entirely." Charley said, "I'm depressed, I know that, but this feels different. I recognize it as Different. I'm depressed often, this I've never been."

"How is it different?"

"I can't explain." Charley said.

"Frank, do you think that charley is.. losing his mind, as you call it?"

"No." Frank said, "I think he's eccentric, but he's always been like this. It's just different now because he's not married and.. we really only have eachother."

"Do.. you both not have friends?"

"I have friends, but not like Charley. and our mutual friend is out of the city for a while." Frank said.

"And Charley-"

"I don't like people." Charley said.

"And that's how it's been for his entire life." Frank chuckled. 

"That's true." Charley said. 

"Are you lonely, Charley?"

"No." Charley said.

"Are you lonely, Frank?"

"No." Frank said, not sure of his answer. 

The psychiatrist nodded, "Frank, I'd like to talk to Charley alone now."

Frank nodded, standing up, "Want me to wait for you, Charley?"

Charley nodded, "Yes, thank you."

When Frank stepped out, the receptionist was already gone and most the lights were out. Frank found a seat and sat, mindlessly staring at the clock. Eventually, Charley came out and the two went home, silent until then. 

Charley's agent was at the door, his face lighting up when he saw them. Charley grumbled.

"Evening, I knew I'd catch you eventually." He said.

Charley unlocked the door, not greeting him but waving a hand in acknowledgment.

"Charley, Charley, Charley. This is BIG. This is good money, I need-"

"I'll sign it." Charley said, opening the door and letting them both in.

"Without even looking-"

"I trust you not to screw me over." Charley said, taking off his jacket and hanging it up.

"Charley, baby, you're cold." He laughed, taking a thick packet of papers out of his suitcase, "But this is very warm."

Charley took a pen out of pocket and grabbed the packet, pressing it against the wall and going to sign it. Frank grabbed Charley's wrist.

"Let me look over it first." Frank said, "I get these things better than you."

Charley sighed and handed Frank the papers, looking back at his agent, "When do you need this?"

"Monday." 

"We're leaving on Monday." Charley said. 

"Let's discuss it now then." Frank said.

The three sat in the living room. Frank still perusing the contract. Broadway production of Charley's play, blah blah blah, it was typical. Charley was getting a more than fair cut, but he wouldn't like the lack of control he was getting. Frank didn't recognize the producer's name. 

"I think you should call a lawyer to try to bend some of this." Frank said, "This needs some work."

"Okay." Charley said.

"I need it by Monday evening." The agent said.

"I'll call my lawyer in the morning." Charley said.

"Their's won't be available on a weekend." 

"We don't get back till Thursday…" Charley said.

"Where are you going?"

"LA." Frank said. "Just stay here, Charley. Work it out with the lawyers."

Charley shook his head, "I want to meet your daughter."

"you have a daughter?" The agent said, "Just born?"

"Sorta sorta." Frank said.

"Congrats."

"Charley, you can meet her next time. This contract is shit, I can't let you sign it." Frank said.

"It's not shit." The agent said, "It's a very good deal."

"Monetarily," Frank said, "It would be fine for most, but you'd would lose full control of its rights, which I know you don't like, plus you're fixed with a single publisher-"

"I don't care about this play." Charley said, "It makes people want to pass out from it's horror, it's changed my career completely. I don't care if it got turned into a soap opera, let alone a bigger production. I don't need the full control of its rights."

Frank looked at him, "Are you sure? Charley, don't do something you'll regret."

Charley took out the pen again, "Maybe you'll get a chance to see it."

The agent grinned, watching as Charley signed it. Frank frowned. Charley handed the papers back to his agent.

"Wonderful!" He said, placing it back in a suitcase, "I love you, Charley. You're the best client I have- the night is young, how about I run across the street and buy the most expensive champagne they sell at the corner store? Celebration."

Frank laughed, "Why not?"

The agent, leaving his suitcase but taking his jacket, left. Charley leaned closer to Frank.

"I like your psychiatrist." Frank said. "That was nice."

"Something like that." Charley said.

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly." Charley said. 

"I want to be here for you, Charley. You have to understand that. I tried to be cold and cut off like you are, but I can't do that. I love you too much. Do you understand that?"

"I do know." Charley said. 

"That's the only response you can offer?" Frank said.

"what do you want me to say?" Charley said.

Frank shrugged, leaning over to kiss him. Charley sorta chuckled, putting his hands on Frank's shoulders. They pulled away from eachother, Charley's hands still on Frank's shoulders, but now wrapped around him.

"Frank." Charley said.

"Yes?" Frank said.

"I miss Mary." Charley said.

"I miss her too." Frank said.

"She's a good person, isn't she?" Charley said, "We should be better to her when she gets back."

"I agree with you on that." Frank said, "Are we going to tell her?"

"About this?" Charley said, "Let her figure it out, I'd say."

"I'm eventually going to bring both of you to meet my daughter, I promise you that." Frank said, "And Frankie too, sometime."

Charley nodded.

The agent returned with the bottle of cheap champagne and Charley got up to get glasses and a corkscrew. Frank sat back and smiled.

"He's a great guy." The agent said, "Isn't he, Frank? Off the fucking walls, but good."

"He's a lot of things." Frank said, "Makes you a lot of money, I'm guessing?"

"I just got my townhouse redecorated." He said, "if that answers your question."

Frank laughed then looked at the agent square in the face, "Be gentle on him. He's having a hard time, lately."

"He's been having a hard time for at least all the years I've been his agent." He said, "I know how to deal with him."

Frank nodded, "Just.. "

Charley entered, carrying the glasses and the corkscrew. He placed the classes on the table then handed the corkscrew to the agent and sat back next to Frank, grabbing his wrist. Frank smiled.

By the time the agent left, they'd finished the bottle, Charley was half asleep, and Frank was at the piano. 

"Want do you want me to play?" Frank said.

"Just put a record on." Charley said, "Sit with me."

"Fine." Frank said, standing up and going to the collection of records, "What do you want?"

"Surprise me." Charley said.

Frank thumbed through the box till he found something interesting and took it out, "Frank Sinatra?"

"As long as it's not that... Stupid song.." Charley said.

"Good thing?" Frank said.

"Yeah, as long as I don't have to hear that."

"Well, that's the only reason I own this." Frank laughed, "What about-"

"I don't care what you put on Frank, I just want music." Charley said.

Frank put the Sinatra on, and that damn song started playing, and he sat next to Charley. 

"It's awful." Charley mumbled, closing his eyes and tapping his fingers on Frank's leg in time, "Not even a good version of it."

"Mhmm." Frank said, "You're right."

"There isn't a single good cover of that song." Charley said, "Not even the version in the show.. "

"I can't listen to it anymore, Gussie." Frank said, "Sinatra has less baggage."

Charley chuckled, "Well, I'd hope so." 

Frank adjusted and wrapped his arms around Charley. Charley ran his hand through Frank's hair, pulled closer, kissed him, and pulled him closer. The two curled up, just listening to the music and eachother's breathing. It was nice, Frank felt nice.


	8. Responsibility

A painful flight, and a long ride from the airport later, the two showed up at a hotel outside of San Diego. Charley was tired, Frank was not. Charley's ankle was killing him with every step. The two checked in and went up to their room, Frank tossed their bags down and put on a new shirt, something nicer, then found his comb and combed through his hair.

"No time to settle, I want to drive down to see her tonight." Frank said, "We'll probably be back around 9:30."

"Wonderful." Charley said, leaning on the wall, "Are you driving?"

"Mags got me a driver." Frank said. "She'll be coming with us."

"Mags is.. still your assistant?" Charley said.

"When I'm in LA she is." Frank said, "I don't need one when I'm on New York."

"So.. she's just been waiting?"

"I said I'd give her a lot more in 4 days than she's making in a month at her current job." Frank said, "Like a gig."

Charley nodded, "Strange. I don't get why we need her."

"She's good to have around. Helps me keep my head on, Charley." Frank said.

"And where would we be without that head of yours?"

Mags was silent for the way there, other than a quick, "Hello, Mr. Shepard, Mr. Kringas." She sat, arms crossed, opposite side of Frank.

Frank has his hand on Charley's shoulder, massaging slightly. Charley closed his eyes and laid his head back.

"Her name is Murial." Frank said, "My daughter."

"that's a pretty name." Charley said.

"I was always a little jealous that you had daughters," Frank said, "I think it must be easier to be a good father to a daughter."

"What do you mean?" Charley said.

"I'm not tough, I'm not.. I'm not what I always imagined my son would have for a father, you know? Don't you feel that with your son?"

"Only recently." Charley said, "I feel it with my daughters too."

"Oh." Frank said. "alright."

Charley opened his eyes and looked out the window. California wasn't pleasant to look at. 

Mags came in behind them when they got to Meg's, she practically jumped in Frank's arms. He didn't kiss her, just hugged her. Charley leaned against the wall, watching Mags as she meandered in the entrance.

"The nanny just got her to sleep." Meg said.

"I want to see her." Frank said. "We won't wake her up."

"Please don't." Meg said, "I was on set all day, I can't stand anymore screaming."

Frank laughed and Charley followed them down the hall. Meg wouldn't turn the light on, but pushed the door open slightly, allowing them all to look in. Frank stepped in, grabbing Charley's wrist and pulling him to his side. Charley could barely see in all the darkness, but Frank was pointing in a direction toward a white crib.

"She's beautiful." Frank whispered.

Charley couldn't see her, but nodded.

The 4, Meg, Mags, Frank, and himself, all sat in the conversation pit of Meg's living room. A man, who Charley presumed was Meg's husband, was standing off to the side. Frank's eyes were bright and he was grinning. Mags was still silent. 

"I'm not home much." Meg said, "So I don't know how she is a lot, but whenever I'm home she's a little angel."

"Is she in a daycare?" Charley asked.

"no, we have the nanny." Meg said.

"You should consider it." Charley said, "Good to give the kid socializing, even early on."

Frank nodded, "You should listen to him, Meg, he's got 4 kids."

"Four?!" She said, "Oh my god, how?!"

Charley chuckled. 

"His first were triplets." Frank said. "can you imagine that? One second life is normal, next second you have three babies?"

"good lord." She laughed.

"It gets easier to raise little ones." Charley said, "You get used to all the awfulness and it's gets easier to notice the nice parts."

Meg smiled, "That's good to know-- Oh, I saw your play!"

"What?" Charley said.

"In LA." She said, "Right before it closed. It was great, I cried."

Charley chuckled. Mags looked up.

"I saw it too." She said.

Meg looked at her, "The ending! I've been thinking about it since I saw it--" she looked back at Charley, "explain the ending."

"He was very drugged up while writing it." Frank said.

"I don't care to discuss it." Charley said. He was tired. He hated the play. 

Meg laughed and her and Frank went back to talking. Mags stood up and gestured for Charley to follow her. He shook his head slightly and she walked off, rolling her eyes.

"I think when she's in school you should bring her to New York." Meg said. "Get her into a nice school up there."

Charley looked up. 

"Well..." Frank said, "I can get you a place up there when that time comes, Meg."

"No, no." She said, "I mean, you get custody of her. She can live with you."

Frank laughed, "I'm not her FATHER Meg."

"Yes you are." Meg said, "You know that."

"Not legally." Frank said, "I didn't sign the birth certificate, your husband is legally her father."

"Then, take guardianship." She said, "When she's.. 5 or 6. We'll sign custody over."

"Meg, I'm 42, I don't want to be raising a small child when I'm nearly 50." Frank said.

"Frank, you're her father." Charley said, "You made choices and you have to live with them."

"Let's not argue-"

"I'm not arguing with you." Charley said, "I'm saying that you're being immature."

"Sounds pretty argumentive to me." Frank said, "It's a hard no for me, Meg. I'm sorry. She's your daughter, and she's my daughter, but she's not MY daughter."

"Then you shouldn't of-" she went silent and blinked away tears, "Okay..."

"I'll get her into a wonderful school here." Frank said, "Don't worry."

She nodded.

Mags entered, not sitting down.

"Mr. Shepard, we should be getting going if you want to be back before 11."

Frank nodded, standing up, "Alright."

Charley stood up as well, trying not to wince as he put weight on the ankle. Charley wanted an aspirin, but moreso he wanted to sleep.

The two walked up to the hotel alone, the driver bringing Mags her own way. Charley felt ill, pain did that to him. Frank was still giddy, practically pacing as Charley sat on the bed. Charley was trying to get the shoe off his bad ankle. It must've been swollen. He had to practically take the lace out of it to get it off, then tossed it down with the other. The shoes were nice, much better than Charley normally wore, but he was tired and in pain and they were frustrating. Frank looked at him and smiled.

"I know I said to her that I wasn't Murial's father but I am." Frank said, "Just not like that. I'm going to be around and there for her-" 

Charley nodded, "Of course. Absolutely. That is one percent how it works.."

"She hasn't begun talking yet so tommorow I'm going to spend the entire day just playing music for her, will you join in on that?"

"Obviously… You don't happen to have any aspirin in your bag?"

Frank shook his head, "Are you alright?"

"Ankle's swelling." Charley said.

Frank nodded, "I'll call mags and tell her to get you some on your way here tommorow."

"Thank you." Charley said as Frank crossed to the phone. 

After a while, frank finally reached Mags, said some words, then hung up and sat on the bed, rolling over to Charley and grabbing him by the shoulders.

"Thank you for coming with me." Frank said, then went serious, "Don't argue with me in front of her." 

"I'm not arguing." Charley said, "What I said is what I think."

"It was arguing-"

"Why does it bother you?"

"Because it's MY life Charley." Frank said, "I don't need two people telling me how to live it long term." 

"We're telling you how to live it long term in the context of your daughter." Charley said, "Children are long term."

"And I am an awful father." Frank said, "I can play the 'uncle Frank' that Meg and i agreed to play with Murial. I cannot be her father, I will ruin her life."

Charley wasn't quite sure what to say, he shook his head and looked around the room, "This place is too nice for us."

"What do you say?"

"What happened to you, Frank?" Charley said, "You were so humble at one point. You knew you were good, but no need to show off. You cared about what was real, what you could hold."

"I see you're feeling well enough to criticize me." Frank grumbled. 

"Whenever we're in LA, you act like this-- this. In New York you're just a normal rich bastard, but in LA? LA?! You're a star. I hate it. It's disingenuous."

Frank stood up, "Of course."

"You're NOT a star." Charley said, "You PRODUCE films, not star in them."

Frank pulled his shoes on, "And that means absolutely everything, as we all know. You and I have never had to deal with the cameras, well known."

"I'm saying that most the time, you're just a regular guy. You're just that girl's father." Charley said, "you can't play Frank Shepard, "The star" when you're Frank Shepard, the person."

"You really are a writer, aren't you?"

"Not in quite a while." Charley said. 

Frank grumbled, pulling on a jacket, "So what do you want me to do? Want to get all our shit and find a motel six?"

"I want you to think about-"

"I want you to just let it be. Okay? Let. It. Be." Frank said.

Charley nodded, "Fine."

"And don't be all.. passive aggressive." Frank mumbled, pulling a comb through his hair.

"Where are you going?" Charley said.

"You're in a bad mood." Frank said, "I'm going to spend the night with someone fun." And with that Frank was gone.

Charley laid back down, unbuttoning his top button and staring up at the ceiling. After a while, he sat up and looked around the room.

He wanted to talk to mary. He wanted to bitch to her about how awful LA always made Frank. And he knew she'd agree and they'd laugh about it. That wasn't an option.

Part of him almost called Evelyn. An excuse to have a normal conversation with someone. He'd ask about the kids. But it was late, he didn't want to wake her. 

There was a bar downstairs. Charley could go down and order a vodka and soda and chat with the bartender. But, it would be a waste. Charley wanted to talk to someone he knew. And besides, he was tired. And his ankle hurt. 

He must've fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, he was jolted awake, and in a bright and loud room. Frank was pulling his glasses off. Charley sat up and tried to grab them back, eyes adjusting to the light.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." Frank mumbled, "I didn't want these to get crushed."

Charley's mind adjusted to the room and it was just as it was. Dull warm lights and just Frank and him. Charley sat up and took his glasses back.

"What time is it?"

"Half past three." Frank said, pulling the blanket up.

"Have you been drinking?" Charley said.

"No." Frank said, then he stopped and got out of bed, walking over to a small plastic bag, pulling something out, and walking off into the room. Charley resisted the urge to fall back asleep. Frank returned and handed him a cup of water and a bottle of aspirin. He sat back down and Charley took a pill and downed the water.

"Thank you." Charley said.

Frank laid down, staring at the ceiling, "You're welcome."

"What were we fighting over?" Charley said.

Frank pulled him into a kiss, not replying. Charley was fine with that. 

That morning, Charley woke up groggy. Frank wrapped up in his arms, for once Charley was awake first. He sat up, reached over Frank, and found his glasses, putting them. To his surprise, Mags sat on a chair nearby, reading a magazine. 

"What are you-"

"He told me to come early and gave me a key." She said. "It's early."

Charley rolled his eyes, pulling away from Frank and taking the rubber band out of his hair.

"I don't care what you two do." She said, "I'm getting paid to listen to him, not to judge."

Charley nodded, "You sound like my shrink." He said, standing up.

Instantly upon putting weight on his ankle, Charley was struck with worse pain than even what he felt upon impact and he fell back, gasping. Frank woke up and he and Mags both spoke, equally as tiredly. 

"Are you alright?"

Charley collected himself, biting his nuckles to distract, then nodded.

"It's just bad today." Charley said, looking at Frank, "Go back to sleep."

Once Frank had, which didn't take very long, Charley bit his lip and stood back up, this time leaning all his weight on the opposite leg and leaning on the wall.

"I got you aspirin." Mags said.

"Frank got some last night." Charley said.

Mags nodded, "Want to keep the bottle on you just in case?"

"Yes." Charley said, "That's smart. Let me dress first."

Charley hated hotel bathrooms more than he hated possibly anything. Everything felt slightly too sharp, he was terrified of cutting his feet on everything he came across.

There was luckily a bar in the shower that he could lean on, and the hot water felt good. The pain was dizzying and he occasionally thought about just sitting down and steadying himself, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get back up.  
Mags knew so much. Charley didn't like it.

Eventually he was able to get out of the shower and dress, though slowly. He limped back out to the room, wishing he could simply, hop, and sat down at the nearest chair. His hair was still wet, but he tied it up nonetheless. In what must've only been an hour since waking up, he felt like he'd gone 48 without sleeping. 

"Do you want a hairtie? I'm sure I have one."

"Hairties are bourgeois." Charley said, "But thank you."

Frank was up, drinking coffee as he read the paper, and that remark made him chuckle a bit.

Frank rubbed his eyes and stood up, placing the paper and the cup off to the side then passing Charley.

"I'll shower then we'll be out." He called.

Mags looked at Charley, "Would you like me to get you something to eat?"

Charley shook his head. "I'm alright."

"You remind me of my father." She said, "If he comes out early, tell him I'm getting the car ready."

She stood up, turned and left. 

\--

Charley looked like death had met him. When Frank got out of the shower, Charley was sitting on a chair with his head in his hands. With the energy of a wet and tired dog, he was curled over himself, left hand occasionally coming down to touch the bad ankle (as if he was trying to prove to himself it was really there)

Frank kept an eye on him as he got dressed. Charley remained silent. Mags was gone. 

Frank bit his lip then crossed his arms and said what he didn't want to say, "Charley, do we need to go to the ER? You're looking real bad, buddy."

"You need to see your daughter." Charley said.

"Then I'll drop you off at the ER. Give you cash for a cab-"

"Frank, just go." Charley said, "I don't need to go to the ER for arthritis."

Frank sighed, "I wanted you there with me."

"Oh, how heartbreaking." Charley said, "Whatever will you do having to be alone with that child."

"Why does LA always put you in a bad mood?" Frank grumbled.

"It doesn't." Charley said.

"Yes it does!" Frank said, "I'm tired of it! YOU wanted to come-"

"I'm NOT in a bad mood." Charley said.

"So, you're just being yourself." Frank said.

"What's that mean?" Charley said.

"You're being an asshole." Frank said.

"I am in pain." Charley said, "I simply said that I cannot go with you."

"But you had to add that remark." Frank said, picking up Charley's shoes and tossing them near Charley. "If this is what Evelyn had to deal with-" he stopped, "Just come with me. You can sit down all day, I don't care. Meg's nanny is gonna be gone, Meg's gonna be gone, it'll just be you and me. You are good with kids, and I'm a little rusty on-"

Charley shook his head, "Fine. Help me up."

"I knew you'd come through." Frank said, smiling.

Charley's face dulled, "Excuse me?"

"The asshole bit is an act." Frank said, "I knew it."

Charley just stared at him blankly.

"It's a compliment." Frank said, "Good lord. Give me your arm."

"I should've known what you were doing." Charley laughed, "I should've known the 'I am trying to be sympathetic' thing was a front. I know what you're doing Frank, just like we were." Charley stood up, hobbling over to the phone, wincing with every step, "I would've been safer with Gussie."

"What the fuck are talking about?" Frank said, "You're getting like this again. You weren't kidding when you said that planes mess with you- Who are you calling?" Frank laughed, "Gussie? You think that she'll come to help you? Your family?"

Charley just glared at him, tapping the phone with his fingers but not dialing any number. 

"Get your shoes on and let's go out to the car." Frank said.

"You are-"

Frank slammed his hand into the wall, "Charley, I get it! Stop acting crazy and-"

"I'm not-"

"YOU ARE CRAZY. there, I wasn't gonna say it, because it seems to distress you, and I don't want to hurt you, but it's true. You're crazy and you're being irrational." Frank said, "But don't be like your mother, accept it and listen to me. I won't lie to you. If you think that anything I say is some.. attempt to manipulate you or to hurt you, you are not grounded in reality."

Frank wasn't sure if he regretted it, it was true. Maybe. 

"Why- why would you say that?" Charley said.

Frank wasn't sure where else he could go, he stepped forward and put a hand out to him, "I'm genuine. It's what I feel."

"You said I wasn't-"

"I don't like seeing you upset, Charley. You're hardly even here." Frank said. "I told mags to play along, I'm trying to make it easy on you."

"Don't do this." Charley said, "It's not funny, Frank. It's not-"

"Charley." Frank said, "I love you. Geniunely and fully and if you leave, you will not be around much longer. You will lose control and you will stop being you. You don't want that, do you?"

Frank's words made Frank feel nauseous. 

"I-"

"So, calm down. And think, and listen to me." Frank said, "Okay? I love you."

Charley was silent on the way there. Denying to make eye contact with him or Mags. Charley popped an aspirin and leaned away from him, staring out the window. 

And he was silent throughout the rest of the day, avoiding Frank's eyes. Occasionally mumbling about being in pain, but always shutting up when Frank would ask him what he said. 

Murial was a quiet baby and she liked grabbing at Charley's hair and glasses. He'd watch her, silent, whenever he held her, holding back chuckles when she'd grab his glasses and try to toss them away, or pull on his hair. She didn't like being held by Frank, probably because Frank didn't have glasses or long hair, and Because he liked talking to her.

Charley was holding her as Frank played a song, sitting next to him. Music was good for children, that's what Frank thought. Frank took her from Charley and sat her on his lap. Charley watched.

"Do you think she'll scream if I let her touch the keys?" Frank said.

"Probably." Charley said.

Frank moved her hand to the key and pressed down slightly, not enough to hurt her. She squirmed and made a slight sound. Charley smiled. 

"I'm getting her in piano lessons earliest I can." Frank said, "Vocal too maybe, violin definitely."

Charley nodded.

She was falling asleep and Frank stood up and carried her to her the bassinet. He returned to Charley, after a while, watching the bassinet.

"She's a peaceful baby." Frank said.

"She'll be 20 in 2001." Charley said, "Won't she?"

Frank nodded, "That's..."

"She'll be closer in age to Frankie's children, if he has any anytime soon, than Frankie."

"You're great at math." Frank said.

"Make sure Meg puts her in daycare. Get her connected with other kids." Charley said, "Being the youngest like that is awful."

Frank nodded, "I'll be sure to tell her that my friend whose kids hate him has parenting advice."

Charley went silent. Frank still felt bad. But stopping now would only make it worse. What other option was there? Charley'd get over it. He wouldn't believe it forever, he'd understand Frank's point of view eventually. He wasn't well, he was "depressed" as he said it. He was in pain and miserable, it was Frank's only choice to keep Charley from letting himself just die. Frank loved him. He had to help him, even if it was cruel. He had to...

\---

Nothing was real, Frank was right about that. There was no way that this had become Charley Kringas' life. That's what he thought as he laid awake that night, Frank's arms wrapped around him.

He couldn't sleep. He was edge. 

Frank had to be bullshitting. Frank had to be being cruel or stupid or exploiting him. 

He was in so much pain.

Frank was sound asleep, sorta snoring. Charley pulled free from him and sat up, looking around the room.

None of this could be real, Frank was right. There was no way that any of this could happen. There was no chance, no way. Charley wanted to cry, but he wouldn't. That would only wake Frank up and it would confirm it.

Charley almost reached over to the phone. He stopped himself. Who would he call? Mary wasn't available. Evelyn wouldn't care. His family didn't care. It was much later in New York too, no one would be awake. There was Gussie, but she was nearly as bad as Frank. It was lost cause.

The fact that there was no one was sorta funny. It was a confirmation. Frank was right. 

Charley had to be crazy to think that any of this was okay. That he'd end up here without a catch. The catch was that he was crazy and everyone knew it and had given up on him. Frank hadn't, somehow. And Charley had tried not to give up on himself but he had, Frank was the only thing keeping him from.. he didn't know what. Frank was right.

Charley had once said "You know the last time you were right, buddy? 1957 on the roof."  
Frank was right once again. Twice. Funny.

Charley didn't feel correct, right, real. Everything was out of place but right where it had to be, that wasn't fair.

What type of world would let Charley go on like this? Frank's world. Frank's world would do this to him. Charley wanted to cry.

He didn't cry. Charley almost did right then but stopped himself, leveling his breathing and staring out into the darkness of the room. He couldn't see. He couldn't think. The only things that were real, that weren't shrouded in darkness, were the bed, and the phone, and Frank. Charley could see himself, but even that was blurry and he wasn't sure.

He made a point of not crying. He wanted to write, but he couldn't. He had nothing to write with or on. So he just sat there, whispering sentences under his breath. They weren't good sentences either, they were repetitive and odd, and didn't tell a coherent story. Words out of order. Like a confession. 

Like Frank was right. 100%. There was no doubt about this anymore in his mind. Frank was right. Charley was gone. Charley was over. Frank was right.

The acknowledgement that Frank was right, which hit around 6:30 as Mags got in, hit Charley intensely.

"Frank is right." Charley whispered ad she entered, interuppting a sentence.

She looked at him and whispered back as she turned on a lamp across the room, "What did you say?"

"Frank is right." Charley said.

"About what?" She said.

"Everything." Charley said, reaching over past the phone, grabbing the bottle of aspirin, taking a single pill out, and swallowing it dry, "Everything."

She nodded, raising her eyebrows, "Alright, sir." 

Charley was in pain and he didn't feel tired, but he was out of it in other ways. Spacey and dull throughout the rest of the day. It was the last day there. Meg, with the baby, and Mags, and Frank, and Meg's husband, went out to the dinner. Charley didn't eat. And when Frank was saying his goodbye and Meg started to tear up, Charley didn't speak. 

Frank and Charley went out to the car afterwards, Frank about two minutes from tears himself. He stopped and leaned on the doors, taking out his wallet and looking through photos. Charley leaned by him, looking up at the sky.

Mags, who Frank had said wouldn't be coming with them that night, entered out and gave them a wave. Frank looked up and smiled. She stepped forward and handed Frank a card, something he'd dropped.

"Thank you." Frank said.

Mags laughed, then she looked at Charley, "Step away with me for a bit, Mr. Kringas, I would like to talk to you."

Charley followed her a little bit away. She stopped and faced him.

"I won't be returning as his assistant next time he's in LA." Mags said, "I'm moving up to Rocklin, I don't want to be in this buisness anymore." She took out her wallet and pulled out a card, handing it to him, "I don't like him, I don't trust him, and I don't want to be associated with him. But, if you're ever stuck in LA with him and he loses his fucking mind, downs a bottle of librium in the car, feel free to call."

"I thought you.. didn't care about that." Charley said.

"That's why I'm leaving. I have a son, I want to be good. If your life makes you stop caring about others, it's a shitty life." She said, turning and leaving.

Charley forgot her face the moment she turned, and he stood there in pain for a while just watching her leave. Frank touched his shoulder.

"Are we going?" Frank said.

Charley nodded.

The next morning they flew back, getting in that evening. Frank was tearful when they got home, going on about how much he missed his daughter and Meg already, and how much he missed LA. Charley didn't console him, but he listened. Eventually Frank wore himself out, and the two just sat silently on the sofa. 

"I love you, Charley." Frank said. He was right, but it was such bullshit.

The phone rang and charley got to it before Frank.

"Charles Kringas speaking." He said.

"It's an odd question," Mary said, "But I just got Back, and my apartment is.. the worst.. and I want to talk to someone. Mind if I come over?"

Once again, Charley almost started crying, "Come right down, come right down."

"Alright." She hung up.

Charley hung the receiver up and looked back at Frank.

"Who was that?"

"It was Mary."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought it would be as easy as Frank deciding to be nice? No actual work to change himself?


	9. I Need Your Warmth

Mary could tell, instantly, when she got to Charley and Frank's apartment that something was wrong. She couldn't put her finger on why though. She hadn't forgiven them, not entirely, but that wasn't it. There was something else. 

She hugged Frank when she came in, a quick and unfeeling hug.

"I missed you." Frank said.

"Thank you." Mary said, looking over his shoulder.

Charley was sitting at the sofa, watching them.

Frank took her coat and hung it up and she went into the living room. He didn't jump to greet her, just sorta smiled. He seemed more excited on the phone. After a short pause, she lifted a hand to him and he shook it, nodding.

"It's good to see you." Charley said.

"Thank you." Mary said.

"How was.. rehab?" Charley asked.

"It was great." Mary said, "As you'd expect." She reached into her bag and pulled out the envelope, handing it to Charley, "There's the extra in cash."

Charley placed the envelope down on the table and nodded.

"Was it really great?" Frank said, "I struggle with knowing with you."

"It was a little bit in farse. I was in withdrawal for most of it." Mary said, "How are you two doing?"

"We're alright." Frank said, "Just got back from California."

"Isn't that nice?" Mary said, taking a seat next to Charley. "you have a beard."

Charley touched his face and nodded, "I do."

"I don't like it." Mary said, "It's weird."

"You get used to it." Frank said, "It's grown on me."

"Well it clearly didn't grow ON you." Mary said.

Charley nodded. Mary folded her arms over her chest. Frank stretched and sighed.

"I'm going to get us some... Crackers or something." Frank mumbled, walking off into the kitchen.

Mary turned to Charley, "How are you?"

"I am.." Charley said, "How are you?"

"I'm doing fine. I reconnected with my family, if only to apologize for all the bullshit I put them through. I plan to do the same with Evelyn, and I'd like to do the same for you." Mary said.

"You didn't do anything to me." Charley said, looking up at the ceiling, "I wasn't good to you. Not the other way around." 

"Well, thank you for that, but that's not the point." She said. "It's mot the time to bring that up, though. I just needed to have company."

Charley nodded, "That's always a good thing."

"Can I.. hug you?" Mary said, "I know we'd usually be going back and forth, but I'm feeling sentimental tonight."

Charley shrugged and she wrapped her arms around him. After a bit, he put his arms around her and they hugged for a moment before he pulled away. Mary let go of him and just held his arm, she missed him. He didn't pull his arm away.

"Is being here upsetting you?" Mary said, "You seem bothered."

"I'm not bothered." Charley said, "I'm not feeling well, nothing to do with you- I'm sorry."

Frank entered in and tossed a box of crackers on the table, then took a seat next to Mary. 

"Good to have this trio back together." Frank said, "Isn't it?"

"It is." Mary said.

"Step away with me, Mary." Frank said, "I have to ask you something in private." 

Mart nodded and stood up. Charley didn't respond.

Frank and Mary went into the bedroom, Frank closing the door behind him. He leaned against the wall, biting his lip.

"I know what you're going to ask." Frank said, "I'm just asking you to try to think back to how he can be, this is just how it is."

"What's up with him?" Mary said.

"He's... Being himself." Frank said, "You know how he gets."

Mary crossed her arms, leaning back onto her heels, "What happened?"

"He's depressed, Mary." Frank said. 

"No shit." Mary said, "But when he's depressed, you two fight. What's happening? Should I be watching my tongue?"

"What do you mean?" Frank said, "Are you asking why we aren't fighting-"

"He gets irritable, Frank." Mary said, "That's what I'm saying. He's cautious, not irritable."

"I don't know how Charley's head works!" Frank said, smacking the desk, "He's in pain-- he's got arthritis in his ankle. It's been bad lately. He's not been sleeping. I'm try to be good to him."

Mary sighed, "Okay, I get it. Just wanted to make sure that no one died while I was gone."

Frank went to the desk and picked up a empty picture frame, staring down at it for a while. He placed the frame back down and took out his wallet, removing a photo from it and placing it on the desk.

"I said something awful to him." Frank said, "That's the truth. That's why he's all quiet and weird. It's why he won't look any of us in the eyes."

"he never looks anyone in the eyes-"

"You know what I mean." Frank said.

"He can be sensitive." Mary said.

Frank shook his head, "Its more than that, Mary. I don't know how to fix this."

"I can't believe I have to ask you this." Mary sighed, "But have you tried… apologizing?"

"Its worse than that." Frank said.

"Charley is really receptive to a good apology." Mary said, "You could break his nose and say sorry and he'd forgive you. Probably isn't a good thing, but-"

"It's worse than that." Frank said, "It was manipulative and awful and I regretted it when I first said it, but I can't just reverse it."

"Well, you can still apologize." Mary said.

"Mary, he told me, last week, that he was afraid of being like his mother-- you've heard about her before? She's crazy-- well whatever, his entire family lies to her, keeps her in complete control, makes her very aware that they think she is incapable, right? They also make the comparison between her and him often, and he hates it. She's completely detached from the world around her, he's terrified of being detached from reality. It's always what been behind him, you know that right? I think that's why he wrote- I think that's why he- And we were up in LA, and we got into an argument, and he was about to leave, and if he left- Mary, if he left, God knows where he'd end up, if he'd be safe, and I panicked. Mary, I PANICKED! I know it was wrong, but I told him that him trying to leave without thinking, thinking that I hated him, was proof he WAS detached from reality. I just wanted to stall him-- I didn't know he'd actually believe me."

Mary didn't know what to say. She stood there for a few minutes, processing, which Frank took as an opportunity to keep talking.

"Mary, if I hadn't said that, he probably wouldn't be here right now." Frank said, "Airports mess with his head, he would've ended up in god knows where. He'd be dead, or stuck somewhere, or he'd disappear for another few months, get hurt."

Mary stepped back and sat on the bed, "What is wrong with you?" 

"Mary, last time this happened he got drugged by Gussie and spent 3 months stuck in her house, writing nonstop. I am an asshole, but it's for his own sake. He's got kids Mary, he's got kids. I can't let him destroy himself." Frank said. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Mary repeated.

"It's eating me up inside!" Frank said, "I don't know how I convince him otherwise without making the entire situation worse- it'll pass. You know Charley, he's smart and he's capable, he'll figure out that it's fine- don't tell me that you have a perfect solution, because there isn't one."

"you need to- You need to-" Mary's mind was racing. She didn't want to do this tonight. She'd just gotten home, "You need to get away from him. You need to bring him to his brother's and stay away from him until he- until he gets in contact with you."

"His brother moved." Frank said, "Chicago."

"Then you need to get the fuck out of here. Get a hotel, Frank." Mary said, "He's-"

"I'm not leaving him alone." Frank said, "I need to convince him that-"

Mary stood up, "Frank-"

He stepped in front of her, "It's wrong. I know it's wrong, but I'm going to fix it. But if he leaves, then I can't fix it-"

"Frank, there is no way-"

"I am a bad person, Mary. But I'm BEING a better person, and I trusted you to understand that." Frank said.

"Frank, you- you are out of control." Mary said, "This is just like Beth all over again. You CAN stop and you can stop doing this. I know you can."

"What? Do you expect me to just walk in there and say it to him? He'll freak out, Mary, he'll leave."

"I'll be there." Mary said, "I won't let him leave."

"You know how awful he gets when he's upset!" Frank said.

"I don't give a shit, Frank." Mary said, "I don't care about anything but this being fixed before you push it another step forward and everyone around you and him has to pay."

Frank crossed the room, head in his hands, "You're right. I don't know why I'm arguing with you."

"Frank, I don't think you really get Exactly what you're doing." Mary said, "You can't convince someone they're crazy and expect it to end well."

"We've all called him crazy." Frank said. "I'd bet if you looked back, you called him that on the first day you met him."

Mary said, "This isn't about calling him crazy."

Mary adjusted her sleeves, pulling them down just to do something with her hands, then she stood up and went to the door.

"You do it tonight." Mary said, "You do it now."

"He's.. tired." Frank said, "We just got back from California. It'll definitely make it-"

"Frank, I just wanted to have one fucking night where you two are fine, where we could talk about how the past few months have been, letting go off all the bad stuff we can't laugh about. I could talk to you two about my wild rehab stories and you could tell me about how hard it is dealing with Charley's eccentricities. We would laugh, then I'd go home." Mary said.

"We can have that."

"If you don't fix this, Frank," Mary said, "you're going to have blood on your hands." 

"You think I don't know that?" Frank said. "I know exactly how it is. I know exactly how it's been for him recently. I practically analyze the man's mind every time I talk to him. I get it. "

"If you knew it, if you knew just how serious this is, you would be out there telling him otherwise."

"He might just be messing with me." Frank said, "I told him it, it wasn't over the span of years. I just said it to his face-"

"We've been doing it to him for years." Mary said, "'73-"

"Then you're admitting that your just as responsible as I am." Frank said.

"What have you been snorting? Whatever it is, it's destroyed your brain." Mary said, "Let's go. Come on, let's talk to him."

Charley was quiet, staring down at the floor when they returned. Frank took a seat across from him, sighing and looking up at Mary. Mary stayed standing, coming up behind Charley and putting her hands on his shoulders. Frank raised his eyebrows and she let go of him, turning away and finding herself sitting next to Frank. 

"Charley," Frank said, "I have to be honest to you."

"Oh?" Charley said. 

"We're not getting married again." Mary laughed.

No one else laughed.

Frank sorta smiled, tapping his hand on his leg, "You're perfectly here."

Charley looked at Mary for a quick second then back to Frank, "What does that mean?"

"What does that mean?" Mary said.

"You're perfectly here-- He knows what I mean."

"I... Don't." Charley said. There was this intense look of dread growing on his face.

"you're perfectly here, Charley." Frank said, "Remember that."

"I don't know what you mean." Charley said.

Mary stood up, "Charley, step outside with me for a moment.. on that balcony."

Mary stepped outside and a few minutes later, Charley limped out, grabbing hold of the railing to steady himself. With every step he winced.

"Are you okay?" Mary said.

"What?" Charley said, "Oh? The limping... It'll pass. I need to see my doctor, been putting it off."

"You want to come over tonight?" Mary said, "I hate being alone."

"It's nearly midnight, Mary." Charley said. "And no you don't, I know you."

"Please." Mary said, "Evelyn and my sister cleaned my apartment out while I was gone-- Last time I ever give Ev my extra key-- you can have the guest room, or the couch, I don't care. I just got back, Charley, I'm not big on sleeping alone in that apartment."

Charley shook his head, "Ask Frank. It's hard to walk, Mary. Making it up the stairs of your building will probably kill me."

Mary sighed, looking out, then back to Charley, "Okay, you're going to make me do this the hard way. He is manipulating you. He is hurting you, he's trying not to, but it's what he's doing. He admitted it to me, you need to leave."

Charley looked at her, adjusting his glasses, "You're... You're misinterpreting him."

"I know what he told me-"

"No." Charley said, "He's regretting what he told me a while ago because if you say it bluntly, it sounds awful, but he's right. I came to that conclusion on my own, Mary."

Mary shook her head, "Have you seen your shrink?"

"I'll see him tommorow." Charley said, "Frank only confirmed what I already knew."

Mary wanted to hug him, or maybe hit him, she couldn't decide.

"Please." Mary said again, "Just one night. For me, if anything, this is just putting me on edge. I won't be able to sleep if I don't know all is well."

He let out a sigh and grabbed her hand, holding it tight.

"You need to let me live my life." Charley said, "I will go with you tonight. For you. I'm getting exactly what I deserve."

“What you deserve? No, its not..”

“None of this ever should’ve happened, and because it did there’s a natural ending to it. This is the natural ending. She warned me this would happen, and I didn’t listen, so this is what I got.”

“Who warned you?”

“Beth. She stopped by. Told this would happen, and I told her she was wrong, and I stayed, and I went to LA with him, and now It’s really happened.”

“Charley…”

“It sounds silly, doesn't it? I’ve lost everything and gained everything, and that would be fine, but I didn’t listen. So, I’m getting what’s been coming to me. It's only fair.”

“Okay.”

The two went back in. Frank was sitting, watching them from the sofa as they passed. Charley put on his shoes as Mary put on her jacket.

“I’m bringing Charley out.” Mary said, “You two make me sad.”

Charley sorta laughed. Frank remained silent.

Charley was out of breath and holding back tears as the two got to Mary’s apartment. He wasn’t wrong about that. He leaned on the wall as Mary unlocked the door, closing his eyes. She’d had men out of breath by her door many a time in her life, but usually not Charley. That was funny to her, sorta. She’s laugh if it weren’t horrifying. 

He’d caught his breath by the time Mary got the door open, still leaning on the wall for a moment. Mary hated how empty her apartment felt. She still had the note from Evelyn on her table, right next to the typewriter.

“You’re welcome, toots.  
\- Evelyn (and, to a lesser extent your sister. She reminded me of her name when we stopped by, but I have already forgotten it.)"

Charley took a seat on the sofa, shaking his head. Mary smiled, taking off her coat and hanging it up.

“The girls are graduating soon, aren’t they?” Mary said.

Charley’s eyes lit up at that, “Very soon. I have to talk to Evelyn about it.” Then his face dulled a bit but he still smiled, “Who knows if they’ll even want me there.”  
Mary nodded, “Sure they will, I’d bet.. I’m getting my job back, by the way. No concern about that. I have to see a show tomorrow, review out by friday. Might do another editorial.”

“Did they not replace you?” Charley said.

“They did.” Mary said, “But, I worked it out.”

“That’s good to hear.” Charley said.

“Just because I’m not drinking doesn't mean I can’t put my foot down and demand to be treated the way I like.” Mary laughed, “Come on, Charley, where’s the banter? Don’t say that you got boring being without me.

“I can’t feel it.” Charley said, “I think I’ve been boring for a while now, Mare.”

Mary laughed, taking a seat next to him. Her home was too grey, too dull. There was no color. She needed to redecorate. Something with color, something that popped. Maybe she’d find a piece of art to put on the wall, something new and colorful. Something that stood out. She’d think about it later.

Her hands were cold and she cupped her them, rubbing the right with the left. A bubbling taste of anxiety was still living in her stomach. I can’t believe Frank. She could taste it, right behind her tongue, and she wanted to spit it out, but it was impossible. It was always impossible. She pressed her hands into her pockets and crossed her legs. She crossed them at the ankle, like a man, like Charley. 

Charley pulled a hand through his hair, then with the other hand pulled out a rubber band from his pocket and tied it up. Only about half his hair could fit in it, the other half, below and on top the ponytail, still laid there. Mary took a hair tie out of her pocket and pulled charley close, pulling out the rubberband and collecting all his hair into a bunch.

“Oh, Mary, stop.” He grumbled.

Mary tied it up then pulled it into the hair tie, then grabbed the rubberband and shot it across the room. She laughed as Charley glared at her.

“What do you have against hair ties, Charley?” Mary said.

“It doesn’t matter.” Charley sighed. “Mary, I should go home. This was a mistake, you don’t need me.”

“I’m just trying to get a reaction out of you.” She said, “You’re making me sad.”

Charley stood up, breathing out and turning for the door. 

“You really want to go down all those stairs again?” Mary said.

Charley didn’t respond, clearing his throat and walking off. And though Mary HAD invited him for his own sake, she still wanted him there for her too. She was lonely, she was bored, she was alone. She slept on the sofa that night.

\--

Frank was half awoken too early the next morning, to Charley curling up beside him, hands wrapping around Frank’s chest. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Charley mumbled.

“Not at Mary’s?” Frank asked, turning over and facing him.

“I couldn’t deal with her.” He said, taking his glasses off and placing them onto the nightstand. 

Frank found Charley’s hand through the darkness and pulled it up, holding it. Charley shifted slightly and sorta pulled away, hand still in Frank’s grip. 

“I’m not manipulating you.” Frank said, “I’m sure that’s what Mary thinks, but I’m not. I’m trying to help you, and I’m not very good at it, but it what’s I’m trying to do.”

“I know.” Charley said, closing his eyes.

“Good.” Frank said, doing the same.

\--

  
Charley wasn’t sure what to say to his psychiatrist. Charley hadn't slept that night, and his mind was out of focus, floating somewhere else. He was beyond his typicsl nervousness and living in a state of intense, pounding anxiety. All the sensations were made worse by the pain, which was still intense. It had gotten worse, he had to use the crutches again. The two sat mostly quiet for the first few minutes, Charley simply answering “I don’t know.” or “I’m not sure.” to any questions he brought up. It wasn’t sarcastic to do so, Charley genuinely didn’t know, and he genuinely wasn’t sure. 

Around five minutes in, Charley thought of something to say.

"I think it's over." Charley said, mumbling.

"Pardon?" He said.

"I think it's over." Charley said, "I think that all the drama is over. I'm going to be like this forever."

"Depressed?" The psychiatrist asked.

"No." Charley said, "Like this. I'll stop being depressed, but I won't stop being.. like this."

"Is being 'like this' a bad thing?"

"It's a very bad thing." Charley said, "But its okay. I accept it. 

"What does being like this entail?" He said.

"I'm not sure yet." Charley said, "It'll only get worse as time goes on, but it's fine for now. It's just how my life is, for now. And I suppose I'll adjust to it as it gets worse, as long as none of it comes on quickly, like with the divorce. I don't know how to explain it. Frank and I went to California the other day, to visit his daughter. And we were arguing, and he admitted to me that he did think I was crazy, now I don't know what to do. Frank was the only one who didn't. And now everything is over, because that was the natural end, right? I don't feel anything, but I felt that-- listen to me. I don't make any sense anymore."

"try not to be self defeating. Tell me, is it just Frank? Because he matters more?"

"No, it's everyone." Charley said, "Everyone thinks it."

"I don't think it." 

"Well, if you didn't think it, I wouldn't be your paitent." Charley said.

"Charley, you are jumping to conclusions about your life again."

"Yes, but this time I'm not going to go off the edge." Charley said, "I know I said that last time, but this time, I'm too tired to walk around Southern California. "

"Charley-"

"--Or to go and try to kill Frank's dad after Frank downs half a bottle of librium--

"I think we should discuss these."

"Or to get drugged up by your friend's ex-wife."

"Charley."

"what?" Charley said.

"You clearly want to talk about these subjects, and I think that you're smart enough to know that you are connecting these events to your current state."

"but I don't, I abstract them into a single sentence to make them less interesting. It's contextualization, it's exposition." Charley said.

"It's very interesting exposition."

"But its exposition, it's not meant to be explored." Charley said. "I lived it, it's demonstrated in my actions and my words, I don't need to retell it beyond that."

"Never expanded on anything mentioned at the beginning?"

Charley shifted, "I can't talk about the walking around Los Angeles, and I can't talk about Frank and the librium, I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to." Charley said, "I barely remember being drugged up."

"What do you remember?"

"I remember losing weight and not sleeping and being in a haze. I remember being dragged out occasionally, to talk to producers and directors and… other people. I remember talking about how much I couldn't stand Frank with her all the time, and we meant it, and I know that sometimes I'd black out and when I came to there were 70 more pages typed up. And- There's so much of it that I can't remember. And it was all betraying Frank. It was going against Frank. It was against Frank. I went there to be against Frank."

"charley, do you think that-"

"And I wrote, once, for so long, that I got blisters on my fingers and of course, kept typing, and my fingers just bled, but I kept writing, and it comes back to me. It does. It comes back. I hate writing now, it's awful. it's all against Frank and.. and back in the day, in the 70s and mid 60s, I was terrified of her. I was disgusted and terrified of her, but Frank just broke it. He broke it. Two options were cut down, bad and bad. When you only have bad options, you take the new one. That's just something reasonable, because new things might not be as bad, when you're down that low."

"Did you know that then? Past experience?"

"It was all the time for me." Charley said, "I don't like change. If my life changes and it's not because I changed it, it bothers me. It freaks me out. It's unreasonable, and it bothers people, but it is what it is."

"It's not unreasonable. Not everyone can instantly take to change."

"it feels unreasonable." Charley said, "that's really what matters- I want to go home. It's late, I need to stop by my ex-wife's house before it gets too late. I'll see you next Friday, I presume?"

"Yes." He said, "Bring Frank if you'd like."

"we'll see." Charley said, nodding.

\---

Evelyn pulled the blanket up to cover her feet. Flannel but pretty thin, she was still cold. She heard the door open and she heard it shut, gently. Charley. And alone.

"Evening, sweetie." She called.

Charley entered in, taking his long grey coat off and tossing it onto the table.

"End of a decade." He mumbled, taking his hat off and letting his hair fall down.

"What do you mean?" Evelyn said.

"Those two are at eachother's throats. I'm certain it's over very soon." Charley said.

"who?" Evelyn said, scooting over to invite him to sit.

"Elizabeth and Franklin." Charley said, "I go down there to work and I end up consoling Frank for 5 straight hours. I'm so tired."

"surprised you didn't stay with him." Evelyn said.

"I would've." Charley said, "But Mary came by and I had to escape."

"You sound like a nice friend." Evelyn said, "Come sit next to me, I need your warmth."

"Are the kids asleep?" Charley said.

"Sound." Evelyn said, "Their room is warmer."

"With all of them in there? I'd hope so." Charley said, taking a seat next to her, "It's awful."

"It is." Evelyn said, wrapping her arms around him, "He doesn't treat her right."

"She took Frankie, Evelyn." Charley said, "She took Frankie."

"it's what he gets." Evelyn said, pulling Charley closer and pressing her head down on his chest.

"Don't be awful." Charley said.

"He's trying to convince everyone that she's the nutty one." Evelyn said, "You're falling for it."

"Frank isn't awful." Charley said.

"He doesn't mean to be." Evelyn said, "I'm hoping we'll be able to get heat back by next week."

"If we can't, I'll go buy some extra blankets." Charley said, "Matters how much I get paid."

Evelyn nodded. The two went silent for a while. She moved her hand up to his top button and unbuttoned it, turning around and facing him. He raised his eyebrows, looking away from her.

"Don't be sad." Evelyn said, "you can't fix it."

Charley shook his head, "I know."

"If you let it make you sad, you're gonna be worse than he is when the divorce happens." Evelyn said, "Pick me up. Let me make you forget about it."

Charley sorta laid back, "You're funny, Evelyn."

"I know I am." She said, "If I weren't such a good fundraiser, I'd be in comedy."

"As we all know." Charley said, tensing up as Evelyn put her hand on his thigh.

Evelyn half pulled away, removing her hand, "Have you been alright lately? No psychiatrist, I know it's hard."

"My doctor is putting me on a TCA." Charley said, "No psychiatrist needed."

"I don't know what that means, Charley." Evelyn said.

"It should help." Charley said.

"I hope it does." Evelyn said, "Not that I'm holding it against you if it doesn't." 

"I know." Charley said, "Thank you."

Charley nudged her off of him and stood up, stretching and unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way, "Did you eat? I'll cook us something."

"No." Evelyn said, "my sister had already fed the kids when I got home."

Charley stood for a moment, frozen, then he buttoned his shirt back up and sat down.

Charley sat back down, "Evelyn, we need to figure something out."

"what?" Evelyn said.

"We're going to be bankrupt by the end of the year at this point, Eva." Charley said, "I need to be able to work longer hours, I need to get a normal job. You need to be able to work more."

"Charley, my sister can't take the kids 24/7."

"we need to figure something out." Charley said, "Bet your ass we'll be evicted by this time next week. We need to be able to get somewhere very cheap, let us save so we figure this out."

"I know." Evelyn said, "But jts not that simple."

"My brother-"

"No, Charley. I was born in new York and I'm staying in new york-"

"His wife is dead." Charley said, "He needs company, help raising his kids, we get a place to stay while we save, you can stay home-"

"I am bad with kids." Evelyn said, "I will never be able to get this job back." She felt tears coming, "They've already given me so many chances, and I won't be able to get chances like this in Chicago."

"You are risking our kids futures for- for pride, Evelyn." Charley said.

"I wouldn't have to live on pride if my husband could keep a job for a month-" the tears were there, "If I wasn't sick all last month."

"Sweetie.. " Charley said.

"We're staying in New York." Evelyn said, "We're gonna figure it out, and you're gonna be my husband, and it's gonna be okay. You don't get to change that."

"I guess I don't."

\-- 

Mary sat with Evelyn in the kitchen of Evelyn's apartment. It was very nice, once again. It had been redecorated. There was art on the walls, and the kids and Evelyn herself were all dressed better and nicer. There was nothing of Charley's impact in the home either. Photos gone, replaced with new ones up on the walls. There was even a new piano, not the one that Charley had picked up years ago. 

It was fashionable, it was hot. Evelyn was looking well, hair styled and tied up, dressed in a dull purple jumpsuit, new glasses. 

The kids were watching them from the hallway as Evelyn poured Mary some mineral water. Evelyn pulled up and looked at the kids, waving them away with her hands. Mary gave them a smile then turned back to Evelyn.

"A big congrats to you, toots." Evelyn said, "And a big congrats to it being before the girls graduate."

"I'll be there." Mary said, "If I'm invited."

"of course." Evelyn said, "We're going to throw a party afterwards. Lots of fun, haven't got it planned but you know, I have a few weeks."

"You must be so proud." Mary said.

"You have no idea." She said, "Four of my favorite people all changing so radically, so quickly."

Mary smiled, "Aww."

"Oh, toots." Evelyn said, "Things are good. Are you good?"

"I am." Mary said, "Sent my first review in, came down here."

"I wish you'd come down last night." Evelyn said, "Would've let you slept here, I can't imagine it's fun suddenly being so alone at night.'

"How do you know I was alone?"

Evelyn laughed, "Oh… awful."

"don't worry, no one- are you still staying single till the kids are all grown?"

Evelyn smirked, taking a sip of her water, "You'll blab, so I'll say yes."

"Is he at least cute?" Mary said.

"more than that." Evelyn said, "There is a ring in my pocket."

"already?" Mary said.

"It's been nearly a year and a half." Evelyn said, "I've known him for a decade- enough about me, who'd you bring home with you?"

"I was joking." Mary said, "I went to Frank's.'

"oh." Evelyn said, sitting down.

"It was friendly." Mary said, "He said hi. I said hi, I went home and slept very well."

"that's good." Evelyn said.

"I'm keeping him far." Mary said, "That's what's best. The one we're not going to mention, I invited him to over ro sit with me, he did, but left early."

"What an asshole." Evelyn said.

"Will you invite him to the graduation?" Mary said.

"They want to, so yes." Evelyn said.

"I don't know if that's gonna happen." Mary said.

"What did he say?" Evelyn said, "He can't do this to them."

"No." Mary said, "It's what Frank said. Charley's been low lately."

"It'll pass by the time." Evelyn said. "One thing Charley isn't is consistent." 

"It's different." Mary said, "Charley's not himself anymore." 

"Be more specific, Mary." Evelyn said.

"why are you talking about Dad?" One of the girls said, once again standing in hallway watching them.

Mary turned and looked at her, "you'll know at graduation."

"I'm 18." She said, "I'm old enough to get this."

Mary looked to Evelyn, then back at the girl and gestured for her to come over.

"Okay." Mary said, "You have all right to hear them. You're an adult, you can handle it like an adult."

She took a seat, crossing het arms over her chest and glaring at her mother.

"Frank pulled me aside." Mary said, "Said that they were out, buisness I think, and Charley and him were fighting and Charley went to leave and Frank stopped him and convinced him that he was losing touch with reality."

"Sometimes I think he might." Evelyn said.

"and Charley.. is convinced. He's dull and cautious and right by Frank. Frank's able to control him completely, even when he doesn't mean to, Charley is completely gone."

"So you think Frank won't let him go?"

"No." Mary said, "I think it's unsustainable. I don't think Charley will alive by that time. Sounds melodramatic, but I swear on my life, it's all I can imagine this ending."

The girl's face drained of all color, and Evelyn shook her head.

"I don't know if that's true." Evelyn said, "That... "

"No." Mary said, "If you could see him, you'd get it." 

The girl stood up, "I'm going to go down there and talk to him."

"Call first." Evelyn said.

"no." She said, turning and leaving. Evelyn stood up and but Mary stopped her from following. Evelyn sat back down.

"He... Can't do this." Evelyn sighed, "He needs to get back into a state of mind that reasonable, for the girls."

"don't hold it against him." Mary said, "Not this time."

"I'll try not to." Evelyn said, shaking her head, "Mary, let's talk about you? How are you?" 

"I'm feeling good." Mary said, "I'm feeling good."

Evelyn stood up once again and went to the hall, Mary stood up and followed. Evelyn just stood there for a minute, then she turned to Mary and hugged her.

"I missed you." She said, pulling away and adjusting Mary's hair for her, "I really did." 

There was a knock on the door and Evelyn sighed, looking down at Mary.

"I bet she forgot where he lives." Evelyn said.

Mary followed her to the door. Evelyn answered it, smirk growing on her face, just to be met with someone else. Charley stood, looking uncomfortable. there was a pause, awkward and uncomfortable. He was using crutches.

"Your ears must've been burning." Evelyn said.

"Don't worry." Charley said, "I won't even come in, I just need to know about the girls' graduation."

Swaying slightly, Charley looked like he was going to keep talking, then he froze up, went silent, and fainted. Evelyn jumped back and Mary stepped back, shocked. He was fine, breathing heavily and alright in the matter of seconds. 

Mary kneeled down and then helped him up, letting him lean on her. The kids had left their rooms and were all crowded in the living room, trying to see what was happening. Evelyn turned to them and mouthed Something that Mary didn't quite get, then gestured for Charley to step out into the hall. 

Mary joined them, standing a bit away from Charley and watching him.

"I'd let you go in and sit down." Evelyn said, "But I don't want that drama. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Charley said. 

Evelyn's face changed.

"Oh shit." She said, stepping backwards.  
she went back in, coming out with her shoes on and keys in hand, and rushed off.

Mary just stood there for a second, trying to process what just happened, then looked at Charley.

"Are you okay?" Mary said.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"You just fainted..?" Mary said.

"Oh, yeah I'm just.. out of it, I think." Charley said. "I should get going." 

"Wait." Mary said, leaning over and knocking on the door.

After a moment, one of the girls answered it and her face lit up when she saw Charley.

"Hi, dad!" She said, coming out into the hallway. she hugged him, but he couldn't hug back.

"Hi, sweetie." He said.

"I don't know where mom went." She said.

"She ran out right as I got here." Charley said.

Mary realized what Evelyn was doing froze for a second, then she grabbed Charley's shoulder, pulled him away from his daughter, and looked at him.

"Charley, we gotta go." She said.

"What?" Charley said.

"I know where Evelyn's going." Mary said.

"What?" Charley said.

"oh.. they're gonna kill eachother. Follow me out." Mary said, rushing down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh Spaghetti-o


	10. Family Drama

The girl stood, hand on the door, turning white from pressure, not letting him close it. Frank was aware that this was one of the triplets, that was obvious, but he didn’t know the name. And if he did. He’d get it wrong. They were identical, it was confusing. Frank wouldn’t dare to say.

“I want. To see. My Dad.” she said. She looked like her mother, tall, strong, wavy dark hair, but her eyes were sharp, angry, focused, she was like her father. 

“He’s not here.” He said.

With a shove of the door, she would be thrown to the ground. He didn’t. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to deal with that shitstorm. She was already at the door, that enough of a mess.

“Then where is he?” She said, angry but still the perfect level of calm. It was threatening, but not enough to trigger a burst of rage. That was all Evelyn.

“He’s not here.” Frank said, “He’s probably at his psychiatrist-”

“I don’t believe that!” She said, finally getting a good push in and coming into the doorway.

“Its the truth!” He said, “You can look for him.”

She slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out a switchblade, opening it and pointing it at frank. He stepped back.

“What’s wrong with you?” Frank said, "In what world is pulling a knife on someone a reasonable response? I could turn around and call the police in 30 seconds flat, ruin your life, girlie."

"You won't tell me where my fucking dad is, that's what's wrong!" She said, "Every single time something happens with him, it all leads up to you!"

"Is that your mom says?" Frank said, "Because its not true. Anything that happens to your dad is because he lets it happen."

"Bullshit." She said, "Stuff like this didn't happen when you were gone."

She lowered the knife and entered the living room, looking around. She closed the knife and slipped it into her pocket, crossing her arms over her chest, then taking down the hallway. Frank followed behind. 

"Dad?" She called. 

She opened the bathroom door, flicked on the light and looked in. Then she turned and continued down the hall.

She opened the door to Charley's room, all the dead plants. She flicked the lights on, frowned, then stepped out to his balcony, opening its door and looking out, then turning back and pushing past Frank to get out. 

The master bedroom. Open door, light on, look out, then back into the hallway.

The main balcony, just popping her head out. 

The dining room.

The kitchen.

Back into the living room. 

She stood there for a while, by the couch, arms folded over her chest, eyes dull. She looked down at the floor, taking out the switchblade again and opening it and closing it.

"Told you." Frank said, "He's seeing his psychiatrist. Don't know why he's out so late."

"I don't understand it." She said, "I don't get what you're doing to him and why everyone's just letting it happen. I'm going to be leaving for college in like.. 4 months. This has to be fixed by then."

Frank sorta laughed and went into the kitchen, "Your mom let you drink?"

"No."

"What do you like?"

"I don't know.. " she said.

Frank poured her a drink and returned to the living room, handing it to her and crossing to the sofa, sitting down.

"Drink it slowly." Frank said, "Its to calm your nerves." 

She can over and sat across from him, "I'm not nervous."

"You're worried about your dad." Frank said, "It's normal. I'm worried about him too."

"I don't believe that." She said, "That's not what Auntie Mary said." 

"Mary misinterpreted what I told her." Frank sighed. Not entirely a lie. "Your dad's not well, he needs help and no one will give it to him. You're young, it's hard to get. But sometimes, when someone is as.. as he is, you gotta be a little cold to fix it."

"I think," she said, taking a sip, "You don't need to be cold. I think you need to be tough, and I think you need to be compassionate."

"Geez, you really think you got life all figured out, don't you?" Frank said.

"It's just always worked for me."

"It's not as simple as that." Frank said, "You're delusional if you think so.. or, well, you're probably just sheltered."

"I'm not sheltered." She said, "I know how my dad is, Uncle Frank."

Frank snorted.

"My dad has been off as far back as I can remember." She said, "But not like this."

"I'm not willing to control him." Frank said. "I wasn't. Now I am, I'm no different from how your mom was."

She shook her head, "I'm not sure about that."

"I know how she treated him." Frank said, "Before you were born. There's a reason we don't like eachother."

"I just want my dad to be at my graduation." She said, "and then to be alive for when I graduate college."

Frank nodded, "I understand that."

She kept sipping at her drink, staring down at the floor. Eventually, she fell asleep, dropping her empty glass onto to the sofa. Frank held back laughter, standing up and grabbing the glass, bringing it to the kitchen. He put it in the sink, then crossed over to the room and found an extra blanket. He returned to the living room and put it over, and then sat back down across from her. She was like her father, a quiet sleeper. 

The calmness, silence, was interuppted a bit later by LOUD banging on the door. Frank stood up and went to the door, opening it slightly. Evelyn pushed the door open and grabbed Frank's shirt, pushing him against the wall.

"Where is she?" She said.

"Good evening, Evelyn" Frank said. "she's on the couch."

Evelyn let go of him and rushed to the living room. Frank followed. Evelyn stopped, seeing her there. She stood there silent for a moment, stepping over to her daughter and touching her shoulder, then she went red and she whipped around and grabbed Frank's shirt again, other hand pulling out a can of mace.

"What the fuck is going on?" She said, "What the fuck are you doing, Frank?"

"Hey, hey." Frank said, "Calm down-"

"Why has she been drinking?" Evelyn said, "I can smell that shit, Franklin. I will kill you."

Frank shoved her away, "She was upset and screaming. I gave her a drink to shut her up. She can't handle liquor, big shock."

"She's-" Evelyn huffed, "Why didn't you just send her home?"

"If she wants to see her Dad, she can wait till he gets home." 

"she didn't have to be drunk for that."

"I don't want to hear her." Frank said, "She's Charley's daughter, she's your daughter, you can deal with her beyond that."

Evelyn came up to him, raised her hand, and slapped him. Hard. Frank stumbled back into the wall, dazed.

Evelyn held the can of mace up, prepared to spray if he got any closer, but didn't spray just yet.

"Why are you so hell-bent on destroying my family?! Ever since the first day I met you, you have spent seemingly all your time, coming in and out of my life trying to fuck it up." She said, "I will kill you, Frank. I am completely serious. Stop testing me."

Frank stayed up against the wall, just watching her stand there. She was so confident, bold. There wasn't an ounce of fear in her voice or body, she was steady.

She didn't lower the pepper spray, keeping it on Frank as the door opened and Charley entered in, followed by Mary.

"What's..." Charley trailed off when he saw his daughter. He froze, backing up.

"Evelyn-" Mary said.

The commotion woke up Charley's daughter and she sat up, saw her dad, and said with slurred speech, "Daddy? You're okay."

Charley leaned his crutches on the wall and went over to her, kneeling down in front of her. She fell back asleep within minutes and Charley stared up at Frank. Anger was growing, Frank could tell that, but Charley didn't say a word. 

"Evelyn, put the paper spray away." Mary said.

"Frank, if you wanna ruin your life and kill yourself, go right ahead. But you need to leave my kids and the father of my kids alone-"

"They're all adults, they can do what they damn please." Frank said.

"It takes no effort not to exploit those who are too young or too unwell to fight you." Evelyn said, "Guess what, Mr. Shepard? I'm not either of those things. And if you want to spend your time fucking around like that, go right ahead, but I will not hesitate to fucking kill you."

"You're as crazy as everyone else around you-"

"Frank, I just don't fall under your spell, do I? I saw right through you the day I met you." Evelyn said, "And ever since then, you have wanted me out, because I was the only one who wouldn't let you get away with all this bullshit. You're a sad person who is so afraid of being alone, that you'll do everything to keep people around. So are a lot of people, but usually that hurts them. Usually that leads to them staying with a friend who treats them like a burden to burden all burdens. You have no right to act like any of this is anything but exploitation."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Frank said, then he looked at Charley, "Back me up."

Charley didn't say anything. The look of anger had faded and he just looked blank. Frank couldn't read him, couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

"Evelyn, come on." Mary said.

Evelyn lowered the can of mace, keeping eye contact with Frank. Frank relaxed and crossed his arms over his chest. 

"Charley." Frank said, trying to remain calm, "Next time come home right after you see your shrink, I'm not dealing with this bullshit anymore! Next time I have to deal with your family coming in and here and yelling at me like I control you, I'm calling the police on them, you get that?"

Charley didn't respond.

"Frank, no need to yell." Mary said, "Come on Evelyn, let's go Charley, think you can wake her up?"

Charley nodded.

Frank stepped forward, going to the sofa to help Charley wake his daughter, only for Evelyn to grab his arm, pull him back and knee him in the groin with all her strengthen. Frank fell to the ground. Before he could even register that pain, he was being sprayed with the pepper spray. 

"EVELYN!" Charley shouted. 

He couldn't breath, wheezing. He felt like he was choking, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop. spitting and coughing didn't stop it, his chest hurt from the coughing, but it was nothing compared to how his eyes felt, to how his face and a little bit of his neck felt. His skin felt like it was getting pressed up against a hot stove and that no matter how he tried, he was unable to pull away from it. . He rubbed at his face with his sleeves, trying to get it off, but it only seemed to make it worse. He couldn't see. He was blind. He couldn't see. He couldn't see. 

He was struck with memories of being a child, being sick with something. He couldn't remember what. He probably didn't even know, not back then. 5 or 6. An awful headache, disoriented, kept him pressed into the cushions of the sofa. What had he done? He couldn't recall. Frank was rarely sick as a child. Measles, it was measles! He had had measles! Yes, and his parents were fighting over it because Frank wouldn't go into his room, because he wanted to be by his mother. He couldn't figure out why he could remember it so clearly right then. "Franklin, don't touch him!" "Get him out of here!" "He's sick, he's sick, that's all. It's not a personal attack on you!" That's all he could remember, and it faded away before he could try to remember more.

The other pain was registering too. His ears were ringing. He wanted to throw up, but he couldn't, it blended in with the coughing and he was hunched over, dry gagging. And his head felt like he'd been stabbed through his brain, out his jaw, with a long, sharp, sword. He couldn't do anything but lay there, trying to rub his eyes and choking and choking.

Nothing dulled, but eventually he was able to focus on hearing again, and could feel someone touching his arm, then loosening his shirt and taking off his jacket, he thought it was charley for a moment. Then they started rubbing something cold on Frank's face, and the steadiness of their hands made that impossible. It was Mary. 

"You didn't have to do that." Charley said, far away.

"Charley's right." Mary said.

"I'm sorry." Evelyn said, "it came over me."

"is he okay?" The daughter said.

"He'll be okay." Mary said, "It may have been all of the can, but most of that was on the floor."

"that's gonna be great to wash out." Charley said. "I'm still tearing up from that."

"Just do what we're doing to him before you scrub it out." Evelyn said, "That should safeguard you, shouldn't it?"

"Gee, Ev, you're a real comedian." Charley said.

"I don't think this IS working, Charley." Mary said. "his eyes are still swollen."

"Then he'll just have to wait for it to go away." Charley said. "You know, Evelyn, he's going to take this out on me. I'm the one who's going to get to deal with this for the next day- and probably, let's be fair, for the rest of my life. Big thanks for that, big thanks for that."

"I'm sorry, Charley." Evelyn said.

"I cannot wait to deal with this." Charley said, "I cannot wait to be screamed at every day for this for the rest of my life about this. I could've handled this, Ev, you didn't have to do any of this-"

"I doubt that you could've handled it." Evelyn said, "And I mean that in the nicest way possible."

"I would've killed him for her if I had to." Charley said, "Don't you dare act like I wouldn't."

Evelyn was quiet for a moment then said, "I know."

"Now the only one who's gonna be killed is you." Mary laughed, "Why don't we get him up? Over to the sofa?"

"No." Charley said, "It'll just overwhelm him. Keep him how he is."

"If you have to replace the carpet, I'll make sure to get you the money." Evelyn said.

"Write the check to me." Frank forced out. He felt like he wasn't making any sound.

"Will be sure to." Evelyn said.

"You're all crazy." Frank coughed out.

Evelyn sighed, "I over-"

"Frank, just shut up, before I kick you this time!" Charley said.

"Charley!" Mary said.

"I am tired of all your bullshit!" Charley said, "All of you." His voice cracked, he was starting to cry "This is ridiculous!" 

"Charley.." Mary said.

"What is wrong with you?" Charley said, "My daughter is drunk, my friend is back from rehab and no one is even commenting on that-- congrats Mary, by the way-- my ex-wife pepper sprayed my roommate and my roommate is on the floor, this is really, really ridiculous. This has to be ridiculous."

"And you're having a nervous breakdown." Evelyn said, "Sorta seems like a typical Friday night for this gang."

"I'm not having a nervous breakdown." Charley said.

Frank didn't even have to be able to see him to know that he was. 

"Charley, calm down." Mary said, "It's absurd, it is. But, in a few days everything will be just how it was."

"Oh no, believe me." Charley said.

Frank could perceive Mary standing up and then heard her walk off. There was a pause with no talking. Charley could be heard, quietly, sobbing. Frank could see light now. Mary returned to him and laid something cool over his eyes.

"Thank you." Frank said.

"Sit up." She said.

Frank did that, head still pounding. She grabbed his hand pressed pills into it.

"Aspirin." She said.

Frank took them and she handed him a glass of something, which he drank. He almost gagged on it, milk. Frank reached up and grabbed the cold thing off his eyes, a wet cloth. could see now, but his vision was very blurry. He couldn't tell if that was the cause of the pepper spray or the headache.

He could make out Mary, kneeling by him. She had thin cleaning gloves on. There was a gallon of milk, half empty, nearby. The cloth on Frank's face was soaked in milk. It made him nauseated. He hated the smell of milk. The air felt like the pepper spray. His eyes still burned, tearing up from the pain, trying to rinse any residual out. everyone else's eyes were red too though. He looked around the room. His could see Charley, sorta, sitting, hid head in his hands. Evelyn was sitting next to him, trying to console him. Their daughter sat near by, trying (a lot sloppier) to console him as well.

"Charley, it's okay, it's alright." Evelyn kept saying, "It's gonna be fine." While his daughter just kept hugging him.

Mary offered Frank a hand and helped him up, leading him to a chair. He slumped down in it, still in intense pain basically anywhere there could be pain. Mary put the cloth back over his eyes and found a seat nearby. Frank closed his eyes and tried to relax, tried to think of anything but the pain. It was hard, the only other option was to try to focus on Charley's incessant sobbing. 

Eventually, Frank was able to block out all the noise, and slip away from all the pain, into his own head for a moment. It was all he could do. He heard music, though it was all off key or discordant, but it was something. It was a distraction. It was away from this. 

Or maybe he fell asleep, it was hard to tell. Either way, when he snapped back to reality, face still burning and still in just as pain, but with a clearer mind, the sobbing was silent. He took the towel off his eyes and sat up. The room was still a little bit too bright, but he could see better now.

The milk was still sitting over by the sofa. The air still smelled faintly of pepper spray. His shirt was mostly unbuttoned. The blanket that he'd tossed on Charley's daughter had been tossed over Mary, who was asleep where she'd been. It was light outside, though it was either very early or cloudy outside, because it wasn't the sun making the room bright. He stretched, trying not to groan at the aches, and looked at his watch. 8:32 AM. It was cloudy. The girl was gone, Evelyn was gone, and Charley was gone.

"Mary." Frank said, as loud as he could, which wasn't very loud. It didn't wake her up. His voice was so hoarse and his throat hurt.

He closed his eyes and slunked back down, "Mary." He said again, once again trying for louder.

Mary sorta woke up and looked over at him, "Frank?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, historically, I'm not sure if Evelyn would've actually had pepper spray on her. But, also I don't care and wanted to pepper spray Frank. Usually I am cruel and mean to Charley, today I am cruel and mean to Frank. Well, debatably. 
> 
> They're all having a great time.


	11. Scrubbing

"you know, when the kids wake up, you're gonna swarmed." Evelyn said, "Enjoy the peace now."

Charley shook his head, sighing, "She's gonna be hungover."

"I'll make her a virgin bloody mary." Evelyn said, laughing. "Minus the... tomato juice and the celery."

"so.. just lemon juice?

"And Worcestershire." Evelyn said. "And hot sauce."

"Of course" Charley said, "Make sure to make one for the others, show them what happens if you listen to uncle Frank."

She stood up, "Do you want a drink? I put all the alcohol away since Mary was over."

"You should have it under lock and key." Charley said.

"I trust them." Evelyn said, reaching up into the cupboard.

She looked through the cupboards for a while, then gave up and sat down.

"You sure you don't want the guest bedroom? We stayed up all night. Rest is a good thing." Evelyn said.

"No." Charley said, "I have to get home soon anyways."

"Charley..." She sighed, "If he treats you like shit, if you're worried about him taking it out on you, you can stay here till you figure it out. I'm not going to do that to you. I don't like you, I don't forgive you, but I don't want you to suffer."

Charley just shook his head, "I wouldn't do that to you.'

"Go to Chicago." Evelyn said, "You can miss the graduation if you have to, just don't do this to yourself. They'd rather have a distant father than a dead one."

"what? Stay with my parents? My dad already thinks I'm crazy, my mom is, I bet they're gonna love if I stop by and say 'Frank is going to kill me', they don't like dealing with me. I don't like dealing with them. They'll probably call Frank and tell him to come fetch me."

"You have a brother down there." Evelyn said, "Don't talk about this like you're doomed." 

"He'll be the same." Charley said, "Doesn't really matter though. I'm staying with Frank, everything is fine."

"Are you sure about that?" Evelyn said, "I'm serious, Charley. I would've killed him." 

"Don't." Charley said, "I have to go.. and probably spend the rest of the day in agony, on my knees, scrubbing that carpet, even though he'll probably replace it."

"Charley, you were sobbing your heart out for 3 hours straight last night, I think you should.. not do that." Evelyn said, "I took off work today. Once the kids are up, I'm going to sleep for the next few months."

"They have you working on Saturdays?" Charley said.

"The kids are old enough that I can." Evelyn said, "I like staying busy. I have my nights now, though. What about you? Getting writing done?"

"I'm functionally retired." Charley said, "I make good enough money. I think I took in 10,000 a month last month."

"Good lord." Evelyn said, "Shoulda waited a couple years to divorce you."

"I think I have a play up here sometime soon." Charley said, "I don't really know, it's hazy." 

"How do you not know?"

"I'm taking one day at a time, ev." Charley said, "If I focus on anything too long, I will sob for 3 hours straight. See last night."

"That sounds unhealthy." Evelyn said.

"I'm not dead yet." Charley said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter. He flicked it open and watched the flame for a moment.

"I think sometimes that you might be." Evelyn said, "Before you leave, eat breakfast with us."

"No." Charley said, standing up, wincing, "I told you, I have to go get yelled at by Frank. Or maybe, I'll yell at him."

"I'd hope you'd do that." Evelyn said, standing up and grabbing her keys off the counter, "I'll drive you."

"Evelyn, it's fine." Charley said.

"No, no." Evelyn said, "You can barely walk, I know you hate cabs."

"Evelyn." Charley said, "I beg you to leave it. I'm sorry for the trouble.. I'll call you soon, talk about the graduation. Don't call me please. If you see Mary, ask the same."

And with that, he left. 

\--

Charley stood at his door. Unwilling to unlock it. He'd have to do it eventually. He'd have to. But for now, he could just stand.

"Did you forget your key?" Ruth, the next door neighbor said.

Charley turned and looked at her, "No, I'm.. just thinking."

"You two are just the most interesting pair." She said, "Last night, that commotion? My god, I wanted to see what it was so much. But, I didn't. I hope you two are alright."

"We are." Charley said, putting his key in, "And I think you should stop listening to us." 

He turned the key and opened the door, stepping in and closing it behind him before she could even look in. He stood there for a while, leaning against the door, before stepping forward and looking into the living room. The room beginning to irritate his eyes a bit.

He cleared his throat and called out, "Frank?"

Mary sat up, "Huh- oh, he's sleeping. Other room- bedroom. What's it called? Whatever."

Charley nodded and went over to her, "Is everything all right?"

"He's not feeling well." Mary said.

"Big shock." Charley said, "Did I wake you?"

"Yeah.." Mary said, "Didn't realize that I fell asleep again."

"my rooms down the hall." Charley said, "There's a lot of dead plants, but the bed is comfortable."

Mary smiled, "Thank you, but I'm going to stay awake."

"You're not gonna want to be in here." Charley said, "I gotta clean the carpet, it's gonna make the air in here so much worse."

"Take a nap first." She said, patting the seat next to her.

"No." Charley said, "How long has he been asleep?"

"I don't know." Mary said, "He went there.. 8:45.. "

Charley nodded and went to the kitchen, finding aspirin and filling a cup of water. Then he limped to the door to Frank's room, prepared himself to be shouted down, and went in.

Frank was asleep. No blankets, half undressed like he had tried to get out of his day clothes but given up, on his back, stretched out. His face was still red and inflamed, he was snoring.

"Frank." Charley said, then louder, "Frank!"

Frank opened his eyes and looked up, propping himself up with his elbows, "hm?" 

Charley went over to him and handed him the pills and water.

"I feel like shit." He said, downing the pills then the entire glass of water.

"Yeah, that's expected." Charley said, "Burning has dulled down a bit?"

"Yes." Frank said, "A lot, its not as bad, not even close, but my throat hurts from coughing."

"Mhmm." Charley said.

"Sit with me." Frank said, "Please."

"No." Charley said, turning and leaving. 

Charley went back to the kitchen and got under the sink, finding the bucket. He filled it up with water and dishsoap and put it on the counter. He found a towel and dropped it in.

"Mary, come here!" He called.

Mary entered in.

"My ankle will not let me lift this." Charley said, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Charley. Don't gotta justify yourself." She said, picking it up.

She put it down where Charley needed it. He thanked her, and she went back to her spot on the sofa, watching.

Charley sat on the ground, taking his glasses off and tossing them to the side. He took the towel out of the bucket and wrung it out on the oil stain, then went to scrubbing. Near instantly, the scrubbing made it irritate the eyes even more, and Charley cleared his throat, continuing to scrub.

"You're really doing that now?" Mary said, "There's other stuff you can do. You could talk to Frank. You could.. talk to me about how you were sobbing for.. 2 hours last night? You could tell me what you and Evelyn discussed... "

"I have to clear my head. " Charley said.

"By scrubbing pepper spray out of your carpet?" Mary said. 

"Cleaning is calming." Charley said, dunking the towel in bucket then pulling it over. His eyes were watering.

Mary shook her head, "You're wild, Charley- can I at least help you?" 

"get a towel." Charley said, "Closet by the bathroom."

Mary stood up and returned to her with a towel, putting it in the bucket as she sat down next to him.

"You're crying." She said.

"You'll be too when you start scrubbing." Charley said, "Shit's awful."

Mary took the towel out of the bucket and started scrubbing. Sure enough, her eyes started watering.

"Oh, that's awful." Mary said.

"Told you." Charley said.

"Is this what Frank felt?" Mary said.

"But worse." Charley said.

"Obviously." Mary said, "How'd you know what to do last night? Have you been pepper sprayed?"

Charley just grinned, holding a finger to his lip. Mary burst out laughing.

"I don't think I seem much like someone who'd get pepper sprayed either." Frank said.

Charley looked up. Frank was standing by the door to the room. Charley looked back down.

"You should keep resting, Frank." Charley said.

"I have people I have to call." Frank said, "Cancel meetings... Say I'm sick."

"Be sure to blame me." Charley mumbled.

Frank didn't say anything and went to the phone. Charley scrubbed and scrubbed, Mary to a lesser extent. Frank was quiet on the phone, but Charley didn't pay attention to what he said much anyways. He hung up and just watched them for a while.

"I'm still going to get new carpet." Frank said, "The chance to buy this place comes up next month, I already put in an offer."

Charley didn't say anything. 

Mary placed her towel down and sat up, looking at Frank, "Same color?"

"I was thinking white." Frank said. "I'll redecorate this place entirely."

"Huh." Mary said, going back to scrubbing.

"Charley, what color carpet should we go for?" Frank said.

"I don't care." Charley said. "Black...?"

"black?" Frank said.

"We get white furniture, nice contrast." Charley said, "Don't listen to me, I'm unfashionable."

"That's true." Mary said, "I think I'm going to have to throw these clothes away after this. These are gonna smell like this shit for the rest of time."

"Yeah, I shoulda warned you." Charley said, "You could try washing them, but I wouldn't risk it."

Mary nodded, "Unfortunate."

Charley sat up, wiping his hands on his shirt. Mary sat up as well, putting the towel back into the bucket. She took the other towel from Charley and put it into it too, then stood up and brought it into the kitchen.

\--   
From the kitchen, Mary could hear them fight:

"I'm going to press charges." Frank said.

"Against who?" Charley said.

"Evelyn." Frank said.

Charley laughed, "Good luck with that."

"You think I couldn't do it? I have 3 witnesses if she denies."

"None of which are doctors." Charley said, "And no police report."

"I have a name." Frank said.

"And once the press learns you got a teenage girl drunk, alone, in your apartment, I'm sure that name will matter a lot." Charley said.

"if we settle it before court, the press won't ever get the chance to know." Frank said, "Non-disclosure."

"Who says it's Evelyn who's gonna tell?" Charley said.

"If you won't control her, I can ruin your little girl's life, Charley-"

"No." Charley said, "She's not the one with a name. You want to pull that bullshit, fine, but I'm on Evelyn's side and right now? My name is as big as yours."

Frank laughed. 

"Don't test me, Franklin." Charley said.

"Charley, you will never be as big as I am." Frank said.

"Charles." Charley said, "You don't get to call me by a nickname- and you know what, Frank? Maybe I'm not as big as you. But which one of us will last long after we die? Guess one of us will have weeks worth of news coverage surrounding his passing? Who gets his work on stages for the rest of all time? And guess who's gonna die first?"

"Charley, I have a headache, don't do this." Frank said, laying his head back.

They went silent for a moment. Mary came out of the kitchen, found her seat on the sofa. Charley was still sitting on the ground.

"I missed when you two would fight over whether or not a song should be major or minor." She said.

"I'm going to scream." Charley said.

"You're the only person I know who sees his best friend getting kicked to the ground and pepper sprayed and thinks that he's the victim." Frank said.

"And you're the only person I know who wouldn't understand why you get pepper sprayed--"

"What? Did Evelyn think I was going after your daughter?" Frank said, "That's the only option I can think of where it would be reasonable."

"You say it like it's ridiculous." Charley said.

"It is." Frank said.

Charley didn't say anything more, just sitting there. Frank stood up, groaning.

"I'm going back to bed." He said.

"Feel better, Frank." Mary said. "You wanna come sit in my apartment while I work on my next review?"

Charley shook his head.

"Fine with me leaving?" Mary said.

Charley nodded, "Have a good day, Mare."

"Get some sleep." Mary said, standing up and going to the door, "Call me, Charley. If you need me. Or just come by."

\--

Charley just sat there for a while, staring down at the carpet. Normally he'd go find a fan, put it down and help dry the carpet, but he didn't feel like. He stood up, adjusted the pain of weight on that stupid ankle, unbuttoned the top few buttons on his shirt and went into the bedroom. Frank was awake, sitting at the desk. Charley took a seat at the edge of a bed, taking off his shoes. 

"I'm not mad at you." Frank said. "it's not your fault, you're his who has to take responsibility."

Charley didn't respond.

"I'm not going to take it out on you." He said, "And if you think I do that, you're wrong."

Charley didn't respond.

Frank stood up, coming over to Charley, and taking a seat next to him. He grabbed him and pulled him over, leaning over him.  
They stayed in that position for a second, Frank just watching him.

"If you want a kiss, take a shower." Charley said, "You smell like milk."

"I want an apology." Frank said, "You can give that to me in whatever you like."

"Just let go of me." Charley said.

Frank did so, "Are you going to sleep?"

"Not in here." Charley said, "My clothes are in here though." 

Frank grabbed him again and pushed him down, "I don't hate you. I know you don't hate me. Stop acting like that's what we are."

Charley closed his eyes, "If I trusted myself, I'd say I'm going to a hotel."

Frank laid down next to him, "Want me to fix it between me and Evelyn? Is that what you want?"

Charley nodded.

"She never liked me, Charley." Frank said.

"I don't want my kids to hate you." Charley said.

"I'll fix that." Frank said, "I promise you. Okay?"

Charley nodded.

"Now it's been an awful 11 hours. I smell like milk, I'm still rocking a wonderful headache, and my entire body is faintly throbbing. I would like you to put your arms around me and hold me like we are teenagers in the backseat of Barbie Alison's car in 1956, while she's out trying to hitch her first guy of the night, and we are pretending that we don't feel something toward eachother."

Charley laughed and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him and digging his hands into his back, "That was bad enough once."

"Remember when she got into the driver's seat with-- what's was his name? I don't remember? And we were still in the backseat?" Frank said.

"Oh, me and you, we were all over eachother. And she and-- Dick Abelton, he had those big eyes-- didn't even notice. They didn't even get very far."

"She noticed the time on his watch and got out of the car to find us." Frank said. 

"I never got why she always brought me along. You were her friend." Charley said.

"She pitied you." Frank said, "And I told her that there had to be some girl easy enough for you at those parties."

"I don't think she noticed that I never left her car." Charley said.

"That's not true, you left once or twice."

"and sat outside her car-" Charley stopped himself, "No. Right before we left to new York, last party we went to- I went with one of the older guys there-- Ollie Appleton. Remember? Everyone called him apple?"

"Because he had a head like an apple." Frank said.

"Yeah." Charley said, "And we sat out in the outskirts of the party, under a tree, and smoked pot-"

"Of course." Frank said.

"and talked about art, the entire time he was just staring at me, it was so weird. And then, when I told him where I was going for University, he went on a big rant about how conformist that was. Then he grabbed me, pulled me forward, and took off my glasses, and we made out. He was an awful kisser. I choked on his tongue."

"He was strange." Frank said, "You didn't come home till late that night.. Why'd you never tell me any of this?"

"I don't know. Certain memories only come back when prompted."

"Apple lived in that dump that me and you used to drink in? God, Apple used to give us the worst alcohol. It was like rum if you mixed nail polish remover into it. That was the place with the hole in the floor, wasn't it?"

"Mmmhmm.. " Charley said, "They used to cover it up with boards. You sliced your foot up on it."

"Keep telling the story." Frank said. 

"I don't want to." Charley said, "I don't know if I remember the ending. I think it was upsetting anyways. A lot of things are very upsetting. This is very upsetting."

"This?"

"This week." Charley said, "I'm very upset."

"I am too." Frank said, "I want to take a shower and then I'm gonna make lunch, do you want anything?"

"I'm going to sleep." Charley said. 

"I'm gonna call my lawyer. Not to talk about suing Evelyn, just about some contract nonsense." Frank said.

Charley nodded, rolling over onto his side as Frank pulled away and got up.

"I feel really like shit." Frank said, "Pain isn't something I can handle."

Charley nodded, feeling himself doze off. 


	12. Rat

"I feel like I'm slipping in and out of existence, like I'm a leaf getting blown around in the wind and my life is a window. the wind keeps blowing back and forth and back and forth, and that one leaf, you keep see it appear and then disappear, and it's stuck in this loop for what looks like forever… Even though you know it's not. 

I started the medication 5 weeks ago now. And it's unfortunate because I know that eventually it'll start working but I don't want it to. I'm miserable but I'm fine and that's alright. My doctor gave me stuff for my foot and it's great. I can go out walking again. Not far, or for very long, just walk around the block, or to find a cafe to sit in, it helps me avoid Frank and that's all that matters right now.

He wakes up before me, 4:30 in the morning, he's out by 6. I leave at 11 and I don't get back till 8 or 9. Yesterday, I came home and I got back the exact same time as him. It was very disturbing and very disturbing we had to greet each other all awkwardly.. and then I took off my jacket he took off his hat and I went to bed. 

I'm very lucky the doctor gave me Valium. Valium helps me sleep. it's SUPPOSED to keep me from being nervous, but it doesn't do that very well, it just knocks me out. Which, I mean, I guess sort of does it very well then… you can't be anxious you're sound asleep. Well I guess- that is false, because when you're anxious, you have dreams… like fever dreams, but more demented and less weird and that's what I've been having them every single night.

Oh, the girls graduate next week. That's going to be fine- the graduation itself is going to be wonderful- you know what the worst part is? the week after the graduation, we're going to have a graduation party at their home... or we WERE but the girls revealed a couple of weeks ago, that they got an invitation to do a big party with a hosted by some anonymous alumni of their school. And, they told me first, and I couldn't say no to them… I don't know what Evelyn thinks of that though. It's going to cause problems. I'm going to cause problems.

Mary's been over a few times and I try to be nice to her.. but I feel, emotionally, like I have a headache that won't go away. I think I might because one of my medications... I don't know. I've gained a little bit of weight, actually, which is very good, but I'm not really hungry so I guess I'm just lucky. I'm basically at at a healthy weight. Everyone says I look healthy. Everyone thinks that I look healthy and that's okay, it's what I want. I don't feel healthy but I don't want people to look at me and go 'oh.. that man is sick..' because I'm not, I was just on amphetamines.

And I got another invitation to a funeral. You know how last time we were talking about a funeral? I was asked to come to another one. A friend of mine from the sixties, we haven't talked in years but... You know how it is. They wanted me to come because I'm such a big writer. I can't, I can't, I did not know him well enough. So I wrote back my condolences and sent some money to his family, and I think I sat there for the next few hours just to think. Frank came by late, surprised that I was still up, and he shoved a bunch of papers into his bag and tossed it aside, like he's hiding something from me, and asked me what was wrong and I simply... -and you know? I can't drink anymore. I'm on so many medications. Half a drink then I'm throwing up or I'm so drunk that everyone's worried. Well, that's just fine, I don't really like drinking that much anyways, but it is kind of makes me feel lonely. Mary doesn't drink anymore either, so I sit with her a lot, but Frank usually has a drink when he comes home. So, I'm just sitting with him and it's very awkward.

I don't really like being drunk, in the first place. it's easier for people hurt you and I don't mean that in just the physical sense. I mean they will say everything to you if given the chance even if they know you'll only remember bits and pieces of it and long as they keep you phyisclay safe, you'll still see them as good. I just don't like being drunk it makes me feel unsafe. I don't like feeling unsafe. I really hate feeling unsafe and I feel unsafe so much lately. And it's Frank fault and I know I shouldn't say that I really shouldn't. But it's true, it's Frank's fault 100%. I can't say anything else.   
I feel burnt out and tired and sick all the time and I really want to stay in bed all the time, but I can't because I have to avoid Frank. I know I've talked about this subject quite a few times now, but you have to understand that I do not want to discuss why I do that. I don't like feeling not safe. I don't like feeling like my decisions the ones that I make are going to be judged by everyone around me the rest of my life. So if I avoid him I can't be judged for being around him even though I shouldn't be.  
Evelyn has brought him up and she hasn't stopped by the apartment at all which is very good, if she'd stop by the apartment at all I'm certain Frank would have killed her. Those two are not good right now.   
My daughters are very good right now they're very happy even though they're fighting with their mother about this aforementioned graduation party, I try to be good to them. better than I was treated by my parents. My parents weren't bad, by any means, but you always got to be better than your own parents. That's the entire point of having kids.  
My son won't talk to me anymore still... And I just I don't know how to deal with it.. I miss my mother. I called my father, I was worried, and I asked to speak to my mother. My father sighed and there was a pause and he said 'I don't know what your voice will do to her, Charley.' He called me CHARLEY. Something bad is going on. I know she's going to be dead soon, I can tell, I can tell. No one listens to me but, I can tell. I don't want to be worried about that, because when she dies it mean I'm soon to follow. I don't know how to deal with that and I know she'll probably die when I'll be too busy to come down and see her before it happens or I'll miss the funeral because I'll spiral and spiral and spiral. How do you deal with that? how do you deal with the knowledge that you will hurt other people because you cannot help yourself? It's awful Isn't it? I feel like I'm an awful person, but I know deep down I'm probably not. I mean, I might be but not on every subject. I know there's something something or other things that make me a good person or a bad person that I can't control. I have both of those things too. I don't want to be grey. I don't know. I I really don't know and it's a problem. I think I'm going to go home and cry tonight which will be fine. Frank acts like it's an evil thing to be constantly emotionally upset.   
My doctor said I'll be a little bit unstable for a month, then it'll balance out. I've always been emotionally unstable. I can't stand Frank mocking it though. I am trying to keep it in check, I really really really really am.

I've been having nights of sobbing every other day. they're awful and I'm very tired of criyng my eyes out for no reason-- at the slightest thing every other day. On my way home, yesterday, I broke down like that and people were looking at me. As if you don't see stuff like this all the time in cities. I wasn't in anyone's way, I wasn't bothering anyone. What right do you have to stare at me? Stop staring at me.  
I'm... not being fair.. they're probably concerned or confused. Though, they probably thought I was homeless or something. Everyone associates crazy with homeless people... You know, if I hadn't been so lucky.. if Frank- Frank hadn't made sure that after I dropped out, I didn't just die. I felt like I was going to die. I had Evelyn and Mary back then, but it was still Frank. Frank was really the one who cared- I saw a rat today- and- and I see rats often, but I feel like I looked intl this rat. I saw into its mind. It made me sick! I tried to tell the story later to Evelyn, since we met over her lunch to talk about the girls, And she asked 'are you okay' and I said yes.

That's another reason I'm avoiding him. I went home that day and took Valium then slept. I don't know what any of it means. I don't know why I feel this way. I'm early on medication- I know you probably know thi,s but let me talk-- you really only get the side effects and it's miserable and sickening, and I'm kind of in that stage now. I know, I need to get over it, but I know I'm very aware that when it's actually working, I might feel better but also I get more side effects- different ones- and they'll make me feel sicker, if I feel sicker what's the point of even having a good mind? it's all the same if you're ill, you can't walk or run or you don't have the energy to do anything. It's the same with my foot.   
I know there are so many serious things that we could be talking about but I don't want to. I think it's going to be okay- I'm not ready for my mother to die I just know it's coming I don't know when or how I react when I get the news.I'll have to go to Chicago with Frank or Mary, because if I go to Chicago alone, I'm going to end up.. not well.. and that's not a threat, it's a fact.   
I was crying about it a few days ago. Not sobbing, just upset over it. It's ridiculous. I couldn't get my mind off of it. It was all surrounding. And I'd try to keep myself calm, and it would make it worse. So, naturally, eventually, it became too much to handle. Mary and some friend of Frank's were over too, I was so embarrassed. This morning, Frank revealed to me that the friend was there just to watch me. I'm so secretive, apparently, that his business friends jump at the opportunity to meet me. This guy said I was very interesting… interesting. I'm already like this, there's nothing that you do- I'm not stupid; I know I'm losing my mind that doesn't mean you have to act like I'm completely lost already.   
Whatever, I don't want to talk about this. I don't. It just keeps... Coming back. I don't know. I'm thinking about that rat. I'm going to go home and think about that rat, then take some valium, and sleep.. and probably dream about that rat... goodnight, doctor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He be... Incoherent


	13. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charley's daughters graduate. Frank has lunch.

Gussie sat down on the bed, heels still on. She reached up to her hair and pulled out a pin. Like magic, her elaborate bright orange curls, all fell apart, resting down on her shoulders. 

Frank stood across from her, fussing with his watch. The strap was hard to get off and he hated sleeping with it on. It would leave long red marks that sorta ached for a bit, like the ones you got from socks if you were on your feet too often. 

"Does he hate me?" Gussie asked, out of the blue, taking out her earrings.

"He's just not social." Frank said, "You know that."

Frank hadn't slept in the same bed as her in a while. He'd usually end up passed out in the study, at his desk. He had been busy. He was usually busy. She wouldn't bother waking him, but she'd leave a blanket over him if she stopped in. He had almost forgotten her routine.   
She kicked off her heels and then stood up, going to the vanity and taking down a little tub of cream. She opened the drawer and pulled out a little cloth. With one hand, she rubbed the cream all over her face, then with the other she wiped the cloth over her face. Within a few moments, she tossed the cloth into the trash bin and stepped away. Her makeup was gone.

Frank cleared his throat, and turned to his closet. The smaller one. He wanted the bigger one, but she had a few more dresses than he had suits. It was unfortunate. He looked through his clothes till he found something he could sleep in.   
By the time he'd pulled his shirt off, Gussie had already changed into her nightgown.   
It was a long, light blue thing. Not like Gussie. It wasn't made to impress, but Frank still was. Everything she did, and everything she wore, impressed him. It didn't cling to her, like Frank sorta wished it did, but it was slightly tight in the right place. She averted her eyes from him as he dressed, sitting on the bed again. She crossed her legs, leaning forward.

"Why is he like that?" Gussie said, "I like him. I think he's interesting. But he doesn't like me enough to ever answer that."

"Gus, I don't think he knows." Frank said, taking a seat as he pulled on sweatpants, "I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to talk, I want to-

"I WANT to figure him out." gussie said, "Somedays it's like talking to a wall, somedays he looks like he's going to kill you. I don't get it. I don't like it. It's queer."

"Undeniably…" Frank said, "You hosted a good party tonight."

"You were the real host." She said, "I'm angry at him, Frank. I want to understand him so I can-"

"He's just not social." Frank said, "It's my fault for forcing him to come, I'm sorry."

"He can be social." Gussie said, "He just doesn't like me."

"He doesn't like anyone!" Frank said, " He's not social. He hates talking- you know, his dad once told me he didn't talk until he was like 5. He is NOT built for being social, and I keep dragging him to YOUR parties and it makes you upset. I'm sorry."

"If I can get him, I can deal with him, Frank!" Gussie said.

"Just drop it!" Frank said, "Jesus Christ. I know, you hate my friends. I get it. I hate him too sometimes. Just drop it. And let's get some sleep." 

Frank leaned back, flicked off the lamp and laid down, putting hands over his eyes. 

Gussie reached over and stroked his arm, "Don't invite him to the parties anymore. I'm tired of people asking me why my husband is fighting with someone in the hallway."

"Okay, I can do that."

\--  
The graduation went well. Tears were shed, people were proud. So many photos were taken. Charley was pleased. The girls were bouncing off the walls, giggling and laughing. 

The girls, Evelyn, Evelyn's mother, Evelyn's sister, Mary, Lorry, Lorry's wife, and Charley sat in Evelyn's living room afterwards. His son had been there too, but had slipped away to hide in his room. 

The people were talking, laughing. Lorry had lit up a cigarette and his wife was mindlessly running her hand along the arm of the chair. The girls loved their uncle. Evelyn and her family could stand him. Peace was being kept. 

A slight headache had crept behind Charley's eyes, but he was waiting for an aspirin he'd taken to kick in. 

Mary had given the girls gifts, matching necklaces. They were all going to different colleges, they needed something to remind eachother by. It was sweet. Charley thought it was cute.

"Well." Evelyn said, standing up, "We have to get there to get a table."

Mary frowned and stood up too, "That means I have to go, good seeing you all. Congrats, girls."

"Thank you, auntie Mary." 

Charley joined the women in standing, "I think I ought to leave as well."

"Ohh." Evelyn said, sitting down, "Charley no."

"Daddy." The girls whined.

"No begging." Charley said. "I'll have a chance to bring you three to dinners as much as you'd like between now and college. I can't stand the noise."

Mary sorta laughed, and the two went out as a pair. 

"Ohh, Charley." She said as the two walked down the hall, "I can't believe it. I remember when they were just little." 

"Don't make me get sentimental." Charley said.

"You're being all stoic." She laughed, "It's funny."

"I'm a comedian." Charley said, "You want to come back to Frank's place?"

Mary shook her head, "I have to see a show tonight. Have a goodnight, Charley?"

Frank's place. Frank's place. Charley wasn't sure why he said that. It was his place too, sorta. Frank owned it. He'd changed the carpet, he'd redecorated. Black carpet with sleek white furniture. It felt cold. One of the sofas was now a trio of weird chairs that Charley had yet to figure out how to sit on. The sofa was hard now. He didn't even know if that still allowed it to be a sofa. He hated it. The room's furniture hadn't been touched yet, but Frank planned it. It felt odd. Weird. Disconnected. 

When Charley went home, he put his coat in the closet. They'd gotten rid of the coat hanger and instead put them all in a closet by the doorway. Charley hated that. It was too much effort. He was tired.

Frank was sitting on the fake sofa, reading glasses on, looking through the paper. He looked up to greet Charley, but neither said anything to eachother.  
Charley went to the kitchen, which was way too shiny, and nibbled on a piece of bread. There was a pot on the stove, water was boiling. 

Frank came in, "How was the graduation?"

"It went well." Charley said. 

"Why are you eating?" Frank said.

"I've been out all day and I'm hungry?" Charley said.

"I'm cooking dinner." Frank said.

Charley glanced over to the pot, "Mmm, I love boiling water."

Frank rolled his eyes and took a carrot out of the fridge, putting it on the cutting board, "It's going to be soup."

"Carrot and water soup." Charley said. "My favorite."

"I'm going to put beef cubes in there." Frank said, "Look in the fridge."

"Are you.. trying to make stock?" Charley said.

"What do you mean?"

"Frank, how do you think soup gets its broth?" Charley said.

"Am I supposed to do something else?" Frank said, "I thought you just put the stuff in there and it.. made the water good."

Charley sighed and opened the cupboard, "I think we have some stock cubes."

"I'm sorry." Frank said, chopping the carrot, "I'm not a chef, Charley, you know that."

"You've lived without a woman in your life for 2 years and you still can't make the most simple food." Charley said, finding the cubes and tossing a pair into the pot.

"Well, I'm sorry i tried to do something nice." Frank said, "I don't cook usually. I either eat out or you cook."

"that's exactly the problem." Charley said, "Take a pan out and cook the beef. Don't boil it." 

Frank put the carrots in the pot then did just what Charley said. Charley sat on the opposite counter, watching. Charley went back to eating his bread. 

Eventually, Frank leaned up against the counter by Charley, and listened to the water boiling. 

"How long will it take?" Frank said.

Charley didn't respond and Frank didn't continue talking.

The soup wasn't good. It was bland, nearly unseasoned. Charley had lost his appetite, but was dipping a piece of stale bread into it mindlessly. Maybe he'd eat it, probably not. The dining room was too hot. The A/C in there had broken. 

Charley loosened his shirt collar and stood up, "Want me to take your bowl?"

Frank stood up and shook his head, taking Charley's bowl, "I got it."

Charley exited and went back to the living room. He took the paper off the table and found his seat on one of the weird chairs. The news was dreadful. It made him tired.

Charley had hated Nixon for so very long, but it had been outgrown by his boiling hatred for Reagan. Charley dreamt of him getting assassinated. It was his goal in life now, live long enough to see Reagan die.

Frank entered and sat down on the sofa. 

"Frank." Charley said, not looking up.

"Hmm?"

"If you love me you'd kill Ronald Reagan for me." Charley said.

Frank let out a singular laugh, "I'll think about it. Will start writing once he's out of office?"

"Dead." Charley said.

"You'd think you could turn this burning hatred into passion." Frank said, "Write a great big play about he's just sooo awful."

"No." Charley said, folding the paper and tossing it onto the table.

It suddenly clicked in him what the chairs reminded him of. The chair was like a chair you sat in at the dentist. The buzzing of the tools was reminiscent of the buzzing of Charley's head. 

"Evelyn filled up an entire roll of film with photos." Charley said, "Expect a few on the walls-- or will that mess the decor up?"

"You can put them in the kitchen, or set them on this table." Frank said, "Nothing on the walls though." Then Frank paused and looked up at him, "I was thinking of getting a… rental.. apartment I mean, a small place, out in the country. A two bedroom terrace apartment or something. Something we can work in for weeks at a time. You can put them on the walls there."

"And where would this be?" Charley said.

"Greenwich maybe." Frank said, "Not that far from here. Plus, it would be a nice place to escape for when we get on eachother's nerves. One of us goes there, the other here, ect."

"Would be a great place for you to bring your 23 year old girlfriends too, I'd presume?" Charley said.

Frank frowned, "Don't be nasty. We're both making good money. Better than staying at a hotel after every little fight."

Charley shrugged, "I don't know."

"you could decorate it if you like." Frank said, "All it would have to have is a piano and a typewriter, couple of beds. One for us, another for guests."

"And to keep us appearances." Charley said.

"That too." Frank said.

"How much does that still matter to you?" Charley asked. 

Frank went quiet and sat back, "I just want to have a quiet life on that matter. I don't need anymore loud noise."

Charley nodded, "Don't limit yourself, that's what I'm asking."

"What do you mean?" Frank said.

"I'm not in love with you." Charley said, "Get a girlfriend, I don't want to stop you." 

Frank paused, then said, "How.. do I know I don't have one already?"

"I don't want to know if you do." Charley said, "I just don't want you to feel stuck by me."

"And I don't want you to feel stuck by me!" Frank said, raising his voice just slightly, "If you have a… boyfriend or whatever, so be it."

Charley couldn't hold back a laugh, "I definitely don't."

But Frank was staring at him odd, and lifted a hand up, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Upset?" Charley said, then he touched his face. He was crying, "Oh…"

Frank frowned, "Geez, you're off today."

Charley didn't say anything.

"I miss the days where when you'd cry for no reason it would be intense and consolable." He said.

Charley felt the emotions that he was supposed to feel hit him and he held his face, "Its the medication." 

"Isn't it the same as last time?" Frank said.

"Few dose changes plus the valium." Charley said. "Speaking of, probably a sign I should go to sleep."

"it's not late." Frank said.

"It'll stop the crying, but it'll knock me out." Charley said.

"Then just cry." Frank said, "I don't care."

"You're acting like it bothers you."

"It does!" Frank said, "I don't like seeing it. But that never stops you."

"Please just shut up." Charley said.

"This is ridiculous, Charley." Frank said, "I get when you're upset, i get it. I know. But when it's so often, it's hard to not be annoyed by it."

"I KNOW!" Charley said, "I know. I know. I know. I know."

Charley felt his lungs seem to stop, and he could barely breath. Gasping. Gasping. Gasping. He was dying. He definitely was dying.

"But when it's so often." Frank said, adjusting Charley's tie. It was dark outside. Everything was dull, old, blue. Cold. Dark blue and unsure. "its hard to take you seriously."

Charley pulled away from him and buttoned up his blazer. It was cold out, winter. He was close to shivering.

"I can't control it." Charley said, "I try. But when I'm around people like that it's like everything is on edge. I'm teetering off a cliff and I'll eventually snap back."

"Just keep teetering till the show opens!" Frank said, "I can't DEAL with this!"

"You always were- you knew this wouldn't just go away because we're getting more popular!"

"Getting over it is just part of growing up!" Frank said, "I expected it would happen naturally!"

"But it hasn't. It hasn't and it won't-"

"You're not even trying!" Frank said, "I swear. Just stop it." He turned and put his hands on Charley's shoulders, "You're in control. Remember that."

Charley was certain he was dying. Charley was certain he was dying. Charley was certain he was dying.  
Charley was just fine.  
Frank stared at him, eyebrows knitted, mouth slightly agape.

He said, almost whispering, "Are you okay?" 

Charley nodded, staring just above his head at the wall, "I can't believe my girls are graduating..."

Frank stood up and cleared his throat, "I'm going out. If I don't see you tonight, goodnight."

Charley just sat there. 

\-- 

"He didn't even come to dinner with us. " One of the girls said.

"He wasn't feeling well." Frank said, "I think."

The others were stuffing their faces with the breakfast Frank had bought them. It was 5:30 am on Sunday. No one knew either party was here.

"He was really calm when we told him about the party." One said, covering her mouth with her hand.

"nah, he looked freaked out." 

"I think that's just mom's fault."

"Your parents know about it?" Frank said, "No, no- I"

"Mom wasn't going to let us go unless we told them."

"About me?"

"No, we just told her what we told everyone else." They said, "Alumni."

Frank nodded, "Thank god."

"We're not stupid." One said.

"Your dad can't really know what's happening till the day of." Frank said, "I'm going to bring him when I stop by, show him that I'm not trying to be bad to you. That's the entire point."

The girls nodded and looked down at their food.

"You have your dresses ready?" Frank said.

"We're just wearing our prom dresses."

Frank nodded, "We have 200 RSVPs, by the way. At least according to the event manager, it's gonna be great. You three are good at spreading stuff like this around, not like you're dad."

"Everyone says we're more like our mom."

"I wouldn't know." Frank said, "You three better be getting back home, It's almost 6."

The girls each stood up, thanked him and left. Frank paid the check and left.  
He was very good.  
Frank was sure of it.

It was 7 when Frank got home. Charley wasn't there. Frank read the morning paper then pulled a comb through his hair and went back out.

Charley's agent's townhouse was gorgeous. He wasn't wrong about the decorations being just perfect. Frank had taken up an invitation to eat lunch with him, and while the food was bland, the room made up for it.

"I obviously can't help you much." He said, "I'm a literary agent, and my experience is with playwrights and novelists, not composers. Your representative dealt with his musical works."

"do you think you could do it?" Frank said.

"Represent you two as a team?" He said, "For your next musical?"

Frank nodded.

"I'd have to research about the industry." He said.

"Well, you have time." Frank said.

"Definitely." He said, "Why?"

"why?" Frank said.

"Why are you bringing this up?"

"Because I think you can convince him ro write again." Frank said, "He likes you, he listens to you."

He laughed, "I have a method. It's called the 'let him be and he'll start writing again' method."

Frank chuckled, "It's not been working."

"He's not well." He said, "it's just lasting longer than it usually is. I don't know the specifics, not currently, but it'll pass. He's off center, but he falls into place. Every time."

"You talk like he's your best friend."

"Whenever Charley's off, there are only a handful of people who deal with him." He said, "I'm one of those people, even if my livelihood depends on it."

"I think a lot of people stick by Charley Because their livelihood depends on it." Frank said.

The agent bursted out into laughter, "You're right, but that's awful." 

"Ever since we were young, he's struggled with people." Frank said.

"Ah." He said, "I forgot you two have known each other since you were kids.. has he changed much?"

"Over the years?" Frank said, "I think he was bolder when we were young, and stupider... he's always been shy, but now he hates people as much as they hate him. He used to be able to perform, did you know that? But by.. 25? That was gone. He was too nervous. Now he can barely leave the house, he's.. getting worse."

He frowned and it looked genuine enough.

"Which he always said it would." Frank said.

"They say artists thrive in their own suffering." He said. "he'll make something wonderful soon."

"Or he'll cut his ear off." Frank laughed, "Me and you think the same. Everyone thinks I'm being awful to Charley, and I think that they don't see it right. Charley feels better when he... Feels like he has worth! He can only do that when he writes something good."

"Exactly!" He took a sip of water, "Are you working, Independently?"

"I've written a few pieces." Frank said, "I'm not good with lyrics. I CAN do it, but I'm not Charley."

"Could I hear some?"

Frank smiled, "Some other day."

He grinned a sheepish smile, "Call me then."


	14. Regret

"So, you think you'll be able to convince him to sing it?" Charley's agent said.

"If he's home." Frank said, unlocking the door and pushing it open, "I'm surprised you like it so much."

"Makes me wish I produced theatre." He laughed.

"Oh you're sweet." Frank said, entering.

The lights were off, the house was quiet.

The agent closed the door behind him then stopped, putting hands in his pocket. Frank shook his head.

"He's probably sleeping." Frank said, "Give me a second."

Frank went into the room, not closing the door behind him and walking to the bed. It wasn't made, and for a second Frank almost thought he was there, but no. No. Charley just hadn't made the bed. He wasn't there. Frank grumbled, grabbed the duvet, and laid it out flat. He hated this duvet, it was ugly. He wanted to redecorate the room, but Charley wasn't willing to sleep anywhere else. He folded the top of the blanket so that the pillows could still be seen, then stepped back to admire the room.  
He bumped into the agent, who placed his arms around Frank's torso, pulling in close.  
Frank wasn't sure what it was. Frank wasn't sure what he felt. He froze up for a second. 

Frank liked Charley, that was the only fact on that subject. He always had. He could try to push it aside, he had, but it would come back. Charley always came back, in head, in life. That's just how it was.

Frank wasn't against the idea of anything else. Frank wasn't sure what he was. Frank wasn't sure what it was. Frank didn't even know if he could deny it. 

"At least let me play you the song first." Frank said.

"Nervous he'll be back?"

"He always shows up at the wrong tiem." Frank said, "Awkward situation for both of us, I think. Charley's your client."

"I guess that's true."

And so they turned around and went back to the living room. Jon sat down on that hard sofa, crossing his legs.

Frank went to the piano, sat down, and played the song.

God, he loved music.

Sure enough, 10 minutes later, the door opened and Charley entered. The agent was staring up at the wall, arms over his chest. He looked peaved for some reason. Charley stood for a second, listening, then looked at the agent and sat down on one of the chairs.

"Afternoon." They both said to eachother.

The agent's face changed and he uncrossed his arms and legs, sitting up and straight and smiling, "Do you have anything new for me, Charley? I was waiting outside, Frank let me in."

"No, Jon." Charley said, "I don't."

"Well, that's sad." He said, "Can I stay? I'm quite enjoying the music."

"Sure." Charley said, standing up.

"Where are you off to?" Frank said.

"Gonna stand on the balcony." Charley said.

"Gonna jump off it?" Frank said.

"I'll decide when I get out there." Charley said, heading down the hall.

The moment Charley was gone, the agent started laughing.

"He is so odd!"

"Isn't he?" Frank said. 

"You two are too tense for this." He said, rising, "Have a good day, call me soon." He said as he walked off.

The next night, Frank didn't do much.

Frank could never figure out what exactly was with Charley. Though he could presume, he was usually wrong. Though he could hope, he was never certain. There was always something new with him, and of course Charley was Oh So Private! 

Charley was pacing around the living room, not taking, occasionally leaning on the wall and mumbling something. Every now and then the phone would ring and he would say "hello." Then lower his voice to a whisper and say something like "Oh.." and then he'd say something in broken, rough, awkward Spanish at the same level, then change to an even more broken and uncomfortable language. He was dull, taking his glasses off with one hand and then rubbing his eyes with the other, sitting down, pacing in a small circle with the phone in his hands, trying not to trip on the cord. Frank was watching, sitting on a chair with cup of coffee and a book on tonal theory that he'd read before, occasionally glancing at it and then looking back up at Charley.

Eventually the phone calls stopped and so did the pacing and Charley sat, leg restlessly bouncing, and head in his hands. 

Frank took a sip of his coffee, which was now room temperature, closed his book, and sat up, taking off his reading glasses and placing them in his pocket.

"Why don't we go to dinner?" Frank said, "I bet I could get us into some place nice."

"I'm stuck in a loop of thoughts." Charley said, "But go ahead without me."

Frank shook his head, "Charley."

Charley finally looked up, "hmm..?"

Frank didn't move for a second, "Are you free tommorow?"

"I'd believe so." Charley said.

Frank stood up, stretched and looked down at him, "Good. Stay here tommorow, I have a surprise for you."

"I don't like surprises very much." Charley said. "They never seem to come at the right time. If I controlled time, we'd be much better off."

"I feel like you'd forget about time a lot and it would be frozen for weeks on end." Frank said.

Charley didn't reply, just stared beyond Frank, right over his shoulder. He knew that look. Frank had grown accustomed to it.

"I'm going to go get dinner." Frank said, "Maybe I'll call Mary up."

"you can hardly find a place that's nice that doesn't serve alcohol." Charley said.

"Then get your coat." Frank said.

"Looking at you is like looking through a one sided mirror." Charley said, "Your head is the speaker."

"Wow, you're clever." Frank said, "Come on."

"And I can see out, but you can only see in." Charley said, "Doesn't that bother you-- but you get to see everything real. I get to see everything through a pane of glass."

Frank rolled his eyes, "Ohh, magnificent Pulitzer prize writer, what would I do without your comparisons? What would I do if I didn't have to hear stuff like this on a daily basis? Let's just watch the news, that's what we usually end up doing."

Frank clicked the television on and found the news then sat down next to Charley. Charley sat stoically, still just looking off. 

"...In an 8-1 decision on Monday, the Supreme Court ruled that the keeping of two prisoners in a cell for two is not a violation of the 8th amendment... " 

"does that bother you?" Frank said.

"That ruling?" Charley said, not looking over.

"yes." Frank said.

"Of course it does." Charley said. 

"Well maybe if we're lucky we'll get to hear about someone awful dying tonight." Frank said.

"It always takes bad people too to die." Charley said, "Reagan survived being shot, Nixon has yet to kill himself, and I haven't heard anything about your father being dead." 

"I wouldn't know." Frank laughed, "Though, I'll probably end up with a house in Chicago that I have to hire cleaners for, then clear out, maybe... Give it to Frankie.. or sell it. Or burn it."

"Burning it would be nice." Charley said.

"Throw a big party." Frank said, "I'd get it catered."

"Just leave the man's body inside." Charley said.

"Low-cost cremation." Frank said. 

Charley's face clenched and he covered his mouth to hide a stifled laugh.

"I think I won. I made you laugh." Frank said, "Grab your coat."

Charley shook his head.

"Don't you have a psychiatrist you're supposed to be seeing?"

"I had other things that were more important." Charley said.

"Care to tell?"

"No."

"I can't argue with that." Frank said, standing up, "I'm... Going to see Mary. No dinner. Just a nice, sober, conversation. Will you come with me?"

"No."

Frank sighed and went to the coat closet. He took his jacket out and put it on, glancing back over to Charley often. Maybe, if Frank was slow enough, Charley would join him from the pressure of his glares. But no, Charley was still just sitting there and staring out at whatever it is Charley saw.

Frank couldn't do it. he took his jacket off and returned to the sofa, putting an arm around Charley. The news was doing some investigative report on a grocery store. Frank leaned his head on Charley's shoulder. Charley returned the affection ever so slightly, leaning his head over Frank's. 

"Who cares whether or not grocery stores are paying their employees enough money?" Frank said.

"I do." Charley said.

"I know." Frank said, "That's admirable."

"Thank you." Charley said.

Frank took Charley's glasses off and tossed them onto the table. 

"Why'd you do that?" Charley said, sitting his head up and glancing over.

"They were poking my head." Frank said. 

"Okay." Charley said, laying his head back down. 

"How bad IS your vision?" Frank said.

"I can't see the television." Charley said, "At all. It's just colors." 

"Wow." Frank said, "I'm telling you, Charley, tommorow it's gonna be nice. You're gonna be happy."

"you're putting me on edge." Charley said.

"I'm serious." Frank said, "You'll love it, you will. It'll make you happy."

"I'm not sure about that." Charley said.

Frank sat up and crossed his arms, "I thought the medications were supposed to help you, I thought they were to pull you up out of this."

"It takes time and-- and focus and all other sorts of things, Frank." Charley said.

"I know you have those things." Frank said, "And it's been quite a bit of time."

"I'm not a pharmacologist, Frank." Charley said, "I'm trying to keep you out of your way, I'm trying to not inflict this-"

"That's the problem. I like you." Frank said, "Its a bunch of nonsense, bunch of bullshit. I never know with you. I don't."

"What do you want?" Charley grumbled, " We go back and forth on this subject way too much. You want me to move out? You want me to fuck you? What do you want? Do you just want to make me cry? What is it?"

"I want you to be happy." Frank said.

"Good for you." Charley said, "Do unbelievably unique, that is. So believable too." 

"well, it's true! And you'll see tommorow." Frank said.

"Wonderful." Charley mumbled.

"Just take your valium and pass out or something." Frank said, "Which, you know, I find funny. You got on my case about the librium-"

"I don't think you can compare the drug I use to help me sleep to the time you drove me out to the middle of the desert and overdosed." Charley said, "Then had a breakdown in front of my children and made me fix up the pieces. Not the same, buddy."

"You disappeared." Frank said.

"I went to kill your dad." Charley said, "I put wayyy too much into you."

"Oh yes, because I'm not worth-"

"Sometimes I think you might be." Charley said.

"I know you do."

"Of course." Charley said, then like that, he burst into tears, "Why do we keep fighting like this? Why do we keep fighting just like this?"

Frank just sighed and shrugged, "I dunno. I think we get a thrill out of it, we always have."

"Not when it's just over and over and over again." Charley said, rubbing his eyes with his hand, "The thrill is dull, the thrill is sick. It's just painful, we just don't like eachother."

"That's not true." Frank said, softening his voice and staring up at the ceiling to avoid having to see Charley, "That's not true." 

"we have so little time left and we're still just snapping at eachother's throats." Charley said, "We're going to die hating eachother."

"It's a rough patch." Frank said, "We're both stressed-- you're talking like this like we're going to die tommorow." Frank said, "We still have time."

His breathing picked up and he grabbed Frank's arm, "That's what we were telling ourselves two years ago. It's hardly changed, definitely not for the better.'

Frank looked down at him, meeting his eyes. Charley was practically hyperventilating, intense, lightly shaking.

"I don't-"

"Look at what exactly we've done. You're not married, Frankie won't talk to you. I'm not married, my kids hate me. Mary's hardly even our friend anymore. We're just floating and seperate, it's just me and you. I can't- I don't know what's going on. I don't know why this is happening or why it's being like this-" every word sped up, "Why? Why? Why did we do any of this? Why? Why didn't we just let life be the same as it was? Why did we uproot ourselves."

"For eachother." Frank said, "Don't regret it."

"YOU should regret it. We all should regret it, the entire world should regret it!" Charley said, "They probably do. They probably do, you know? They probably do. Everyone out there feels it, and they regret it. Why wouldn't they regret it?"

There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. 

Frank sat up, then stood and went to the bedroom, he laid down, closed his eyes and counted sheep until Charley's crying faded away and he fell into a dream.

When Frank woke up, Charley was asleep at the desk. Feet up on it, head back, he was snoring ever so quietly, glasses on his face. The bottle of valium sat on the dress table. Frank rolled over and out of bed, feeling the sweatiness of sleeping in his day clothes from the moment he moved, and stood there for a moment. He reached over, ran a hand through Charley's thick, almost black, hair, then turned and grabbed the bottle. Popping one, he turned and went into the bathroom to shower and shave.

Today was going to be good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet. I return with lots of Frank. Next chapter will be sooo fun.


	15. All right

What was he planning?  
Today was tbe end. It had to be the end. 

Charley had been forced to wake up at half past 8, then (like a child going to a wedding 3 hours over) forced to dress up in the nicest thing he owned. Frank's demands, though, were combined with bright eyes and a huge grin. Charley'd just been sitting for a while now, Frank not letting a word get out.

Charley's mother was dying, now Frank was going to kill him. That's what it was. Both Charley's mother and his father would out live him, as was probably intended. Only by a little bit for his mother, but nonetheless. That's what Charley had to believe. A sad week for the Kringas family. Charley couldn't even imagine the intense grief everyone would feel. Maybe Frank would be good enough to hide his body, so that everyone just thought Charley was missing for a while. There was no other reason to this.  
He was choosing not to be anxious. He'd sweat if he was anxious and he didn't want to sweat. Frank was on the phone, laughing about something, then hanging it up and stretching his arms up above his head.

"Take your glasses off." Frank said.

"What?" Charley said.

"Put them in your pocket." Frank said, "I have to blindfold you."

"What?" Charley said.

"It's a surprise and I'm going all out." Frank said, "I have a driver, I'll sit with you in the back, and I won't let you slam into anything, don't worry."

"This is frightening." Charley said, taking his glasses off and placing them in his pocket.

Frank came over and took a sleeping mask out of his pocket, placing it over Charley's head.

"Can you see anything?" Frank said.

"Not a thing." Charley said.

"Good." Frank said, "Don't worry."

"Would you let me call Mary?" Charley said, "I'd like her to know not to come looking after you've killed me, not to waste her time."

Frank put his hands on Charley's shoulders, gripping lightly, and laughed, "You need to relax. No worrying, not tonight."

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that." Charley said.

Frank grabbed Charley's arm and tugged, "Stand up."

Charley stood up. Frank linked around his arm and pulled him through the room. Charley almost found it entertaining, trying to imagine what he looked like. He heard the door close, then Frank let go of him and locked it. Frank grabbed his arm again guided him. Then they were at the elevator. Charley held onto Frank's arm. Elevators were worse when you couldn't see. 

Charley zoned it out, mindlessly walking wherever Frank was bringing him. Then, he was half shoved into a car and scrambled to take off the blindfold. Frank grabbed his hands.

"It's okay, it's okay." Frank said, "I didn't mean to knock you over. Just sit up."

Being in the car felt like forever. It was silent, other than Frank's occasional tapping on the window to the driver and saying "turn left" or "take this road, actually." Every now and then, Frank would lead over to Charley and kiss him, squeezing his hand. Frank seemed excited. Charley couldn't feel it.

Charley thought about falling asleep, since this ride seemed to be lasting forever, but nerves (and Frank) were keeping him awake.

"Okay." Frank said to the driver, "Last loop here, then we can get on the way."

"loop?" Charley said.

"Just burning some time." Frank said, "Left a little early."

"Oh." Charley said. 

The car came to a stop and the door opened, then the door on the side Charley was sitting on opened and Frank pulled him out.

It was suddenly so loud, like everything on earth was around him, throwing his head around like a ball. Frank tugged at him and then led him. Eventually, the noise faded and Frank put an arm around Charley's side as he led him.

"Little step." Frank said, "Careful."

Charley did as told, almost falling back. Frank grabbed his hand and pulled him forward.

"Relax." Frank said, "you're fine."

Frank seemed to lead him through an endless array of hallways and through way too many doors. Music was playing, it was live, new stuff that you'd hear on the radio. And there was people talking, faintly, as if they were in the background, then that all faded away and they were somewhere with clanging and quiet talking and pouring, then through another door, then he stopped. He reached over and took Charley's blindfold off.  
In front of him, though blurry, was a flight carpeted red stairs going up to a pair of doors.

"Just so you don't trip." Frank said.

The music was muffled through the door. Someone passed them carrying a plate of drinks, up the stairs and went out. A small streak of light came out as the door opened, then was quickly gone as the door swung back closed. Frank walked up the stairs, and Charley followed. Before Charley could open the door, Frank reblindfolded him. 

"It has to be a surprise." Frank said, grabbing his hand and pulling him close as he pushed open the door.

The noise got much louder.

Frank gripped Charley's hand tight, reached over and removed the blindfold. Charley reached into his pocket, pulled out his glasses, and searched over the room.

It was a party of some kind. Very nice, very beautiful. Lots of alcohol. Unbelievably fancy. Charley wanted to puke. Everyone was dressed up nicer than anyone ever should be. On the wall, far off, was a banner "Welcome Class Of 1981" Teenagers laughed and danced, the band was playing.   
Charley turned to Frank to say something, and Frank grinned. 

"For your girls." Frank said, "i know you are so mad that I sorta came in and uprooted their life, so I'm trying to make their last few weeks in New York good. Really good. I want them to not hate me."

Charley didn't know what to say, he stepped back and looked over the room.

"Are you serving alcohol?" Charley said.

"They're of age." Frank said, "I have to address the crowd--" he shifted and grabbed Charley's shoulder, "Step back in the hall, how about that?"

Charley nodded, "I don't get why you would-"

"Your daughters helped organize it, helped get all their classmates here too! You raised them-"

"Evelyn told you not to speak with our kids, Frank." Charley said.

"It was for this though, not to-"

"She and I didn't want you anywhere near them, Frank, it's very reasonable-"

"No, it's not." Frank said, "We'll discuss it later. Step away." 

Charley turned and went through the doors, sticking close by the wall. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know what was happening. Why had Frank brought him?

"If I may interuppt our band." Charley could heard Frank say on a microphone, "I am the 'mysterious alumni' or should I say alumnus, and I'm not even that. My name is Franklin Shepard, you may recognize my name, and I organized and paid for this all. You see, my dear friend's children are part of your class, and I believe that there is such beauty in youth, and in the next generation. I am a bit of an old man myself, but I find nothing more amazing than your dedication to the future! Enjoy this night, and enjoy your youth while it lasts!"

He stopped talking, there was a huge burst applause that surely made Frank feel great about himself, and Frank came through the doors. He had this look on his face, excitedly-smug, like he was just waiting for Charley to fall to his knees and kiss his feet.  
_Ohhh how good of you_, he probably expected Charley to say, _You went behind my back, did exactly what me and Evelyn demanded you not to do, FUCKED with my family!_  
(Evelyn was practically in tears! Her daughters had chosen to go to a party instead of spending time with family. Evelyn's mother had screamed hoarse at her. Charley had DEFENDED the their choice! He shouldn't have! He wouldn't have if he'd known this!)   
_How didn't I know?_ _How couldn't I have guessed that Frank would be sticking his hands in places they shouldn't be._ Charley didn't want this. Frank wasn't part of his family, he only hurt them. He was getting 200 something 18 year olds drunk on a Saturday night. This was supposed to impress him? This was supposed to prove to him that he was sorry about getting his daughter drunk? Who knows what his intentions were that night, who knows what they were tonight! What was this? _An ego trip disguised as a party for the girls! Of COURSE! Of course! There was nothing more to it, Frank Shepard just wanted to look good in front of all those people._ In front of Charley too, no doubt.   
Charley was using all his will not to scream at him right then and there. He'd already told him that he hated him, yelled at him when they were in Connecticut. He'd already embarrassed him in front of an audience. Everyone had told Frank NOT to do this, and it was too late now, and nothing Charley could do would keep Frank from doing it again. He'd been doing it their entire life. Frank didn't listen, Frank did listen and didn't care. Frank knew that no matter what he did, Charley would always come back. That was proven time and time again. There was no one but Frank in Charley's life. Everyone was either Frank, or with Frank. Charley didn't even know where he was. Charley didn't know how far he was from home, or from Evelyn's or Mary's, and Frank was standing in front of him just waiting for a response. There was no he could win. Everything ended the same. The past was the beginning, the future was the past, the end was the start, the start was the end, Frank was just there.  
Charley was so angry, so unbelievably angry. He wanted to slap him with all the strength he had, wanted to see him writhing on the floor in pain like when he'd been pepper sprayed.

Frank stepped ever so closer and touched Charley's cheek. 

"You look shocked." Frank said, "See, everything's fine. You gotta let me break things sometimes, because I know how to fix them."

Charley asked so little of him. He always had. _Don't be mean to me, Frank_. _Don't let the people you force around me be cruel. Talk to me. Be open._ All those things were easy, Frank could do them, he had chosen not to. That was fine, that was all okay. He could deal with it, he could bounce back from it. This had to be different. It wasn't just Charley anymore. It wasn't just Mary or Evelyn either. It was Charley's kids. It was Charley's daughters. They'd never done anything to Frank, they barely even idolized to him. He was just their father's friend, and now more than that. He always had. They probably knew that. He was always the reason Charley was at his worst. No. _No_, Charley was the reason, Frank was just there. Always there. How the girls must hate him. Evelyn was going to kill them. Evelyn just wanted him out. She always did. Frank Shepard had never done anything good to her. He'd just been a bad force. Charley had allowed it all to happen. He'd allowed this to happen, there had to have been a sign that Charley had subconsciously decided to ignore. He'd done this to his poor daughters, they didn't deserve it. They deserved to be far away from Frank Shepard. Everyone did. No one but Charley deserved it. That's what the universe had implied at the least. Charley always returned, he was meant to return. There was no point in any of this. Except for his daughters. Charley's only job was to keep them away from him. Frank ruined things and people and his girls, his children, they were too young for it. They didn't deserve that. That impact. Because once they let Frank in, he'd never leave. He'd be there throughout their entire lives, tying them up with string or whatnot. He'd probably be there for their children's lives too. Old man Frank Shepard, paying for their private school education. Nothing Charley could do to stop any of it. 

Frank smiled, giving him a quick hug, "I'm going to go find your girls, sure they'll be happy to see you." He said.

Frank walked off and Charley stood there and stood there and stood there and stood there and stood there. Frank returned with the girls in tow. They smelled of perfume and faintly of liquor. They excitedly greeted him, laughing.

"Daddy, isn't it cool?"

"Do you like it?"

"He's not that bad? is he?"

"He's a little overwhelmed." Frank said, "Go, return back. Its basically your night."

Charley just smiled and nodded and the girls giggled and left through the doors, Frank staying behind. That stupid look had returned and he leaned back, as if he was still waiting for the praise.

"Can we sit somewhere?" Charley said, "This is all overwhelming."

"Surely a good thing." Frank said, "Yes. Come on."

The two walked seemingly back the way they came for the most part. Through a kitchen, then a backroom filled with cords and other equipment, then down a hall, then an abrupt turn down a well lit hall into the house or lobby or whatever. There was a line of seats by a propped open door looking into the ball-room or whatever, and Frank took a seat, gesturing for Charley to join him, which he did.  
The band was playing something sweet and slow now, and the laughing of drunk teenagers was a little quieter. Frank leaned his head on Charley's shoulder. Charley was so tired, of this, of Frank. Of most things. He could sleep forever, just at this moment. He didn't. 

The music picked up again and the teenagers got very VERY loud. Frank adjusted slightly and leaned over to see what was happening, he nudged Charley away and stood up.

"I'll be back." He said.

Charley continued sitting there. The noise got even louder and he looked away, staring at a wall.  
Frank returned some while later, better than before. He untied his tie, scrunching it into a ball and tossing it onto a nearby trashcan. He unbuttoned his top two buttons and sat back. 

"Kids are fucking _insane_ nowadays." Frank said, through laughter, "Every single one is like you were-- I swear to God. I'm not gonna stop 'em much either. Fucking insane- I'm shocked. If we were a little younger, I swear to God man-

"What do you--" Charley stopped himself and decided not to ask, just leaning his head on Frank's shoulder.

"Do you wanna go home?" Frank said, "Let's go home. Are you getting tired? I'm getting tired. Well, I'm not really tired. There are so many people around, I don't know a single spot where we- I just- I know how you are- I need a cigarette. Isn't that weird? I need a cigarette. I'd bet I can bum one off-- do kids these days still smoke? I don't care, I'll figure it out." He stood back up and left again. 

He returned once again a little while later, pacing around the lobby for a second, cigarette on his lips. He smoked it down then stomped it out on the tile floors with aggression.

"Your kids are like you." Frank said, "Like Evelyn too, from what I remember Mary telling me when we were all young. Wild!" He placed around a little bit more, "I wonder if we can find a closet or something-- whatever, I said we were going to go home."

He left again, this time going down the hall. He was gone for 40 minutes this time, Charley watched the clock. He returned and snapped his fingers at Charley. Charley looked up, narrowing his eyes.

"Come on." Frank said.

Charley rose and stepped to his side. He followed Frank through a different pair of doors. It was late, the middle of the night, and into a fancy car. Frank opened the privacy window, told them the address, then closed it, slammed the door, and within seconds was fiddling with Charley's pants, Frank could never seem to work zippers, throwing off his blazer.

"So, did you like it?" He said, "I pulled that together SO fast, cost me a lot too. Stuff like this happens all the time in LA, but usually for rich kids and their rich little friends, I just wanted to be nice."

Charley wasn't sure what to say.

"I hope you thought it was good. I tried, I really did." Frank said, awkwardly pushing Charley up against the door, "They seem to be liking it. I didn't expect coke, but if it keeps that atmosphere--" he stopped talking and continued at it.

"Who brought coke?" Charley said after some time, closing his eyes.

Frank didn't answer. 

They were both quite disheveled by the time they got to their building, Frank still giddy as they walked up the stairs.

Charley wanted to sleep, but he was denied that. Standing by the door was Mary and Jon, who both let out a sigh of relief when they say him. 

"Your brother called me--" Mary said, "And no one could reach you so I called him-- neither of us could reach you so I came over."

"What's happening?" Frank said, unlocking the door and opening it. No one entered.

"What's going on?" Charley said.

Mary looked at Frank, motioned for him to go inside, then put a hand on Charley's shoulder.

\--  
It was like someone had stabbed Charley. All color had drained from his face and Mary had stepped back, eyebrows knitted. The Agent was leaning against the wall, awkwardly staring at the floor. Mary grabbed Charley's arm, led him to a chair, and sat him down, and he just shook his head. Mary say next to him, putting an arm around him. The agent left the room and returned with a glass of water for him. Charley didn't touch it.

"I guess I have to go to Chicago." Charley said, rising.

Mary nodded, "Let me help you pack a bag, just for a couple of nights. Your pills and the likes."

"No, would you call Evelyn? Tell my son, I'll be there in 40 minutes and that I'll leave with him in 45"

Mary nodded, "Oh. Alright."

Mary went to the phone. 

Frank followed Charley into the room. He stood there for a second, then began to pack. His hands were shaking like crazy, and every few seconds he would just stop and take a breath. 

"I won't be returning." He said as he placed his various bottles of pills into the front pocket.

"What do you mean?" Frank said, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No." Charley said, "And I know you won't listen."

Frank didn't say anything.

"It really all happens at once." Charley sighed, zipping the bag up and turning to him, "Doesn't it?"

"Hardly, Charley." Frank said, "Not this time-"

"Call the venue, call Evelyn tell her where they are, get my daughters home." Charley said.

"I can't do that, Charley." Frank said, "Evelyn can't-"

"Of course." Charley said, shaking his head, taking a step away from him.

Frank grabbed his wrist, "Not a WORD to her. Not a word, you know that."

"I'll go to my grave with it." Charley mumbled, pulling his hand away, slinging the bag over his shoulder, and heading off. Frank, hands crossed over his chest, following behind.

"Evelyn's says he'll be ready to go the moment you get there, said he'll be outside too" Mary said, "I'll drive you, alright?"

"Thank you, Mary." Charley said.

The agent came over and hugged Charley, which he didn't return.

"It's a dreadful way to find out." He said.

"Last night, I was on the phone with her, with my father, with cousins, with my brothers, and they were all so certain that it didn't mean anything. That it was just her being herself." Charley said, "And they begged me not to work myself up over it, said it only stress her out. Now what do you know, I was right." 

Mary joined the hug for a split second, then the two accompanied Charley out. 

Mary returned a couple hours later. Frank was in the kitchen, chewing on raw pasta, when Mary knocked. Frank let her in and she stood there for a second as Frank closed the door.

"It's nauseating." Mary said, "He just looked so off. His son wouldn't look at him, or talk to him. The girls weren't there and Charley wasn't willing to wait and Evelyn didn't know where they were, and he and his son just left. The poor was about to cry, Jon was trying to console Charley, he wasn't crying he was off.. and his son wanted to sit up by me, and as we got to the elevator, he looked at me and said, 'This isn't fair' and he's right." 

"That's how it is." Frank said, "Charley's parents are very old, getting into their 80s, I think. It's a miracle they survived this long.'

"I know." Mary said, "I liked the woman. I met her a few times, she was fun.."

"I think she made Charley's childhood a hell." Frank said, "He told me that when he was very little, he was so sickly because his mother would give him radically wrong doses of a medication he was on. Said it made the- the fits, I think, worse, fucked his head up-- And of course, throughout our childhood, she was.. a force. Crying.. yelling, never at us. She was scary, sometimes."

"My mother was a bad person." Mary said, "I was happy when she died. Glad it was over, but I still grieved-- I slept on Evelyn's couch for a couple of days, helped watch the kids. I didn't want to feel alone."

"No one ever does." Frank said, "I guess that means I'm the only one whose parents are both still alive now."

Mary nodded, "That's funny, I think you hate yours the most."

"My mother and my younger sister are both.. still alive. They're hardly family. I can't forgive my mother, and well I'm just waiting for my father to die."

"Joyful day." Mary said, "We'll throw a party."

"We will." Frank said, "Oh, he doing so good today. He's been glum and low lately, but today he was quiet but he was alright. He seemed happy, he seemed okay."

"That's how bad things seem to happen." Mary said, "When he comes back, let him be. Keep an eye on him, but give him space."

"That's the best way to deal with him most the time." Frank said, "If I've learned anything."

Mary nodded, "Yeah."

"I want a drink." Frank laughed, then stopped himself, "But I won't."

"Thank you." Mary said.

"What a night." Frank said, standing up, "Do you want me to get a blanket? You wanna stay here tonight?"

"Yes, Frank, thank you." Mary and.

Frank did as such, then went to bed himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET.  
Merry Christmas


	16. Growth (or lack thereof, maybe)

"...Catalina Kringas was more than just a good woman, despite many a flaw, many an issue, she always pushed through. Many people fall apart from the horrors they've lived, but no, no, my mother, she was a force to be reckoned with. No matter how she was, what she felt, she always found a way to- she did. She was a good person, somehow. She probably shouldn't have been a good person, probably- she was though. She was. She really was-"

He'd never seen his father so bad with words. He'd seen him anxious before, nervous, but never was the language itself just as bland. He _was_ nervous of course, and he was shaking, and he was trying very hard not to cry.

"How are we doing any of this? How do any of us fight through? Look to her, look at her life, and- and look at the world she left behind. 4 children, 17 grandchildren, 3 great grand-children, her husband of 60- 62 years-", he seemed to skip down a couple of lines, "I was told to write a story about her that- that, is notable. I don't- I don't have any. Everything she did should be notable, should bring up.. emotions in us. She wasn't given that right, she wasn't allowed the ability to be noticed, but maybe she wanted that-- I don't know. She was a good woman…"  
There was this dead, dull, look in his eyes, like he wanted to light the whole place on fire.

\--

Chicago was hot this time of year. Not comfortable hot either, disgustingly hot. The type of hot that made you feel sick, like you had a bad case of the flu. Everyone was covered in a thin layer of sweat, pooling at their brow. Clothing stuck to skin, shirt collars were damp. Charley's hair felt heavy with sweat, resting on his back. He'd gone out this morning, bought a disposable razor, and shaved finally, since he hated the feeling of sweat on his chin, but the hair couldn't be prevented much.

The funeral, which had been yesterday, had been bad as they always were. Charley had written the eulogy on the plane and had barely been able to get through it. Charley had completely disconnected by the final prayer, and that's how he'd been since.

His father had taken out a loan to get the service as quickly as possible, as was respectful. That stress wasn't creeping into anyone's mind yet, but it would eventually. Charley knew that, so he'd left a check in the ice box, knowing his father would eventually stumble upon it. That's how it always was.   
Charley and his son were staying at Mars', stuffed into a guest room with Lorry and his eldest daughter. They'd all collected though, to sit on the steps of their father's home with him. There was this aching silence, no one was really sure what to say. The worst had already come, but Charley doubted that. Something worse would happen, a fire or something.   
People had been by the house, to offer condolences mostly, but to occasionally offer their help to Dr. Kringas, which the brothers all thanked them for but turned them away, telling them to come back in a couple of days.   
Charley had cleaned the kitchen and Lorry had fixed the door. The house was sorta falling apart, and since they were all there (and knew that it would be quite a while before Dad would even find the will to call a repairman) He was a sensitive man, sensitive to grief. He had nearly shut down. 

Charley's son was the youngest there, something Charley remembered being with pity. It was an awful situation to be in. 

Lorry broke the silence by clearing his throat and looking down at Charley.

"You should return home soon." He said, "You've still got younger children."

"The ones back in new York are all adults." Charley said, "You know that."

"Ah.. right." He said, "I forgot you just have him and the girls."

"Why didn't they come along?" Asked Mars, standing up.

"We left in a hurry." Charley said.

The silence return as Mars went into the house. Danny and his wife exited a while later. She went to the car while Danny stopped at the end of the steps and turned back to face the remaining siblings.

He almost looked like he was going to say something, then he just shook his head, sighed, and followed after his wife. They drove away.

Lorry stepped down and sat by Charley's son. No one said anything. Eventually Lorry stood to leave, stopped, sighed, and did. 

Mars came out again and leaned on the railing for a moment, "He'll be okay, so he says." 

"that's what he tends to say." Charley sighed.

The next day was spent silent, for the most part. Charley's son was with Lorry, sent to get Dad some essentials to last a couple of weeks. Charley sat with his father, in the man's office. Charley'd cleaned it, about the only thing he could do, and then the two sat like old times at the desk. 

"It's surreal." He said.

Charley didn't know what to say in reply, just reached out and touched his sleeve.

"I have a practice to run." He sighed, "I can't just sit here for the next few weeks."

"You could retire." Charley said, "We could all make sure of that."

"No." He said, "I love my work, Charles. I hate being away from it."

"I know." Charley said, "But you're old dad, you're alone."

"And I'm proud." He said, "I find value in my work, Charles. Don't take it away from me."

"I won't." Charley said, "I'm not saying I will, I'm saying that you should consider it."

"You have to understand finding value in what you do and only what you do, Charles." He said, "That's what I'm saying."

Charley nodded, "I understand."

He adjusted in his chair and glanced out the window, "Your mother told me, a couple of years ago that it had been years since she felt good. I've thought about it every day since."

"Well, that probably- she didn't.. she didn't mean it like that, I'd bet. She sorta lost her grip on… English, I think."

"No." He said, "I knew she meant it."

"How'd you know?"

"It felt.. so much like her."

Charley closed his eyes, tapped his foot, opened his eyes again, and stood up, "It really does." 

His father opened the drawer and pulled something out, he stood up, limped to Charley and pressed it into his hand. A lighter, seemingly from the 30s. Etched onto it was the skyline of the city. Nothing major, nothing personal, just a lighter. They seemed to both understand what it meant. It was like he was saying, It's sad that this is the last time you'll ever be in Chicago. As if he knew.   
Charley almost reached out to hug him, but he was sitting back down before he could. He just lifted his head up to Charley, then they both nodded at eachother.

That evening,  
The brothers, except for Danny, all returned to Mars' home. Sitting in the living room, still quiet, still not looking at eachother. Charley was trying not to cry, not to drag the attention away. His son was mindlessly staring at the empty fireplace. 

"I'll.. check in with him every day, he lives close enough by." Mars said, "Call him as often as you can, that's all I ask of you two."

Charley nodded, "I can get an apartment down here if you'd like, just for a couple of months."

Mars didn't say anything, just slipped a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it up. Lorry stood up and paced the room, then, in a sudden burst of aggression, kicked the wall, putting a hole right through the drywall. Then, picked up a photo frame and threw it in the direction of Mars, narrowly missing his head and smashing onto the hard wood floor, sending broken glass and splintered pieces of the out. Mars flinched, looking at the photo frame. and Charley met Lorry's eyes.

"She was doing so good too! It's fucking- It's Bullshit! I'm tired, I'm tired! This isn't how it should be." He said, then turning his head toward the guest room that they were all sharing, "Me and her are leaving."

"You can't change it." Mars said.

"If he'd just kept an eye-"

Mars stood up, walked to his brother, and slammed him up against the wall. Charley's son flinched and grabbed Charley's arm.

No one said anything, then:

"Dad did EVERYTHING he could, Lorry. Everything." Mars said.

Lorry pulled away, swung around the corner, came out with his bags and his daughter, and was out and gone within a few minutes. 

Charley took his checkbook out, "How much do you need for the wall?"

"You didn't kick it." Mars mumbled, sitting back down.

"It's the only way I can keep the peace." Charley said.

Lorry shook his head, "Don't try to keep the peace, Charles. It always back fires. It'll eat you up. We don't need peace right now."

"This family doesn't get much of it." Charley said.

"You don't get much of it." He snorted, "We're usually quite fine."

"Lying to yourself..." Charley mumbled.

"Trouble always starts with one of us, bud." He said, "It's usually you. The peace can't be kept if you're here, but even if you leave, it will stay here.."

"I'm flattered." Charley said, rolling his eyes. 

"There is nothing we can do to fix it." Mars said, "My wife, Uncle Thomas, Mom. It's amazing. Always you."

That was how he grieved. Grumpy old man, Charley knew that. Lorry broke things, threw picture frames, screamed, Charley broke down, Dad disappeared, Mars just got angry. Charley knew that objectively, Charley had to know it. It was something so clear and strong. He was obviously grieving. Charley had no right to judge. The cold and isolated Mars, no interest in anything but his own little circle. Successful, smart, unbelievably humble, and subtle. Anger was his only emotion.

But it still made Charley start crying. He'd been doing so good, only crying on the plane and at the funeral itself. This was simply a break in an otherwise stoic composure.  
Charley felt pathetic.  
He felt like a child.  
Despite Mars' absence from his life, Charley did have at least a few memories of breaks by him. He was just as used to them as everyone else in the family. He could remember being maybe 7 or 8, on the floor of the house, curled up with his knees to his chest, hyperventilating, as his Mother screamed, Danny tried to calm him, and Mars just watched.  
He was kind of a dick.  
Charley was keeping composure, he wasn't sobbing, just sitting there crying.  
No one spoke. Charley's son rose and left the room, returning with he and Charley's bags. He placed them by the door, gesturing for Charley to come over. 

Charley blinked rapidly then stood and grabbed his bag. Just as Charley grabbed the doorknob to leave, his son turned to Mars.

"You're very unkind, did you know that?" He said, the first thing he'd said the entire day, then as if he was about to get in trouble, he pushed past Charley out and went out. 

Charley held back a laugh and followed after him.

He stood waiting at the sidewalk, tapping his foot. 

"You probably should've let me call us a cab." Charley said.

"We can walk." He said.

"Ah, you forget that I am an old man." Charley said, "I'm slow, I warn you."

"That's fine." He said, "Is this where you grew up?"

"No." Charley said, "I grew up in the same house your grandfather lives in now--"

"Oh." He said, "You still know this area though, right?"

"Well, if we walk in circles, it should only be once or twice." Charley said.

He nodded, then the two returned to their silence. This time it wasn't as aching. 

Charley and his son walked for a while. Then, Charley stopped, grabbed his son and gave him a hug. He removed his watch and handed it to him.

"Do not move, do not follow me." Charley said, "I'm not back by 5:15. Go back to Mars', just say that we went to your grandfather's and we argued."

"What?" He said.

"Just do it." Charley said, "Alright?"

He nodded. Charley placed his bag down, then went off.

When he got to the Shepard household, he paced the road for a while, back and forth, trying to see if he could spot anyone in the windows of the neighboring houses that would see him. No one. _Not a soul_. He walked up the driveway, through the gate, and to the door. He pushed it open and stood there for a second. He could hear the TV again. The piles of whatnot still sat seemingly where they were the last time he was there. Charley half expected another gun to be stuck in his face.   
He stepped in, found a pile of papers, took out the lighter, holding the cool metal in his hand for a second. He ran his thumb over the engraving, then flicked it and watched the small, weak, flame for half a second. He lowered it to the paper, and it caught in seconds, then he turned and left, shutting the door behind him. 

He wasn't sure if it would catch anything more, or if the man would notice it and put it out, he didn't care. 

He walked back to his son, who was sitting on the curb where he'd been left, and smiled.

"Just had to visit a friend." Charley said.

They took the first flight back to the New York. Though, Charley thought about getting a train ticket instead, just to talk with him. But, no, he couldn't do that. He'd survived. _You survived, Charley!_  
He got his son back to Evelyn's very late that night. He went in while Charley stayed at the stairwell to make sure he got in and such. Before Charley could turn and go back down, Evelyn stuck her head out of the door, noticed him, and came over. The two hugged, like old friends. 

"I'm so sorry, Charley." She said.

He didn't know what to say in response, just cleared his throat and said, "I'd see the girls, but I'm tired, I'm burnt out. I don't know if I could handle it, and I'll make it worse if I try and can't. I'll call them in the morning, I'm sorry. I'm sure they're not doing the best."

"It's alright." She said, "they'll understand. Do you want a ride home?"

"No." He said, "Go sit with them, I know he's probably holding a lot back."

Evelyn nodded and pulled away, "Alright. Goodnight, Mr. Kringas."

"Goodnight, Ms. Garfield." Charley said, turning and leaving.

Frank was asleep when Charley got home. He lazily tossed his bag down onto the desk, unbuttoned his shirt, and curled up next to Frank. Frank let out a soft grunt and curled up close, pressing his head into Charley's neck 

Frank must've not really woken up, because Charley was awoken later by him flinching and gasping awake. Frank sat up and looked down at him, running a hand along his cheek.

"What time did you get home?"

"I don't know." Charley said.

"I thought you weren't coming home?" Frank said.

"I wasn't thinking right." Charley said.

"Alright." Frank said, laying back down and putting a heavy arm around him, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

Charley fell back asleep. 

When he woke up, Frank was in the other room. He could tell by sound of piano, Frank was playing something new but also familiar. Charley's bag had been removed from the desk and unpacked and the bottles of pills were laid out on the nightstand. Charley sat up, flicked the lamp on, found his glasses (which were still on his face) and looked around the room. 

He knew what he had to do.

Charley rose, opened the door, and stood in the doorway, trying to catch a glimpse of Frank through the hallway. He walked down it, and found the seat, leaning on it. Frank was too into the music to notice him, hands moving quickly and with that perfect brand precision, not a single discordant second, eyes almost glassy with focus, a tiny bit of sweat on his neck. He must've noticed Charley just then, because his eyes brightened and he bit his lip, turning his head toward Charley for a quick second as he kept on playing, then back.

"I didn't wake you?" Frank said.

"No." Charley said, "I just like listening."

Frank slipped back into the focus again for another few seconds, then stopped playing abruptly. It was wrong, it made Charley's entire body tense.

"Do you need anything?" He said.

"I need to write." Charley said.

Frank's face lit up again, and he turned toward Charley, "Oh.. Frankie still has your typerwriter, uhm. I'll call him-"

"No." Charley said, "I'm going to get dressed and get a new one."

"Are you sure?" Frank said.

"This is very important." Charley said.

Frank stood up, "I'm dressed already, I'll go buy you one." 

"Thank you." Charley said.

Without another glimpse of his face, Frank was out of the apartment. 

Charley called his daughters. Evelyn said they didn't want to speak. Neither did his son. 

He showered, shaved, changed, and then sat at the desk. He thought about letting some more light in, brightening the place up, but then decided against it and went on a search for a pen. He found one, then a piece of paper, and began scribbling down illegible words. 

Frank returned a while later, with what he said. A short time later, Charley was writing. Incessantly. Frank sat on the bed, perhaps just keeping company, and the few times that Charley glanced over, he always had a grin on his face.

By the second hour of writing, Frank was up and just pacing the room, occasionally coming over and trying to grab a glance of what Charley had written. Charley, still typing with one hand, would nudge him away, and he'd simply laugh and sit back down. 

By the third, Frank wasn't watching anymore. He entered the room and placed a glass of water on the desk, then a plate of some surely awful food, then sat down and began eating his own food.

"What are you writing?"

Charley didn't say anything.

He sighed, stood up, placing his plate to the side and came up behind Charley, putting hands on Charley's shoulders.

"How… are you doing?" He said.

Charley against didn't say anything.

"I'm going to invite Mary over, I know you don't like talking to me about this stuff."

Not because of Frank, but because of a sudden intense wrist cramp, Charley stopped typing and sat there for a second. Within a moment, Frank turned his head up to him and kissed him.

"I'm sorry." Frank said, after pulling away, "It's been a bad few days for you, hasn't it? Talk to me, Charley. You never did."

"My mother and I were very alike." Charley said, stretching his hand out.

"I know you think that." Frank said, "I don't think that... I don't know."

"You don't." Charley said, "You really don't." 

"Who does?" Frank said, "Talk to them, at least."

"No one, Frank." Charley said, returning to type.

Frank sighed, ran a hand through Charley's hair, then left the room. Charley kept writing. 

It was around 9 pm that he heard Frank from the other room, gasp and shout, "WHAT?!"

Charley swallowed a page worth of words and stood up, grabbing the bottle of valium and putting it in his pocket. He exited the hallway and went to the living room. Mary was sitting on one of the chairs, all color drained from her face. Frank was just standing, receiver on his shoulder and pressed up against his ear.   
He lowered it and hung up, then sat down on the seat. 

"Its so odd" Mary said, "Not to be rude, but both of you, right after now another."

Charley swallowed hard and walked to Frank, putting a hand on his shoulder, "What happened?"

Frank just shook his head, "I have to fly down to the Chicago- no. No, I'll just send my lawyer."

"What happened?" Charley repeated.

"Something that should've happened years ago." Frank said.

Charley met Mary's eyes, and she shook her head and stood up, taking Charley by the sleeve and leading him down the hall with her.

"His father died. I just got here, I didn't-." She said, "I just showed up to offer you- oh my god." She started to cry, "You two just can't catch a break." 

Charley put arms around her and hugged her as tightly as he could. 

"Go home." Charley said, "This isn't your crisis to deal with."

"Are you sure?" She choked out.

"Please." Charley said.

She pulled away, then came in for another quick hug, then turned back and rushed out.

"I've got to throw a party." Frank said, the moment she was gone, then he sighed, "I won't do that to you, don't worry."

"it's fine." Charley said, "I'd like to be hiding in that room writing while you and your buddies snort lines."

"I think I'd end up just sitting with you." Frank said.

Charley couldn't read Frank's tone, he couldn't figure out what it was. Anything he almost felt was there, felt more like Charley putting his own emotions on Frank. Charley walked around the sofa and sat down next to him. Frank turned instantly and rested a head on his shoulder.

"I feel sad." Frank said.

"So do I." Charley said.

"I shouldn't feel sad though." Frank said, "You should."

"Who cares about that." Charley said, "Let's just be sad."

Frank closed his eyes and nodded, "I guess."

Overwhelmingly, intensely, the song was _over_ and Charley almost felt good.

\--

Oh, what do you know? Mary Flynn's back. You'd think after a second best seller, I wouldn't need to come back and write an editorial for this publication again.

TAKE A LEFT, the most recent Shepard/Kringas show, and the first since 1970, opened this last week. The show, funny as it seems, is quite a hit. Usually, when a show spends 15 years in development, it tends to be overwritten, overthought, which TAKE A LEFT isn't. This is because the show was completely rewritten for a modern era after development on the script ceased in 1973, up until last year. The show is fresh, with music that isn't dated but sure is a good break as of lately. The book is beautifully sweet, a good contrast to the other Kringas' play, which opened in October.   
As I've said before, I cannot fairly judge his work. I can't fairly judge any Shepard/Kringas show, because I know both Shepard and Kringas too well. This show isn't like the others though, not like Musical Husbands or Sweet Sorrow, there's something different to it. There's a different level and type of passion in it, and I don't just mean the harsh attacks on the Reagan adminstration, it doesn't feel like their old work. I don't think this is a bad thing, I agree with the critics.

Charley would like to clear something up, actually. He is sitting next to me as I write this (a rarity, he is quite a recluse, I had to come down to his place in Greenwich) demanding I bring this up. The gossip magazines have brought up that he wasn't there at the premiere with Frank Shepard, therefore they're still severed from the situation on live television back in '73, Charley would like to say, that he wasn't there, simply because he wasn't feeling well, and that he and Frank are quite close.   
Isn't that just sweet? While their friendship is almost up to 30 years at this point, I have known them both for 24. It's a real strong force.  
For all of us out here, with relationships, with lovers, with family, and old friends, isn't it just beautiful?

\- M. Flynn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We AT THE END. Wooooooooo. Hopefully this was close to satisfying? Charley did crimes, Mary wrote a letter, Frank had to feel things. This series has quite a few words in it now 0_0 
> 
> Won't be the last merrily I'm writing. Expect something a lot more light-hearted by next week, meow.


End file.
